Every quote from The Office season 9, episode 14, in script order. First aired January 31, 2013.
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Nate
He did it.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56540
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Pam
All right. You can go. Give him his gum.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56541
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Dwight
There's no gum. There never was any gum.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56542
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Nate
That's really rude.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56543
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Kevin
Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56544
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Oscar
That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56545
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Party Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56546
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Senator
Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56547
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Angela
Oh, Robert, you're horrible. Simon, Maxine. Who let you guys in here?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56548
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Athlead Employee
This is the team.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56549
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Jim
Nice job, man.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56550
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Darryl
You too... Darryl.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56551
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Jim
What? Oh, man! I'm sorry about that.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56552
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Darryl
It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56553
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Jim
Oh, um... Are you really mad about this?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56554
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Darryl
That's my go-to thermos. That's all.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56555
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Jim
Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56556
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Darryl
No big deal. No big deal.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56557
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Jim
No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56558
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Darryl
Nah, nah...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56559
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Jim
No big deal.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56560
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Darryl
Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56561
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Jim
Honestly, I don't mind. Did you want me to wash it for you or...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56562
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Darryl
I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56563
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Jim
OK. Here ya go.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56564
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Darryl
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56565
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Nellie
So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56566
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Pam
Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56567
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Toby
You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56568
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Frank
I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56569
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Pam
Well, I didn't think that butt was funny.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56570
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Frank
Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56571
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Pam
What was that?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56572
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Frank
You know what? You people can't fire me. So, screw you.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56573
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Pam
Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56574
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Toby
Uh... it... compliment...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56575
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Nellie
The first 'sorry' sounded sincere.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56576
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Toby
There were two or three 'sorry's in there.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56577
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Pam
That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56578
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Dwight
Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56579
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Pam
We should just take him down.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56580
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Dwight
Wait. Are you saying...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56581
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Pam
I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56582
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Dwight
Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56583
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Dwight
He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56584
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Pam
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56585
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Dwight
A little eye for an eye action.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56586
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Pam
Yes!
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56587
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Dwight
Go all Hammurabi on this clown.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56588
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Pam
We need an infiltrator.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56589
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Dwight
I know just the man for the job.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56590
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Pam
Clark?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56591
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Dwight
He even looks like a mole.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56592
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Oscar
One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56593
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Party Guest
You two seem very close.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56594
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Senator
Yes. We're good friends. Good friends.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56595
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Oscar
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56596
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Senator
You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56597
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Oscar
Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56598
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Darryl
Oh, hey.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56599
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Jim
Hey.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56600
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Darryl
I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56601
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Jim
Yeah. Totally.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56602
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Darryl
All right.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56603
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Jim
It's mine. Don't worry.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56604
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Darryl
I didn't say anything.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56605
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Jim
I don't think you had to.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56606
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Darryl
Excuse me?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56607
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Jim
I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56608
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Darryl
What you need flour for, Jim?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56609
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Jim
That's not the point.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56610
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Darryl
What? You making bread?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56611
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Jim
No, I'm not making bread.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56612
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Darryl
What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56613
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Jim
Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56614
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Darryl
All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56615
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Jim
It's all good. Are we all good?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56616
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Darryl
We good.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56617
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Jim
What's that cooler?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56618
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Darryl
Nothing. It's mine. What happened to my Tavis Smileys?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56619
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Jim
Oh, crap. Were those yours?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56620
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Dwight
I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56621
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Clark
Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56622
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Dwight
Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56623
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Clark
OK, boss. Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56624
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Pam
Shh, shh.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56625
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Clark
This is never gonna work.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56626
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Pam
Shh. Remember your lines.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56627
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Clark
What lines?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56628
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Dwight
Go move some paper!
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56629
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Pam
Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56630
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Darryl
He's not my hire, but I know who he is.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56631
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Pam
OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56632
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Darryl
What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56633
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Pam
Yeah, something like that.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56634
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Darryl
I know he loves his pick up truck.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56635
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Pam
Oh, great! His truck!
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56636
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Dwight
Great. Get the plate number.
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56637
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Pam
OK. Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that?
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56638
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Dwight
So we know which truck to van...
Season 9 · Episode 14 · Quote 56639