Every line from The Office season 2, episode 11, in script order. First aired January 5, 2006.
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Jim
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5649
-
Dwight
Hello. Jim?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5650
-
Jim
What's up, buddy?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5651
-
Dwight
This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5652
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Jim
Wow, that's weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5653
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Dwight
Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5654
-
Jim
Who, Steve?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5655
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Dwight
Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5656
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Pam
Sorry. What do I want? What do I want... Oh, it's a pencil cup.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5657
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Dwight
No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5658
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Pam
Um, I don't think so, I just bought it.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5659
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Dwight
Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5660
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Pam
I love these.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5661
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Dwight
Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5662
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Jim
Oh, there it is. J1.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5663
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Dwight
But I don't have any...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5664
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Jim
Here, you know what? You can have some nickels.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5665
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Dwight
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5666
-
Michael
Hello, everyone.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5667
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Dwight
Good morning, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5668
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Phyllis
Where are we going this afternoon?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5669
-
Michael
Ah! Ha ha ha!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5670
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Pam
Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5671
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Jim
It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask.'
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5672
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Pam
A ski mask and a swimsuit.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5673
-
Jim
So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5674
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Pam
And brush our teeth.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5675
-
Michael
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5676
-
Stanley
Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5677
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Michael
Stanley! Bo banley.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5678
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Stanley
I need to know...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5679
-
Michael
Banana fana fo fanley.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5680
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Stanley
What we're doing.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5681
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Michael
Be my mo manley.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5682
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Stanley
You said bring a toothbrush.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5683
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Michael
Stanley.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5684
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Stanley
Is this an overnight?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5685
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Michael
Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5686
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Stanley
Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5687
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Michael
Maybe, I don't know.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5688
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Stanley
Not maybe. Yes or no.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5689
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Michael
Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5690
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Stanley
In January?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5691
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Michael
It's cheaper.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5692
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Michael
This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5693
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Michael
It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5694
-
Meredith
All right!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5695
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Ryan
I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5696
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Michael
No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5697
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Ryan
I'm already in business school.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5698
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Michael
Well, this...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5699
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Kelly
Wait, Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5700
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5701
-
Kelly
Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5702
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Michael
To throw you off the scent.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5703
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Kelly
Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5704
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Michael
Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5705
-
Kelly
I took the tags off already.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5706
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Michael
Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, 'Who is this smart little cookie?' Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5707
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Michael
I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5708
-
Michael
Leader... ship. The word 'ship' is hidden inside the word 'leadership,' as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5709
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Oscar
Last year, Michael's theme was 'Bowl over the Competition!' So guess where we went.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5710
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Michael
Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5711
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Darryl
How about the sales department is the sails?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5712
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Michael
Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5713
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Phyllis
A furnace?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5714
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Jim
Yeesh, how old is this ship?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5715
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Pam
How about the anchor?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5716
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Phyllis
What does the furnace do?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5717
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Michael
All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5718
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Jim
I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5719
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Michael
Titanic?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5720
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Pam
I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5721
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Michael
No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5722
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Jim
Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5723
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Phyllis
Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5724
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Michael
No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5725
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Darryl
What?
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5726
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Michael
The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5727
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Dwight
Aye aye, Captain.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5728
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Michael
A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5729
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Michael
Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5730
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Dwight
Cool.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5731
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Captain Jack
Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5732
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Michael
I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5733
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Captain Jack
I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. Hi, welcome aboard.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5734
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Michael
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5735
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Michael
In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5736
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Michael
Hey, look! I'm king of the world!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5737
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Captain Jack
Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5738
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Michael
And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5739
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Captain Jack
Okay! So...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5740
-
Michael
Okay! So...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5741
-
Captain Jack
Please. The life preservers.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5742
-
Michael
Right.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5743
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Captain Jack
They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5744
-
Michael
But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight.
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5745
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Captain Jack
Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it's very easy. Anywhere over the side. Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We're gonna get it going in just a few minutes here...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5746
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Michael
I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5747
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Captain Jack
Okay, Michael, if you don't mind...
Season 2 · Episode 11 · Line 5748