Every line from The Office season 2, episode 12, in script order. First aired January 12, 2006.
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Dwight
Yeah, they're like an i-Pod only they're better 'cause they're chunkier and more solid.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6091
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Pam
Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6092
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Dwight
Oh, no no no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6093
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Pam
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6094
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Dwight
Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. ... Kidding!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6095
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Pam
Oh! Ha, haha.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6096
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Dwight
Why would they all be...? Ok, see you later, Pan.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6097
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Pam
Pan?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6098
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Michael
Pam... PAAAM!?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6099
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Pam
Oh, God.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6100
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Pam
What.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6101
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Michael
Come here please.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6102
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Pam
Tell me before I come there.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6103
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Michael
I want you to rub butter on my foot.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6104
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Pam
No.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6105
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Michael
Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6106
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Pam
No.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6107
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Michael
Uh, ow. Ryan! ... Ryaaaaan ... RYYYYAN!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6108
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Dwight
These covers are totally indestructible.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6109
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Pam
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6110
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Dwight
Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6111
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Dwight
Oh no, it's broken.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6112
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Pam
What?!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6113
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Dwight
No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6114
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Pam
That is so cool. Thanks Dwight!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6115
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Dwight
Yep.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6116
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Jim
So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6117
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Pam
Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6118
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Michael
No, nope, no one is helping me out at all Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry... drive down here and make a big thing... Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6119
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Dwight
Huh. Do you like candy?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6120
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Angela
It's alright.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6121
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Dwight
Cause you're sweeter than candy.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6122
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Angela
What is wrong with you?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6123
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Angela
Hey!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6124
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Toby
Wow, you just dive right into it.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6125
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Ryan
You know, around age twelve, I just started goin' for it.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6126
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Michael
No! Guh! OW! Awww, help, help me!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6127
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Toby
What, what happened?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6128
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Michael
I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6129
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Toby
What do you need?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6130
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Michael
Ugh, not you. Someone else. Get Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6131
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Toby
I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6132
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Michael
Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6133
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Toby
Ryan, is, uh, dead.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6134
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Michael
No, he's not.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6135
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Toby
Dead.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6136
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Michael
I just saw him.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6137
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Toby
No. Can't, can't you just get up yourself? I... You only grilled your foot.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6138
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Michael
Ugh, forget it. I'll just get up myself. No! Uh, aaaahhh! Ah! Oh God!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6139
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Jim
Do you think Dwight's bein' a little weird today?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6140
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Pam
No, he's actually been really nice and helpful.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6141
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Jim
And that isn't weird?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6142
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Pam
Wow...
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6143
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Michael
Can I have everyone's attention please? Phyllis, Oscar, Ryan, who's supposed to be dead, can I ask you all a question? Do you all know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6144
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Phyllis
Um, I had scoliosis as a girl.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6145
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Michael
No, never heard of it. No, a
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6146
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Creed
When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6147
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Michael
Wuh, how, how old are you? Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6148
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Stanley
I'm not disabled and neither are you.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6149
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Michael
Ok, what does this look like to you Stanley?!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6150
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Stanley
Mailboxes, Etc.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6151
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Michael
Shuuut it, ok, well, well you know what, disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6152
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Phyllis
Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6153
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Michael
I burned my foot!!! Ok, twenty minutes, conference room, everybody's in there!
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6154
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Dwight
Dad?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6155
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Michael
While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6156
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Jim
Quick question: uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6157
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Ryan
Twice.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6158
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Michael
Good question. Forrest Gump: mentally challenged, Philadelphia: AIDS.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6159
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Kevin
I think that's from Big.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6160
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Michael
I don't think so, no.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6161
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Kelly
Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6162
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Michael
He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. A crossword puzzle Stanley, seriously, are you learning nothing here?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6163
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Stanley
Uh hmmmm... .
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6164
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Michael
What you mean uh hmmm... ?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6165
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Stanley
I mean I'm learning nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6166
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Michael
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6167
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Billy Merchant
Michael Scott, I'm looking for Michael Scott.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6168
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Michael
Yes, right in here, come on in.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6169
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Billy Merchant
Great.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6170
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Michael
This, ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6171
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Billy Merchant
Sorry I'm late. Someone parked in the handicapped parking space.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6172
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Billy Merchant
Hey everyone, I'm Billy Merchant, you may have seen me around here before, I'm the properties manager of this office park
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6173
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Michael
You are so brave. You are so brave.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6174
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Billy Merchant
Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time...
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6175
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Michael
But it's hard for you! Right? Because you're in a wheelchair.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6176
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Billy Merchant
No, I just have a lot of properties to manage.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6177
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Michael
Let me ask you something, how long does it take for you to do something simple, every day, like brush your teeth in the morning?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6178
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Billy Merchant
I don't know, like 30 seconds?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6179
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Michael
Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6180
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Michael
How did you get in your wheelchair?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6181
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Billy Merchant
This morning? Just like every other morning, just climbed on in.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6182
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey, not funny! Not funny.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6183
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Billy Merchant
Hey, hey, relax, just jokin around here.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6184
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Michael
Well, that's good, he still has a sense of humor.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6185
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Billy Merchant
Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6186
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Michael
Well they notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it?
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6187
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Jim
I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6188
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Billy Merchant
So, there are just a couple things I want to remind everybody of...
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6189
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Michael
Ok...
Season 2 · Episode 12 · Line 6190