Creed Bratton Quotes from The Office | Page 2

Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13095

One year, I had a close acquaintance of mine back a truck in here and clean out this whole place. That was a very good year. I think they blamed it on some kid.

Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13096

Oh... Where did you get this stuff?

Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13545

Which aisle?

Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13547

Well, draw me a map, mama.

Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13549

Sure.

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14093

Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14095

What size?

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14097

Animals can't feel pain.

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14109

Good night, Mary Beth!

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14126

[motions to phyllis's desk]

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14208

I'll wait.

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14210

Goodnight Mary-Beth.

Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14251

Hey! What are you guys doing here?

Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14442

I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station.

Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14444

Here's the $40 you gave me.

Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14810

In a way you did.

Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14812

I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screamin' about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car. Something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---

Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14832

Hey!

Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15124

Hello.[Creed takes a bite of the potato]

Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15126

Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there.

Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15214

Michael, you can not fly, you can not, I've seen this too many times.

Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15311

Here.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15368

Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15370

Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15395

The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15396

When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15468

Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15470

Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15572

I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15573

[hums]

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15612

Hey!

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15614

I am indeed. How'd you know that?

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15616

Oh, oh that's right! Good work. Thank you very much, sir.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15618

About 10 years ago, for tax reasons, I faked my own death. I've been collecting benefits as my own widow ever since.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15619

No time. Dwight, I love Debbie Brown. She's a close personal friend. But quality is my life. This company has a reputation to uphold. As much as it pains me, someone has to be held accountable.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15713

Just doing my job, guys.

Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15739

The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15770

If that's flashing, then lock me up.

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15771

Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15843

What are you doing in here? This is the women's room.

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15962

I pay for that privilege.

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15964

I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

Season 3 · Episode 21 · Line 15966

Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!

Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16226

On the go that's after three.

Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16309

I remember. I blogged the whole thing.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16527

www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16528

I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots.

Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16640

Oh really, what kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fentanyl, Oxycontin, Palladone? What...

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17107

Oh.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17109

I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17178

Creed Bratton, 75 plus division.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17335

82 November first. How much is the prize money?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17337

What, is any of this real?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17339

That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby!

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17363

Can we get another round?

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17375

Thanks.

Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17377

That's some fun stuff. When does the website go up?

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17654

Cool beans.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17656

We're screwed.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17657

Us? You and me. The old timers.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17659

You're over 40, that's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system. Youth. I'm telling you this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17661

Yes, sir.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17746

Everything's cool, dude.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17748

I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17749

Because they're lame.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17762

Hey brah, I've been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later skater.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 17905

Sup?

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18137

Just boardin', you know how we do.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18139

Oh, thanks ese. So, what are you guys doing?

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18141

To look younger, so the kid doesn't replace you with machines.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18143

Suit yourself. But, if it were me, Botox, wig.

Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18145

I go to New York all the time, to visit my buddy Frank. He's a mole person.

Season 4 · Episode 3 · Line 18719

Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 18993

Hey cuz, heard you're having money problems.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19084

Listen, I've got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19086

Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19087

You don't go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up 'get out of jail free' cards, those things cost thousands.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19089

Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19091

Exactly.

Season 4 · Episode 4 · Line 19093

She's crazy hot.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19405

Get her Phyll.

Season 4 · Episode 5 · Line 19411

Jim.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20025

I hate devils food.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20026

Screw Meredith, I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20028

Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20030

I want pie. I want peach pie.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20032

I want a nice cobbler.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20034

I don't care who you talk to. Just make it happen.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20036

You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20038

Listen, I figured this out. Jimmy had his birthday three weeks ago, so he doesn't care.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20068

Yeah.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20070

Nothing! Nothing going on. We're talking about nothing. C'mon gang.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20073

Well nobody's touching my cobbler.

Season 4 · Episode 7 · Line 20100

Cambodia. You?

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20413

Let's do this thing.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20415

We're not playing strip pong? Okay.

Season 4 · Episode 8 · Line 20417

Yo, is this his new chair?

Season 4 · Episode 10 · Line 20825

Daat!

Season 4 · Episode 10 · Line 20827

When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.

Season 4 · Episode 10 · Line 20828

Creed Bratton Quotes from The Office (page 2)