Every line from The Office season 9, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 27, 2012.
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Pam
The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53024
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Kevin
Oh, yeah! Can I spin first?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53025
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Pam
Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and' you see what chore you get that day.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53026
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Kevin
A wheel is supposed to spin.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53027
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Erin
Yeah, you know, like guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh' guh.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53028
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Pam
No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53029
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Andy
Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53030
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Creed
A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53031
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Jim
Spinning would be more fun.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53032
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Pam
'Kay.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53033
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Kevin
Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! Mug duty?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53034
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Pam
Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53035
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Kevin
This sucks.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53036
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Erin
Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53037
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Pam
I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53038
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Kevin
Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53039
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Pam
I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53040
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Pam
The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53041
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Pam
Toilets!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53042
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Jim
Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiance's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiance.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53043
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Pam
Thanks, mom!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53044
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Jim
A banana?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53045
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Pam
Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53046
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Jim
Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53047
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Pam
Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53048
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Jim
Just' so weird.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53049
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Erin
Oh, Pete, you've got mail.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53050
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Pete
Really? I got something?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53051
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Erin
Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53052
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Clark
Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53053
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Erin
Yeah, I'm alternating.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53054
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Pete
Yay, another person yelling at me.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53055
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Erin
Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53056
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Pete
That's really nice.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53057
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Clark
Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election' thing is crazy, right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53058
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Pete
It's open.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53059
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Erin
Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53060
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Pete
OK.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53061
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Nellie
Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53062
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Creed
I know you don't really exist.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53063
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Nellie
Today, I launch my big charity initiative 'Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53064
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Roy
Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53065
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Darryl
Congratulations, baby!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53066
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Roy
Ah, thank you!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53067
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Jim
Is this his house?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53068
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Pam
Think so.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53069
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Server
Mimosa?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53070
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53071
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Server
Would you like me to take your peel?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53072
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Pam
Yes, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53073
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Jim
OK.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53074
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Pam
Who's that?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53075
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Jim
Uh, my ex-fiance.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53076
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Pam
Ha-ha.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53077
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Jim
I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um' actually I did tell Pam and we decided 'no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53078
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Nellie
With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53079
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Kevin
Oh boy! What's happening?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53080
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Nellie
There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53081
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Stanley
American Diabetes Association.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53082
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Angela
Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53083
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Toby
I w-, uh, I would love to give uh-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53084
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Kevin
Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53085
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Creed
I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53086
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Nellie
Dwight, what about you?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53087
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Dwight
I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53088
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Andy
Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53089
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Nellie
Thank you, Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53090
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Andy
I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53091
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Nellie
Dwight, you will be participating.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53092
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Dwight
No thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53093
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Nellie
Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53094
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Dwight
Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53095
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Nellie
Great, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53096
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Dwight
Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53097
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Nellie
Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53098
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Dwight
Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53099
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Creed
The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53100
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Nellie
Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53101
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Dwight
Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53102
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Jim
There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53103
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Roy
Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53104
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Jim
Thanks for inviting us, by the way-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53105
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Roy
Are you kidding?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53106
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Jim
That was, that was a surprise.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53107
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Roy
Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. Just kidding.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53108
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Jim
You're welcome.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53109
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Roy
Thanks...aw.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53110
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Jim
By the way, man, this place is... beautiful.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53111
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Roy
Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53112
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Jim
Gravel company?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53113
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Roy
Yeah. What about you? What are you doing?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53114
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Jim
Not gravel, obviously. No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53115
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Roy
Oh, cool.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53116
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Jim
Yeah, you never know.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53117
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Kenny
Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53118
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Jim
OK, Kenny.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53119
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Clark
Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. Erin, do you know anybody that might want... Oh my gosh. You love the news, right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53120
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Erin
Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53121
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Clark
Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53122
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Pete
Uh, is it Duncan?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Line 53123