"Junior Salesman" Quotes

Name: Junior Salesman
Released: 2013-01-31

Every line from The Office season 9, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 31, 2013.

279 quotes · page 1 of 3

Pam

Hey Brian, you got a sec?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56161
Brian

Yeah, hold on a sec.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56162
Pam

I feel awful.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56163
Brian

It's fine. It was my first slip up in nine years of miking you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56164
Erin

Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56165
Pam

Well, thanks for being a good friend.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56166
Brian

Sure, anytime. Uh, how about you and Jim? Everything squared away?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56167
Pam

Yeah, mostly.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56168
Erin

Pam, phone call.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56169
Pam

Um, hey, say Hi to Alyssa.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56170
Brian

Will do.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56171
Pam

Okay. Thank you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56172
Brian

Sure.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56173
Meredith

Hey, boom guy.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56174
Brian

Oh, hey Meredith.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56175
Meredith

When are you gonna boom me?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56176
Brian

Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna' I, I'll see you later.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56177
Meredith

Got it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56178
Clark

Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people to interview for the sales job?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56179
Dwight

That's right, a couple of old friends. Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56180
Clark

Well, uh' see, you raised it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56181
Dwight

Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56182
Dwight

Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. It's like, 'Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses.' Wow.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56183
Clark

You know what, man? I deserve this job.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56184
Dwight

Mm-hmm.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56185
Clark

I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond' and under.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56186
Dwight

You know what? You're gonna get your interview, okay? I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, but you got a really good chance.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56187
Dwight

Clark has no chance. I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor ' he'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56188
Clark

This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56189
Dwight

Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56190
Jim

You could've just called that an alliance too, right?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56191
Dwight

I chose my words very carefully.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56192
Jim

Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. And if my working in Philly is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, that's only gonna make things worse.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56193
Clark

You interviewing for the sales job too?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56194
Rolf

No. You're interviewing for it. I'm getting it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56195
Clark

Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56196
Rolf

I'm Rolf. Rolf Ahl.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56197
Clark

Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56198
Rolf

Go to hell.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56199
Clark

There he is.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56200
Dwight

Hey. Come on, buddy. Let's do this. Sorry, Rolf goes first. You don't compare. When you're with the R-O-L-F, you're literally Rolling on the Laughing Floor.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56201
Rolf

Nice.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56202
Dwight

Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man. Cool, calm, and collected 24/7. Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. Such a sweet guy.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56203
Pam

When are you talking to David Wallace?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56204
Jim

I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56205
Pam

Too late. My hopes are up.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56206
Jim

Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, so we're scrambling to find new funding. Luckily, my partners have a fix ' me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning to give us a gigantic influx of cash. So' problem solved. Thanks, guys.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56207
Dwight

And this chair's gonna be yours. And this desk. Ha!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56208
Jim

I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56209
Dwight

No doy!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56210
Jim

I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56211
Rolf

I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do earbuds.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56212
Dwight

No earbuds!

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56213
Jim

I'm sure he's just nervous.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56214
Pam

It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. Doesn't matter.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56215
Dwight

So I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56216
Rolf

Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56217
Dwight

Well, I'm the one offering the job.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56218
Rolf

What are your credentials?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56219
Dwight

I've worked here for 12 years. I won salesman of the year. I'm an Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56220
Rolf

I think I've heard everything I need to hear.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56221
Dwight

Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56222
Rolf

Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56223
Dwight

Well, they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next and he's a real professional. You say, 'Jump,' and he says, 'Oh who?' He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56224
Dwight

What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56225
Trevor

Ooh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56226
Dwight

Well, it's a pretty basic question for a potential paper salesman.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56227
Trevor

Pass. Next one.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56228
Dwight

All right. Do you see yourself as more of a team player or a self-starter?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56229
Trevor

No, no and no.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56230
Dwight

There were only two options.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56231
Trevor

Checkmate. You win this one, my friend. Do you validate parking?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56232
Dwight

This is a bus transfer.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56233
Trevor

Nothing gets by this guy.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56234
Clark

Hey Jim, do you mind if I look over these price sheets before my interview?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56235
Jim

Sure, yeah, go ahead.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56236
Clark

Thanks, dude. You'you sure it's okay? 'Cause you're kinda'

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56237
Jim

Yeah, absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? You're clean, right?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56238
Clark

Oh, Dove Men.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56239
Jim

Nice. Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, not a Florence and the Machine concert, so'

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56240
Clark

Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56241
Jim

Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56242
Clark

Thanks, dude.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56243
Jim

Right after you do one thing for me. I need you to breathe in my face.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56244
Clark

Why?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56245
Jim

I need you to breathe in my face right now.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56246
Clark

[exhales]

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56247
Jim

What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen?

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56248
Clark

Wintergreen.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56249
Jim

I knew it, I knew it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56250
Clark

Yeah, good nose.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56251
Jim

I looked at you coming around, and I said, 'Wintergreen.'

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56252
Dwight

I can't hire Clark. Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert and he acts like a Beesly.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56253
Dwight

Okay, here's one. A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify for a volume discount now wants to return half the stock. You can't rebate the sales price or credit for future purchases because you brokered the deal for a third party.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56254
Clark

That's just a classic no-win situation.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56255
Dwight

Thank you.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56256
Clark

So I'd Kobayashi Maru it.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56257
Dwight

Damn it! Perfect answer, again.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56258
Clark

Yep.

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56259
Dwight

Think Dwight, think. You have a ream of 16-bond '

Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56260