Nellie

Have you seen Darryl?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56440

Erin

He's around here somewhere.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56441

Nellie

Mmm.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56442

Erin

Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56443

Erin

Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56444

Erin

Darryl. Meet... bear... ull.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56445

Darryl

How much did you pay for that?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56446

Erin

Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56447

Darryl

Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56448

Erin

Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! That guy's hilarious. He's here today.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56449

Pam

I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... Oh my god! Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? Huh? No way. No way!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56450

Angela

Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56451

Erin

Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56452

Angela

No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56453

Kevin

Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation...

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56454

Angela

No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56455

Oscar

Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56456

Angela

What?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56457

Oscar

He said he wanted me there for support.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56458

Angela

I'm his! His... wife.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56459

Oscar

Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. Me.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56460

Angela

We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56461

Jim

Hey.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56462

Darryl

Hey.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56463

Jim

We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56464

Darryl

Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56465

Jim

And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56466

Darryl

Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56467

Jim

I'm couching it!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56468

Darryl

Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56469

Jim

And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56470

Darryl

I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to soak... He hooked me up with a job.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56471

Pam

Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56472

Pam

I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56473

Jim

Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56474

Darryl

Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to hit first.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56475

Jim

Who is this guy? We are killing it.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56476

Darryl

Yes sir.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56477

Jim

Yeah!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56478

Pam

Conference room. Everybody. Now!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56479

Dwight

You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56480

Pam

Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56481

Dwight

You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56482

Pam

Yeah.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56483

Dwight

Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56484

Pam

I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56485

Erin

I thought that's what you were doing.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56486

Pam

Yeah, but this is different.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56487

Erin

Oh. They used worse paint than your paint?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56488

Pam

I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So...

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56489

Erin

I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56490

Pam

Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56491

Meredith

Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56492

Creed

Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56493

Oscar

Pam, what can be done?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56494

Pam

Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56495

Oscar

I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56496

Pam

What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56497

Phyllis

David Wallace called this meeting?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56498

Pam

Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56499

Pam

No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56500

Dwight

Pam, I'll help you.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56501

Pam

You will?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56502

Dwight

If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56503

Pam

Thank you.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56504

Nellie

I am in too, Pam.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56505

Pam

Yeah?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56506

Nellie

Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56507

Pam

Great.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56508

Pam

I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56509

Dwight

You need my pitchfork?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56510

Angela

Hey!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56511

Dwight

What is it? I have vengeance to exact.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56512

Angela

Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56513

Dwight

Ah, I'm not interested.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56514

Angela

What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56515

Dwight

If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56516

Kevin

Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56517

Angela

No.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56518

Kevin

OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56519

Angela

Aw, crap.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56520

Dwight

I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56521

Frank

You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56522

Dwight

Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56523

Glenn

I'm not drawing a butt.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56524

Nellie

All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56525

Dwight

Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56526

Val

OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56527

Dwight

Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts...

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56528

Nellie

Well, this is getting us nowhere.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56529

Pam

We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56530

Dwight

We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. Nate. Your mother is dying.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56531

Pam

See, I feel bad about that.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56532

Dwight

It's all right. It's all right.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56533

Nate

So, she's gonna pull through again? That's great. Can I talk to her?

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56534

Dwight

No. She needs her rest again.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56535

Nellie

Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56536

Dwight

You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum.

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56537

Nate

Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt...

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56538

Pam

Tell us who defaced the mural!

Season 9 · Episode 14 · Line 56539

"Vandalism" Quotes