Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 27, 2012.
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Pam
The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53024
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Kevin
Oh, yeah! Can I spin first?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53025
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Pam
Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and' you see what chore you get that day.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53026
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Kevin
A wheel is supposed to spin.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53027
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Erin
Yeah, you know, like guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh' guh.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53028
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Pam
No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53029
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Andy
Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53030
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Creed
A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53031
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Jim
Spinning would be more fun.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53032
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Pam
'Kay.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53033
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Kevin
Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! Mug duty?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53034
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Pam
Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53035
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Kevin
This sucks.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53036
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Erin
Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53037
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Pam
I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53038
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Kevin
Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53039
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Pam
I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53040
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Pam
The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53041
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Pam
Toilets!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53042
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Jim
Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiance's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiance.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53043
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Pam
Thanks, mom!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53044
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Jim
A banana?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53045
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Pam
Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53046
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Jim
Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53047
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Pam
Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53048
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Jim
Just' so weird.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53049
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Erin
Oh, Pete, you've got mail.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53050
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Pete
Really? I got something?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53051
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Erin
Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53052
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Clark
Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53053
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Erin
Yeah, I'm alternating.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53054
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Pete
Yay, another person yelling at me.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53055
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Erin
Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53056
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Pete
That's really nice.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53057
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Clark
Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election' thing is crazy, right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53058
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Pete
It's open.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53059
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Erin
Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53060
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Pete
OK.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53061
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Nellie
Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53062
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Creed
I know you don't really exist.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53063
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Nellie
Today, I launch my big charity initiative 'Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53064
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Roy
Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53065
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Darryl
Congratulations, baby!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53066
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Roy
Ah, thank you!
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53067
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Jim
Is this his house?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53068
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Pam
Think so.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53069
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Server
Mimosa?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53070
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53071
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Server
Would you like me to take your peel?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53072
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Pam
Yes, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53073
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Jim
OK.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53074
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Pam
Who's that?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53075
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Jim
Uh, my ex-fiance.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53076
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Pam
Ha-ha.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53077
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Jim
I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um' actually I did tell Pam and we decided 'no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53078
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Nellie
With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53079
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Kevin
Oh boy! What's happening?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53080
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Nellie
There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53081
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Stanley
American Diabetes Association.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53082
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Angela
Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53083
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Toby
I w-, uh, I would love to give uh-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53084
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Kevin
Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53085
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Creed
I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53086
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Nellie
Dwight, what about you?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53087
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Dwight
I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53088
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Andy
Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53089
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Nellie
Thank you, Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53090
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Andy
I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53091
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Nellie
Dwight, you will be participating.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53092
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Dwight
No thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53093
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Nellie
Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53094
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Dwight
Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53095
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Nellie
Great, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53096
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Dwight
Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53097
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Nellie
Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53098
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Dwight
Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53099
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Creed
The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53100
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Nellie
Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53101
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Dwight
Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53102
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Jim
There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53103
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Roy
Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53104
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Jim
Thanks for inviting us, by the way-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53105
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Roy
Are you kidding?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53106
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Jim
That was, that was a surprise.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53107
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Roy
Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. Just kidding.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53108
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Jim
You're welcome.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53109
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Roy
Thanks...aw.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53110
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Jim
By the way, man, this place is... beautiful.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53111
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Roy
Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53112
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Jim
Gravel company?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53113
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Roy
Yeah. What about you? What are you doing?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53114
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Jim
Not gravel, obviously. No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So-
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53115
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Roy
Oh, cool.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53116
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Jim
Yeah, you never know.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53117
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Kenny
Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53118
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Jim
OK, Kenny.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53119
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Clark
Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. Erin, do you know anybody that might want... Oh my gosh. You love the news, right?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53120
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Erin
Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53121
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Clark
Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind.
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53122
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Pete
Uh, is it Duncan?
Season 9 · Episode 2 · Quote 53123