Pam

Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56700

Jim

It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56701

Pam

Alakazam!

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56702

Jim

By the way, they do need an extra day next week.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56703

Pam

And, poof! He disappears.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56704

Erin

Hey! Wanna play hookey today?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56705

Pete

Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56706

Erin

We can do anything you want.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56707

Erin

I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56708

Pete

Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56709

Erin

Wanna play catch in the parking lot?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56710

Pete

Sure.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56711

Erin

Great.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56712

Pete

I'll get my coat.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56713

Erin

Perfect.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56714

Dwight

Come in.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56715

Dwight

Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56716

Dwight

I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56717

Dwight

I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56718

Kevin

Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56719

Kevin

[to entire office]OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56720

Nellie

I say we all have one last fun boss-less day.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56721

Meredith

Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56722

Phyllis

Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kill your loneliness.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56723

Stanley

Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56724

Phyllis

Oh...

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56725

Angela

They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. They use a watch repair kit.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56726

Kevin

Ew! I'll be your foot buddy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56727

Nellie

Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56728

Clark

It's what I do.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56729

Oscar

Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the...

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56730

Darryl

No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56731

Oscar

All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my...

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56732

Darryl

Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56733

Pam

These are gross.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56734

Jim

They are terrible.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56735

Pam

Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56736

Jim

Oh my god. That's so romantic.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56737

Pam

It's with Brian and Alyssa.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56738

Jim

Oh my god. That's less romantic.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56739

Pam

I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56740

Jim

Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56741

Pam

That sounds nice.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56742

Jim

I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56743

Nail stylist 1

Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56744

Nail stylist 2

You take off your glasses.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56745

Clark

Kay.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56746

Nellie

What?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56747

Nail stylist 2

Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56748

Nellie

My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56749

Clark

Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. Excuse me. Full price. We're not together.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56750

Nellie

Oh, come on!

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56751

Clark

She's living a lie.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56752

Nellie

Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56753

Oscar

Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56754

Nail manager

No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56755

Oscar

We are together. Romantically.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56756

Nail manager

Two men? Doesn't work. No discount.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56757

Darryl

Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56758

Jim

Hey, Brian.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56759

Brian

Hey.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56760

Pam

Sorry we're late.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56761

Brian

Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56762

Pam

Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56763

Jim

What?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56764

Pam

He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56765

Jim

Oh.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56766

Brian

It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56767

Pam

Yeah.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56768

Jim

Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56769

Brian

It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56770

Pam

Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56771

Brian

That's... OK, great. Does he pay well?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56772

Pam

Where's Alyssa?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56773

Brian

Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56774

Pam

Oh.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56775

Brian

Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56776

Dwight

I have yet another sales order for you to sign.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56777

Dwight

Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56778

Andy

Hi Dwight.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56779

Dwight

You're back. And you're disgusting.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56780

Phyllis

Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56781

Andy

Well, well, well, look who it is.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56782

Phyllis

Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56783

Andy

I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56784

Erin

Andy!

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56785

Andy

Hey! Sweetheart! I have missed you so much.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56786

Erin

Yes. Welcome back, buddy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56787

Andy

I have been dreaming of this moment.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56788

Erin

Me too. So much. I'm so happy.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56789

Erin

I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56790

Oscar

What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56791

Andy

Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56792

Dwight

Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56793

Andy

Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56794

Clark

Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56795

Dwight

No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56796

Andy

I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56797

Erin

He only emailed me four times.

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56798

Andy

Question. Where's Jim?

Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56799

"Couples Discount" Quotes