Every line from The Office season 2, episode 11, in script order. First aired January 5, 2006.
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Michael
It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5849
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Michael
I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5850
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Michael
Is somebody there?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5851
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Jim
What happened to you?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5852
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Michael
Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5853
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Jim
Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5854
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Michael
He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5855
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Jim
What a night.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5856
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Michael
Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5857
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Jim
She was always engaged.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5858
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Michael
Roy said the first one didn't count.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5859
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Jim
That's... great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5860
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Michael
Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5861
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Jim
Yeah, I know.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5862
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Michael
Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5863
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Jim
Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm. And she's just... well, anyway.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5864
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Michael
Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5865
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Jim
She's engaged.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5866
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Michael
BFD. Engaged ain't married.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5867
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Jim
Huh.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5868
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Michael
Never, ever, ever give up.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5869
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Dwight
Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5870
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Michael
It's a fake wheel, dummy.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5871
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Phyllis
Are you all packed?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5872
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Kelly
Yes, I brought my duffel bag and a sleeping bag.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5873
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Oscar
Where do you guys think we're going?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5874
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Kelly
Definitely some place you can swim.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5875
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Oscar
Right.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5876
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Phyllis
Maybe Florida.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5877
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Kelly
Did you hear something?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5878
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5879
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Jan
Hello, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5880
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Michael
Hello.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5881
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Jan
Can we come in?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5882
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Michael
Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5883
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Jan
Thank you very much.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5884
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Michael
Have a seat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5885
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Jan
Brenda.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5886
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Michael
Oh, every man's dream.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5887
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Jan
Oh, really? A surprise visit from his boss?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5888
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Michael
Two ladies at once. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Okay, you heard something. Um, yeah, it's a booze cruise, but it... There's more to the story than that. It...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5889
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Jan
A booze cruise? What do you mean?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5890
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Michael
Leadership off-site. Uh, booze cruise is just a rhyme...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5891
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Jan
Michael, we discussed the IRS's regulations.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5892
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Michael
Yeah, I don't even know why I said booze cruise. I don't even think there's booze on the boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5893
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Jan
Okay, this event has to have legitimate business content to be tax deductible.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5894
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Michael
Of course.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5895
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Jan
We discussed that.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5896
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Michael
Of course, of course. Yes. Yes. Look, I have a whole program planned. Jan, this program is going to change people's lives. I am going to be dropping serious knowledge all over the boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5897
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Jan
Good. This is Brenda Matlow from corporate training.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5898
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Michael
Hello.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5899
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Jan
I thought she could attend tonight, and if your event is appropriate, you could give it to other branches.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5900
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Michael
Oh, cool. Cool. And maybe you could attend tonight and then you could stay over at my house for the night. Awkward. That's... You know what. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5901
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Brenda
Jan said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5902
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Michael
Really? You seriously said that? Okay. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5903
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Brenda
Sure...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5904
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Jan
Brenda.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5905
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Michael
Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5906
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Brenda
I mean, no.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5907
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Jan
Okay, you know, I'm gonna go now, and...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5908
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Michael
Oh, okay.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5909
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Jan
Good luck, Brenda.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5910
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Michael
I'll see you later.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5911
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Jan
Okay, see you later. And try to be professional.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5912
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Michael
I'll call you later.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5913
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Jan
No, that's all right.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5914
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Michael
That's like...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5915
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Jan
You call me if you need anything, Brenda.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5916
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Michael
I'll call you, too. So. You are probably gonna get carded, so I can make you a fake ID. We have a laminating machine.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5917
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Michael
What is a sales department? Oscar, what do you think?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5918
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Oscar
I don't know what the categories are of workers on a boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5919
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Michael
I'm not giving you the answer. Deck hands is one. And...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5920
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Dwight
Oh, oh, can I be the first mate?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5921
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Michael
No, I'm first mate. You're second mate. I'm first mate, as the captain.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5922
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Pam
How about the anchor?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5923
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Michael
Well, the anchor is the only thing that kind of slows the ship down. Toby is the anchor. Oh, God. He, well... Tell you about Toby later, he's awful.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5924
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Brenda
Yeah, I know Toby from Jan's birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5925
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Toby
Hey, Brenda.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5926
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Michael
Oh, hey, Toby. So... It's an analogy.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5927
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Michael
Hey! What's wrong with you? You missed the boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5928
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Toby
I got lost.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5929
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Michael
Idiot.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5930
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Captain Jack
We can go back.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5931
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Michael
No, no, no. That's his punishment for not being here on time. Too bad, anchor!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5932
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Toby
I guess I shouldn't have stopped for dinner.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5933
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Dwight
On the high seas, Captain Jack is the leader. On the land it's Michael. On the ramp up to the boat, I was a bit conflicted. But now that I'm here, I'll follow Captain Jack to hell and back.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5934
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Dwight
Hey, Captain Jack, what kind of fish they got in this lake?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5935
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Captain Jack
Perch, bass.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5936
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Dwight
You know, my grandfather told me there was a monster here that eats Catholics. Have you heard...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5937
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Captain Jack
I haven't heard that, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5938
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Dwight
If the hull is breached for any reason or the boat is overtaken, I am a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy, and you can count on me.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5939
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Captain Jack
That's good to know, Dwight. Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5940
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Michael
Your problem now, Captain Jack.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5941
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Michael
Hey. You know what the best way of studying is?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5942
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Ryan
At home, not on a boat?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5943
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Michael
Flash cards.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5944
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Ryan
Flash cards. Doesn't really help me right now because I'm on a boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5945
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Michael
You are gonna get seasick if you keep reading in here.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5946
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Ryan
Well...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5947
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Captain Jack
Yeah! All right. All right. That was awesome. All right, looks like the guitar player's gonna take a little break. So this'd be a great time to head on over to the taco bar. All right.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5948