"Junior Salesman" Quotes (page 3)

Every line from The Office season 9, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 31, 2013.

279 quotes · page 3 of 3

Dwight

Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps; hearing, vision, basic cognition. Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today. And this is a guy who loves to start fires. Troy is literally one of a kind. He's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. And yet I'm hesitant. Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56361
Dwight

No, no, no. I just need to tell them. I just need to tell them.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56362
Melvina

Do you need to be changed?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56363
Dwight

I do that myself now.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56364
Melvina

Mm. Are you going to make a decision soon? I've been double-parked for five hours. I'm wondering if I should move my car.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56365
Dwight

No, you've been towed by now. They tow after about 45 minutes.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56366
Melvina

Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. All they did was save me some gas.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56367
Trevor

Hey man, we get how difficult this is. And no matter how you choose, we're still gonna be your friend.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56368
Wolf

Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina'

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56369
Dwight

Or none of you

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56370
Wolf

Yeah, you'd bring us all down here, put us through the wringer and then choose none of us.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56371
Trevor

Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56372
Dwight

I wish I could hire all of you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56373
Zeke

I could start Monday.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56374
Dwight

Psst. Jim Jim? Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56375
Jim

Ahh, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56376
Dwight

Just act natural.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56377
Dwight

And I was thinking it's only fair that you help make this decision since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56378
Jim

But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56379
Dwight

Aah! God, that sucks! Aah! What are you gonna do? I mean, it's your call.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56380
Jim

Nope. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? Not even Gabor?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56381
Dwight

I guess I just have higher standards for my work colleagues than for my friends. I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56382
Jim

I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56383
Dwight

Summer. Winter. Jungle. Formal.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56384
Jim

Well, I for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. You?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56385
Dwight

Yes. Thank you. Amazed.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56386
Jim

And I gotta say, this was a tough decision. And we had to go with none of you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56387
Sensei Ira

I'm sorry?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56388
Dwight

What? This is such bullcrap!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56389
Jim

Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge, so you have no say.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56390
Dwight

Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of B.C. How could you do this to them?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56391
Jim

Too much now.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56392
Dwight

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56393
Nate

Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56394
Dwight

Okay, this is an outrage. Ugh! You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56395
Jim

That seems inconsiderate.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56396
Rolf

No. We get it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56397
Dwight

Guys, it wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on. Guys, it wasn't my choice! I would have hired all of you! Gabor, Gabor.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56398
Trevor

Well, my day's shot.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56399
Rolf

Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56400
Wolf

I got it. Paintball.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56401
Dwight

Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56402
Trevor

And what are we supposed to do until then?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56403
Dwight

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56404
Wolf

Let's just go, you guys.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56405
Rolf

Yeah. No limit on weapons class, right?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56406
Jim

All right. I think that went well.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56407
Jim

So, uh, if you just take a look at this, and then that'll print out'Hey. Meet your new desk mate.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56408
Clark

What's up good lookin'?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56409
Pam

Oh, cool. Hey Clark.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56410
Jim

Trust me, this is the least of all evils. It took me all day to pull this off, so you should be thrilled, considering.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56411
Pam

Yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda liked my old desk mate.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56412
Jim

Okay. I'm really sorry I told the guys I'd be there for the board meeting.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56413
Pam

Of course.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56414
Jim

I'll call you when I get there.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56415
Pam

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56416
Jim

All right.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56417
Pam

Bye.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56418
Jim

Take care of my wife. I will be back.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56419
Dwight

They say that everyone outgrows their friends at some point in their lives. Well I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56420
Clark

Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen. You want anything?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56421
Pam

I'm good.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56422
Dwight

Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56423
Clark

Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta be this cool for coffee.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56424
Dwight

[scoffs]

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56425
Pam

Hey, Dwight. Wanna haze the new guy?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56426
Dwight

Who, me?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56427
Pam

Us.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56428
Dwight

Absolutely, I do.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56429
Pam

Okay. Okay, here. Okay, so the next time he goes to the bathroom, I'll distract him, you take that.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56430
Dwight

Okay, yeah, I know what to do. Okay. Oh, that's great.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56431
Pam

[shushes]

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56432
Pam & Dwight

[laughs]

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56433
Dwight

Aah!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56434
Clark

No!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56435
Dwight

Welcome to the club, pig!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56436
Pam

No, Dwight!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56437
Dwight

Aah!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56438
Jim

No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters. Definitely does.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56439