Pam

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53420

Oscar

Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. I'[gets cut by Andy barging into the convo]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53421

Andy

What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work!.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53422

Oscar

Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53423

Andy

Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53424

Oscar

Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were'slave owners.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53425

Andy

Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53426

Darryl

Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53427

Andy

Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53428

Darryl

Yes, yes, yes.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53429

Andy

Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53430

Darryl

I included some time saving ideas...

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53431

Andy

Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53432

Darryl

Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53433

Andy

Right on, brotha. Wurddd.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53434

Erin

Addor!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53435

Dwight

Daraas!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53436

Erin

Qazer!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53437

Dwight

Daraas! Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53438

Pete

Hey Erin!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53439

Erin

Azem choma! Chomakka-attun!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53440

Pete

Oh'okay. Sorry.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53441

Nellie

Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53442

Pam

Yeah'turn signal. It's exciting to be painting again'those are the wipers. So'the'its'just. There you go! Yeah. Yeah, things get so busy with the kids'red light'that it's nice to have that creative outlet'red light! Red light! Red! Red!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53443

Nellie

That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53444

Pam

Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53445

Nellie

That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53446

Pam

Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53447

Andy

[to Erin]. Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53448

Erin

Vos!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53449

Andy

So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53450

Erin

Because of your slaves.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53451

Andy

Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53452

Erin

Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for 'slave master', 'attafrauk!', is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53453

Andy

That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53454

Erin

Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53455

Dwight

People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53456

Andy

Hi guys.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53457

Phyllis

Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53458

Andy

Yeah. You don't have to ask me.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53459

Andy

Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to be'[ringtone of Dixie plays]. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was 'Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes' by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady Smith'African American'Mambazo.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53460

Pam

Good. Very good.Oh'no! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. 'New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P.' And then in parentheses, he wrote out 'as soon as possible.'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53461

Nellie

Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, 'looking for dirt.'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53462

Pam

Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53463

Nellie

Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53464

Pam

Oh'gee'I'm'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53465

Nellie

No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! I love it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53466

Pam

Brilliant!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53467

Nellie

What should we say about Jim?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53468

Pam

Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53469

Nellie

My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. I just made a joke there.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53470

Pam

I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53471

Nellie

Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53472

Pam

Jim? No.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53473

Nellie

[sighs]. How can you be sure?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53474

Pam

Because he just loves me too much.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53475

Nellie

You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53476

Andy

I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53477

Angela

Ew.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53478

Andy

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53479

Kevin

And John Wayne?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53480

Andy

No. Not that I see here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53481

Kevin

Wayne Johnson? The Rock?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53482

Andy

You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53483

Jim

Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. True'Oh no.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53484

Andy

Dwight's grandfather was a'[is interrupted by Dwight].

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53485

Dwight

Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So'[clears throat]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53486

Andy

I was gonna say he was a tax evader.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53487

Dwight

Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53488

Andy

And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53489

Meredith

Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53490

Angela

Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me!

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53491

Phyllis

Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53492

Kevin

Yeah, that'you're being really mean, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53493

Dwight

Yeah, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53494

Andy

No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53495

Oscar

The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53496

Andy

Might've done. And how' do you figure?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53497

Oscar

Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53498

Andy

You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53499

Oscar

Really?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53500

Andy

We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53501

Andy

Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53502

Darryl

You're gonna po' mouth

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53503

Andy

Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53504

Darryl

Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestions'

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53505

Andy

What if I said that my dad beat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53506

Darryl

That could work.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53507

Andy

You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53508

Darryl

I'm going for a walk.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53509

Andy

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53510

Pam

Good. Good. And'[Nellie hits the car against the bushes]

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53511

Jim

You doing alright, man?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53512

Darryl

I'm done. I gotta get out of here.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53513

Jim

Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53514

Darryl

It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53515

Jim

Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53516

Darryl

Hmm. Yeah right

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53517

Jim

No, I'm serious. There's always something better.

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53518

Darryl

Like what?

Season 9 · Episode 3 · Quote 53519

"Andy's Ancestry" Quotes (page 2)