Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 27, 2012.
-
Clark
He's looking for on-air talent and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53124
-
Erin
You mean, put me on the news?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53125
-
Clark
You'll just come over, put on little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways, with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. What do you say? Huh?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53126
-
Erin
Maybe, ok? Let me think about it.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53127
-
Clark
Ok.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53128
-
Erin
Whoo!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53129
-
Clark
Think it over.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53130
-
Pete
No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53131
-
Erin
I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53132
-
Roy
So, ah, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53133
-
Jim
He plays piano?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53134
-
Pam
No. Roy? No.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53135
-
Roy
You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53136
-
Darryl
You got this, Roy.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53137
-
Pam
We still surprise each other.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53138
-
Jim
Definitely.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53139
-
Pam
You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53140
-
Jim
Courtside seats. Sixers.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53141
-
Pam
Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53142
-
Jim
It was an away game.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53143
-
Pam
In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. Do we know everything about each other?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53144
-
Jim
No.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53145
-
Pam
Tell me one thing about you I don't know.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53146
-
Jim
Um, ok.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53147
-
Jim
Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53148
-
Pam
And you thought you guys were millionaires.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53149
-
Jim
You heard that one.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53150
-
Pam
Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53151
-
Jim
That I thought we were millionaires.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53152
-
Pam
Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. Shoot, I knew that one.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53153
-
Jim
That's all right.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53154
-
Angela
The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53155
-
Jim
You all right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53156
-
Nellie
You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53157
-
Dwight
Anything else would be inconsistent.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53158
-
Nellie
Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53159
-
Dwight
Absolutely, I will.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53160
-
Dwight
I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. You don't have a plan.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53161
-
Nellie
When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53162
-
Nellie
Looking for this?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53163
-
Dwight
What the?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53164
-
Nellie
Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53165
-
Dwight
Gimme that.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53166
-
Nellie
Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53167
-
Dwight
You're insane.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53168
-
Nellie
I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53169
-
Dwight
Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53170
-
Nellie
In that case, you... will have to chop off my hand.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53171
-
Dwight
This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53172
-
Nellie
I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53173
-
Dwight
Sounds like a plan.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53174
-
Andy
Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53175
-
Erin
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53176
-
Andy
Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53177
-
Clark
Uh... couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe, no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53178
-
Andy
Really?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53179
-
Clark
Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53180
-
Pete
Seems unnecessary for an audition.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53181
-
Clark
And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53182
-
Andy
Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53183
-
Clark
I absolutely will do that.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53184
-
Andy
Awesome. Plop!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53185
-
Clark
Pff. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then. Buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53186
-
Pete
That Clark, huh? Errr Ca!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53187
-
Oscar
Next question for our oldie-weds-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53188
-
Kevin
What's the craziest place you've ever made whoopie?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53189
-
Angela
Language.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53190
-
Phyllis
Who was Pam's first celebrity crush?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53191
-
Oscar
Pam's first celebrity crush.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53192
-
Toby
John Stamos.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53193
-
Jim
Ready?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53194
-
Pam
Uh-huh.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53195
-
Jim
John Stamos.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53196
-
Angela
Oh!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53197
-
Pam
Yes. But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53198
-
Toby
Johnny Depp.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53199
-
Pam
Johnny Depp.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53200
-
Toby
Sh, uh, um, I was having this separate conversation with Kevin. Uh, Johnny Depp.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53201
-
Kevin
Totally. George Clooney.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53202
-
Toby
Uh-huh.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53203
-
Angela
OK, I have one. I have one.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53204
-
Kevin
What is the craziest place you've ever made whoopie?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53205
-
Angela
Kevin, stop it with that question.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53206
-
Jim
Right. And did you show them the market? Yeah. And what'd they say? That's awesome! That, oh my god! Wow!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53207
-
Jim
It's not even real yet. And I'm not gonna tell her 'til it's real.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53208
-
Pam
I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53209
-
Darryl
Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53210
-
Andy
Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. Good. Great job.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53211
-
Darryl
Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53212
-
Andy
Erin has an audition to be a newscaster.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53213
-
Andy
Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53214
-
Darryl
OK, um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53215
-
Andy
Yeah, right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53216
-
Jim
I'm sorry. This is for a news audition?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53217
-
Andy
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53218
-
Oscar
Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53219
-
Andy
News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53220
-
Oscar
I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53221
-
Meredith
Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53222
-
Oscar
Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or...
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53223