Pam

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53420

Oscar

Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. I'[gets cut by Andy barging into the convo]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53421

Andy

What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work!.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53422

Oscar

Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53423

Andy

Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53424

Oscar

Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were'slave owners.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53425

Andy

Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53426

Darryl

Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53427

Andy

Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53428

Darryl

Yes, yes, yes.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53429

Andy

Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53430

Darryl

I included some time saving ideas...

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53431

Andy

Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53432

Darryl

Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53433

Andy

Right on, brotha. Wurddd.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53434

Erin

Addor!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53435

Dwight

Daraas!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53436

Erin

Qazer!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53437

Dwight

Daraas! Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53438

Pete

Hey Erin!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53439

Erin

Azem choma! Chomakka-attun!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53440

Pete

Oh'okay. Sorry.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53441

Nellie

Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53442

Pam

Yeah'turn signal. It's exciting to be painting again'those are the wipers. So'the'its'just. There you go! Yeah. Yeah, things get so busy with the kids'red light'that it's nice to have that creative outlet'red light! Red light! Red! Red!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53443

Nellie

That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53444

Pam

Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53445

Nellie

That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53446

Pam

Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53447

Andy

[to Erin]. Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53448

Erin

Vos!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53449

Andy

So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53450

Erin

Because of your slaves.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53451

Andy

Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53452

Erin

Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for 'slave master', 'attafrauk!', is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53453

Andy

That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53454

Erin

Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53455

Dwight

People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53456

Andy

Hi guys.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53457

Phyllis

Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53458

Andy

Yeah. You don't have to ask me.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53459

Andy

Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to be'[ringtone of Dixie plays]. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was 'Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes' by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady Smith'African American'Mambazo.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53460

Pam

Good. Very good.Oh'no! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. 'New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P.' And then in parentheses, he wrote out 'as soon as possible.'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53461

Nellie

Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, 'looking for dirt.'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53462

Pam

Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53463

Nellie

Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53464

Pam

Oh'gee'I'm'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53465

Nellie

No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! I love it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53466

Pam

Brilliant!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53467

Nellie

What should we say about Jim?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53468

Pam

Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53469

Nellie

My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. I just made a joke there.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53470

Pam

I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53471

Nellie

Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53472

Pam

Jim? No.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53473

Nellie

[sighs]. How can you be sure?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53474

Pam

Because he just loves me too much.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53475

Nellie

You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53476

Andy

I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53477

Angela

Ew.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53478

Andy

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53479

Kevin

And John Wayne?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53480

Andy

No. Not that I see here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53481

Kevin

Wayne Johnson? The Rock?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53482

Andy

You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53483

Jim

Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. True'Oh no.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53484

Andy

Dwight's grandfather was a'[is interrupted by Dwight].

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53485

Dwight

Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So'[clears throat]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53486

Andy

I was gonna say he was a tax evader.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53487

Dwight

Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53488

Andy

And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53489

Meredith

Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53490

Angela

Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53491

Phyllis

Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53492

Kevin

Yeah, that'you're being really mean, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53493

Dwight

Yeah, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53494

Andy

No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53495

Oscar

The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53496

Andy

Might've done. And how' do you figure?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53497

Oscar

Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53498

Andy

You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53499

Oscar

Really?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53500

Andy

We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53501

Andy

Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53502

Darryl

You're gonna po' mouth

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53503

Andy

Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53504

Darryl

Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestions'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53505

Andy

What if I said that my dad beat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53506

Darryl

That could work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53507

Andy

You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53508

Darryl

I'm going for a walk.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53509

Andy

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53510

Pam

Good. Good. And'[Nellie hits the car against the bushes]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53511

Jim

You doing alright, man?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53512

Darryl

I'm done. I gotta get out of here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53513

Jim

Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53514

Darryl

It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53515

Jim

Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53516

Darryl

Hmm. Yeah right

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53517

Jim

No, I'm serious. There's always something better.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53518

Darryl

Like what?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Line 53519

"Andy's Ancestry" Quotes (page 2)