Every line from The Office season 9, episode 15, in script order. First aired February 7, 2013.
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Phyllis
He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56800
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Andy
For two hours? Really?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56801
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Oscar
So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56802
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Andy
If the shoe fits.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56803
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Brian
We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56804
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Jim
Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56805
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Brian
Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56806
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56807
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Jim
What?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56808
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Brian
At least my crying won't get you fired.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56809
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Jim
Crying?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56810
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Andy
I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56811
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Dwight
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56812
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Andy
And you sold it to Jan too.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56813
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Dwight
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56814
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Andy
I mean... I'm impressed.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56815
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56816
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Andy
Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56817
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Dwight
You were on a boat.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56818
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Andy
I was...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56819
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Dwight
On a boat.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56820
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Andy
That...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56821
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Dwight
In the ocean.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56822
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Andy
OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? Just say the word 'coolio'.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56823
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Dwight
I'm not gonna say it.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56824
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Andy
Say it.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56825
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Dwight
Not a word.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56826
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Andy
Coolio.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56827
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Dwight
No! What do you think you're doing?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56828
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Andy
Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56829
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Dwight
Don't you dare! Andy!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56830
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Jan
Hello?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56831
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Andy
Hey, Jan. Nard dog here.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56832
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Jan
Oh, Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56833
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Andy
I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56834
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Jan
Really?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56835
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Andy
Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56836
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Jan
Hmm.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56837
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Dwight
Coolio.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56838
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Jan
Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56839
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Dwight
Coolio. Coolio.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56840
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Andy
No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56841
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Jan
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56842
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Dwight
Coolio.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56843
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Andy
It, it's, it's actually just an issue...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56844
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Jan
You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56845
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Dwight
No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56846
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Andy
Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56847
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Jan
Tell Angela to send me a final invoice.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56848
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Andy
Well, ah, ah...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56849
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Dwight
Please Ja, Ja...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56850
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Andy
Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56851
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Andy
Hey, everybody, great job. Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56852
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Angela
Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56853
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Andy
All right. Thank you very much. Looking good. Who's that little fella?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56854
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Angela
It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56855
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Andy
Wow, that's wonderful!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56856
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Oscar
A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56857
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Andy
Uh-huh.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56858
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Angela
Uh-huh.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56859
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Andy
Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56860
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Dwight
Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56861
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Clark
Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56862
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Kevin
He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56863
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Dwight
God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56864
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Dwight
I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56865
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Nellie
I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56866
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Meredith
Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56867
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Erin
Hey!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56868
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Pete
Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56869
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Erin
Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56870
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Dwight
Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56871
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Andy
What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! All right. Back to work.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56872
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Pam
OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56873
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Jim
I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56874
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Pam
I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56875
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Jim
Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56876
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Pam
It's not Brian's fault.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56877
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Jim
No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56878
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Pam
OK.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56879
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Andy
I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56880
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Dwight
Well, we had the Scranton White Pages.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56881
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Andy
Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56882
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David Wallace
Hey guys.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56883
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Andy
Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56884
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David Wallace
Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56885
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56886
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David Wallace
Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56887
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Andy
Great!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56888
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David Wallace
Great job, everybody!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56889
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Andy
We had to let a warehouse guy go?!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56890
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Kevin
You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank...
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56891
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Dwight
' lit the whole thing on fire. It was crazy.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56892
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Andy
What?!
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56893
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56894
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Andy
There was a fire in the warehouse?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56895
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Dwight
The whole thing is in ashes. Fire department was here. It was in all the papers.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56896
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Kevin
Whoa.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56897
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Andy
This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else?
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56898
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Phyllis
We started selling balloons.
Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56899