Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 6, in script order. First aired November 8, 2012.
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Oscar
Can you guys come with me for a minute?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54171
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Oscar
I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion....Why?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54172
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Andy
Alright, good. Yeah. Just sell it and get the best price you can, okay?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54173
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White
Or we can hope for a holiday rally?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54174
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Andy
White, I'm not a day trader, I'm just a first responder in a disaster.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54175
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Pam
Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54176
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Jim
And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54177
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Pam
The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just..so..
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54178
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Jim
Competent.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54179
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Pam
Right?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54180
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Andy
Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, him.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54181
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Oscar
Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54182
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Kevin
That's beautiful. No, I totally get that.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54183
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Oscar
Can you do this, Kevin?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54184
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Kevin
I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54185
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Oscar
I don't know what that means. Hey, hey-
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54186
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Pam
Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. Hey guys! Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54187
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Creed
Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54188
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Pam
Nope, that's Dr. Laura. Well, her show Biz Whiz wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54189
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Dwight
I do! I do. I do. I do. I do.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54190
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Dwight
The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? 'Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt.' It's that easy.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54191
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Meredith
Hey, so that good looking single brother of yours? Heard he's on a downward spiral with booze.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54192
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Andy
Yeah. He's in rehab actually.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54193
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Meredith
Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54194
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Andy
No, it's in New Mexico.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54195
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Meredith
Oh...So..- how are you holding up?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54196
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Andy
We're done Meredith.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54197
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Dwight
blah blah blah, rat tat tat tittle tattled and prattled on about the little metal bottle, she spat a bit of spittle...[Group protests]
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54198
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Jim
Dwight!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54199
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Dwight
...In a bitter battle..Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, OK? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54200
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Jim
No, you chose yourself.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54201
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Dwight
Tricky siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit....
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54202
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Andy
Alright, guys. A lot of assets here that my dad couldn't steal. Now, first of all, there is the family boat. 43 foot Tartan Sloop. My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas, the sale would cover the cost of a condo and living expenses for my mom.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54203
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Darryl
Sounds great.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54204
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Oscar
Perfect.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54205
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Andy
Totally, except it is a no go. This boat was the heart and soul of the family. So...what else we got? Non-boat ideas.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54206
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Kevin
What happened?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54207
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Angela
Jammed. This day couldn't get worse.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54208
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Kevin
Yeah, I think this day could get worse.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54209
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Angela
What does that mean?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54210
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Oscar
Kevin!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54211
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Kevin
I don't know what you're talking about.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54212
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Erin
She could get like sixty packages of Ramen noodles for five bucks. She could eat for a month.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54213
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Andy
Alright, what's the grand total? Did we make our nut?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54214
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Darryl
If we sell everything but the boat, your mom should be set for about six months.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54215
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Andy
Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54216
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Erin
Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54217
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Darryl
I worked at a Jiffy Lube.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54218
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Erin
See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you Darryl?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54219
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Darryl
I would if I owned it and I went broke.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54220
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Andy
Alright, uh...alright. I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54221
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Andy
Yes the boat means everything to my family, but we need the money. Got the memories, don't need the boat. Can't cry about it. What are you gonna do? Cry about it? Excuse me.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54222
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Pam
Oh, OK. No problem. Thanks. Hey guys, WPTU called. The interview's off. They're opening a new cupcake store at the Steamtown Mall and Iris wants to cover that, so...
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54223
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Nellie
Well why don't I go and tell Dwight so he can stop being such a complete nipple.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54224
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Pam
He's gonna be disappointed.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54225
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Jim
Yes. He is. And you know what? We cannot let that happen.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54226
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Pete
Fax?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54227
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Erin
Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. He's seriously juvenile.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54228
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Pete
Cool. He's like 40 though, right?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54229
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Erin
Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54230
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Pete
Awesome. Have fun.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54231
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Dwight
Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- This is Dwight Shrute.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54232
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Pam
Please hold for Ms. Black.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54233
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Nellie
And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Shrute.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54234
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Dwight
Iris, thank you so much for having me.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54235
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Erin
Hey! My teeth are all this stuff in my mouth.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54236
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Andy
Uh, did you need something?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54237
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Erin
Oh, I just need your signature on this.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54238
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Andy
Ok. thanks.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54239
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Angela
Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54240
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Kevin
I... did not.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54241
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Angela
I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54242
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Kevin
Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you..oh! I have to go to the bathroom!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54243
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Angela
That doesn't surprise me.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54244
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Oscar
That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54245
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Jim
See these forms...
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54246
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Kevin
I have to go to the bathroom!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54247
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Kevin
I have to go to the bathroom!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54248
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Kevin
[Drives away waving, then screeches to a stop and runs from car]
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54249
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Erin
Ok, who wants to go for a super fun lunch with a super fun girlfriend?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54250
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Andy
Look, it's not that I don't want-
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54251
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Erin
Ok, come on. I got someone to cover the phones, I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place we could go for dessert...perfect.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54252
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Andy
All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. But dad wouldn't let me. Said 'You can't be a skipper until you're a man.' You know, I'd reach for the wheel and he'd smack my hand away. Well guess what? Now I'm the man of the family and... we're selling the damn thing. So I'm never gonna have the chance.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54253
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Erin
Well, when does the boat leave, exactly?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54254
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Andy
Tonight.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54255
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Erin
Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54256
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Andy
Yeah right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. We have to leave like right now.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54257
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Erin
Ok, well then let's leave like right now.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54258
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Andy
Yeah, ok.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54259
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Erin
Yeah! OK! Let's go.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54260
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Andy
Seriously?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54261
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Erin
Of course, seriously. Get your coat on.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54262
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Andy
Alright.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54263
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Erin
Alright.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54264
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Andy
Let's do it.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54265
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Erin
Let's do it!
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54266
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Dwight
Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54267
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Nellie
So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54268
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Dwight
Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris.
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54269
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Nellie
Uh, excuse me. I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons?
Season 9 · Episode 6 · Quote 54270