Every line from The Office season 9, episode 7, in script order. First aired November 15, 2012.
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Pam
Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54554
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Dwight
I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54555
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Phyllis
No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54556
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Dwight
I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54557
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Pam
Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54558
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Dwight
I thought it went great.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54559
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Nellie
I have uh, written down a few questions. One, have you ever killed a woman? Two, how many women have you killed? Please, sir, will you not kill me?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54560
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Business partner
Okay lets get started.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54561
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Jim
Yeah, I'm here. Are we all on?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54562
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Business partner
Uh,, well you're the only one 'on' - we're all here.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54563
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Jim
Right. Okay, uh, over the next three months...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54564
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Kevin
That's the winter season., three months.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54565
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Jim
I uh, I have some ideas, actually...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54566
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Business partner
Are you at your office right now?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54567
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Jim
Uh yeah. Trust me, I'd rather be with you guys.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54568
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Business partner
Uh, yeah, that sounded kinda spooky-sexy, over here Halpert.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54569
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Jim
Oh, Sorry, I uh... was just saying that we should uh...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54570
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Business partner
Whoa. I think there's been a bit of a mistake. We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54571
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Jim
Um, you know what? I.. should have just had... I should have just had you call me on my cell.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54572
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Business partner
Uh, yeah...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54573
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Jim
I'm gonna try a different spot. Okay?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54574
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Business partner
Okay, yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54575
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Jim
Okay, I'll call you right back.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54576
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Kevin
What's happening in three months?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54577
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Pam
Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54578
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54579
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Pam
Okay, well you have to show us.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54580
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Dwight
That's impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54581
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Pam
Huh. Uh huh.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54582
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Dwight
What are you doing?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54583
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Pam
A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54584
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Dwight
Kind of.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54585
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Pam
Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54586
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Nellie
Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I've commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to hit. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54587
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Erin
It's just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54588
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Dwight
I am a person.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54589
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Erin
Yes.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54590
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Nellie
And then we thought we'd ' I can't. I just can't carry on with that face. Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he's laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54591
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Dwight
That's a bit extreme.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54592
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Nellie
No, I'm sorry but that is true.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54593
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Meredith
He's screwed. They're meeting in less than an hour.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54594
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Phyllis
Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54595
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Dwight
Okay, I'm a woman. I'm a woman. Good?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54596
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Phyllis
Ms. Thomas, so good to see you.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54597
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Dwight
Hello.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54598
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Phyllis
Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54599
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Dwight
Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54600
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Meredith
Booo! Weird.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54601
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Nellie
No.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54602
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Phyllis
Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It's hopeless.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54603
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Pam
Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54604
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Pam
You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54605
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Dwight
Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their, their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders!
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54606
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Pam
Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54607
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Dwight
I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54608
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Pam
Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54609
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Dwight
Okay, I can do that.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54610
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Pam
Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54611
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Dwight
He used to fight dogs.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54612
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Pam
Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54613
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Dwight
Little of this, little of that.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54614
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Angela
Which one is the instructor? There all fatties.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54615
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Oscar
Angela! Angela. There.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54616
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Angela
Where?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54617
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Oscar
On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54618
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Angela
Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54619
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Oscar
She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54620
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Angela
I've heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail - ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54621
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Oscar
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54622
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Angela
Ow.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54623
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Oscar
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54624
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Pete
[sound effect of throwing ball]
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54625
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Toby
This is fun. You know? I mean, this is fun.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54626
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Jim
What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation, it was in --
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54627
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Business partner
It was in what? Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54628
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Jim
The... the... the... what I was saying is the real genius was...was in the...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54629
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Hank Doyle
Hey! Are those skateboarders back?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54630
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Business partner
Jim? Jim, are you there?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54631
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Hank Doyle
Where are they?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54632
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Jim
It was, uh in the authentic design, right? So I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes, so ...
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54633
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Meredith
Who was messing with my van?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54634
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Jim
Nobody!
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54635
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Business partner
Jordan wore them for nobody? We're not following you, Halpert.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54636
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Jim
No, no, no.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54637
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Hank Doyle
This ends now!
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54638
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Secretary
Have a seat. Um, she will be right in.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54639
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Pam
Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54640
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Secretary
Uh... um she'll be right in.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54641
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Pam
Okay, great.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54642
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Dwight
Just a little off the top and then a nice combing. Yeah, just comb it.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54643
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Pam
Oh my God. It's Jan.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54644
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Dwight
Oh, dear God in heaven.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54645
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Pam
Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54646
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Jan
You son of a bitch. You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54647
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Pam
Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54648
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Pam
Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54649
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Jan
Where's Wallace?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54650
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Pam
What?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54651
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Jan
I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54652
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Dwight
Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Line 54653