Oscar

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54171

Oscar

I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion....Why?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54172

Andy

Alright, good. Yeah. Just sell it and get the best price you can, okay?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54173

White

Or we can hope for a holiday rally?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54174

Andy

White, I'm not a day trader, I'm just a first responder in a disaster.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54175

Pam

Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54176

Jim

And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54177

Pam

The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just..so..

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54178

Jim

Competent.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54179

Pam

Right?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54180

Andy

Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, him.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54181

Oscar

Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54182

Kevin

That's beautiful. No, I totally get that.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54183

Oscar

Can you do this, Kevin?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54184

Kevin

I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54185

Oscar

I don't know what that means. Hey, hey-

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54186

Pam

Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. Hey guys! Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54187

Creed

Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54188

Pam

Nope, that's Dr. Laura. Well, her show Biz Whiz wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54189

Dwight

I do! I do. I do. I do. I do.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54190

Dwight

The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? 'Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt.' It's that easy.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54191

Meredith

Hey, so that good looking single brother of yours? Heard he's on a downward spiral with booze.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54192

Andy

Yeah. He's in rehab actually.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54193

Meredith

Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54194

Andy

No, it's in New Mexico.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54195

Meredith

Oh...So..- how are you holding up?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54196

Andy

We're done Meredith.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54197

Dwight

blah blah blah, rat tat tat tittle tattled and prattled on about the little metal bottle, she spat a bit of spittle...[Group protests]

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54198

Jim

Dwight!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54199

Dwight

...In a bitter battle..Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, OK? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54200

Jim

No, you chose yourself.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54201

Dwight

Tricky siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit....

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54202

Andy

Alright, guys. A lot of assets here that my dad couldn't steal. Now, first of all, there is the family boat. 43 foot Tartan Sloop. My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas, the sale would cover the cost of a condo and living expenses for my mom.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54203

Darryl

Sounds great.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54204

Oscar

Perfect.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54205

Andy

Totally, except it is a no go. This boat was the heart and soul of the family. So...what else we got? Non-boat ideas.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54206

Kevin

What happened?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54207

Angela

Jammed. This day couldn't get worse.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54208

Kevin

Yeah, I think this day could get worse.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54209

Angela

What does that mean?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54210

Oscar

Kevin!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54211

Kevin

I don't know what you're talking about.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54212

Erin

She could get like sixty packages of Ramen noodles for five bucks. She could eat for a month.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54213

Andy

Alright, what's the grand total? Did we make our nut?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54214

Darryl

If we sell everything but the boat, your mom should be set for about six months.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54215

Andy

Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54216

Erin

Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54217

Darryl

I worked at a Jiffy Lube.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54218

Erin

See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you Darryl?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54219

Darryl

I would if I owned it and I went broke.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54220

Andy

Alright, uh...alright. I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54221

Andy

Yes the boat means everything to my family, but we need the money. Got the memories, don't need the boat. Can't cry about it. What are you gonna do? Cry about it? Excuse me.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54222

Pam

Oh, OK. No problem. Thanks. Hey guys, WPTU called. The interview's off. They're opening a new cupcake store at the Steamtown Mall and Iris wants to cover that, so...

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54223

Nellie

Well why don't I go and tell Dwight so he can stop being such a complete nipple.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54224

Pam

He's gonna be disappointed.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54225

Jim

Yes. He is. And you know what? We cannot let that happen.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54226

Pete

Fax?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54227

Erin

Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. He's seriously juvenile.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54228

Pete

Cool. He's like 40 though, right?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54229

Erin

Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54230

Pete

Awesome. Have fun.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54231

Dwight

Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- This is Dwight Shrute.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54232

Pam

Please hold for Ms. Black.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54233

Nellie

And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Shrute.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54234

Dwight

Iris, thank you so much for having me.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54235

Erin

Hey! My teeth are all this stuff in my mouth.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54236

Andy

Uh, did you need something?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54237

Erin

Oh, I just need your signature on this.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54238

Andy

Ok. thanks.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54239

Angela

Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54240

Kevin

I... did not.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54241

Angela

I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54242

Kevin

Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you..oh! I have to go to the bathroom!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54243

Angela

That doesn't surprise me.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54244

Oscar

That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54245

Jim

See these forms...

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54246

Kevin

I have to go to the bathroom!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54247

Kevin

I have to go to the bathroom!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54248

Kevin

[Drives away waving, then screeches to a stop and runs from car]

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54249

Erin

Ok, who wants to go for a super fun lunch with a super fun girlfriend?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54250

Andy

Look, it's not that I don't want-

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54251

Erin

Ok, come on. I got someone to cover the phones, I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place we could go for dessert...perfect.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54252

Andy

All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. But dad wouldn't let me. Said 'You can't be a skipper until you're a man.' You know, I'd reach for the wheel and he'd smack my hand away. Well guess what? Now I'm the man of the family and... we're selling the damn thing. So I'm never gonna have the chance.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54253

Erin

Well, when does the boat leave, exactly?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54254

Andy

Tonight.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54255

Erin

Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54256

Andy

Yeah right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. We have to leave like right now.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54257

Erin

Ok, well then let's leave like right now.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54258

Andy

Yeah, ok.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54259

Erin

Yeah! OK! Let's go.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54260

Andy

Seriously?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54261

Erin

Of course, seriously. Get your coat on.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54262

Andy

Alright.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54263

Erin

Alright.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54264

Andy

Let's do it.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54265

Erin

Let's do it!

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54266

Dwight

Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54267

Nellie

So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54268

Dwight

Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris.

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54269

Nellie

Uh, excuse me. I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons?

Season 9 · Episode 6 · Line 54270

"The Boat" Quotes