Every line from The Office season 9, episode 10, in script order. First aired January 10, 2013.
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Erin
To be washed.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55457
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Angela
What do we do about our heads?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55458
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Dwight
I'm not gonna lie. Lye!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55459
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Erin
No, all we need is mayonnaise.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55460
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Angela
Excuse me?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55461
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Pam
She's right, it works. I would imagine.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55462
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Erin
Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55463
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Oscar
I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55464
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Meredith
Shaboom! How do you like me now!?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55465
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Angela
Oh.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55466
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Oscar
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55467
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Meredith
Take a picture. It will last longer.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55468
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Angela
We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55469
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Creed
Bald people make me sick.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55470
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Meredith
Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55471
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Erin
Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55472
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Pam
Oh! Uh, uh I'll go.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55473
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Angela
Okay. Oh, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55474
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Oscar
You're a saint, Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55475
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Pam
No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55476
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Meredith
Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55477
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Pam
Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55478
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Dwight
Let's talk pubes, people.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55479
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Val
Hey, Darryl.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55480
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Darryl
Oh, hey Val.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55481
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Nellie
Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55482
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Darryl
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55483
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Phyllis
What's gonna make you feel better, big guy?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55484
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Darryl
When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55485
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Nellie
Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55486
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Kevin
I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55487
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Phyllis
Mmm, this won't help him, it's a muffin, not cake.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55488
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Nellie
Listen, let's try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55489
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Kevin
An Escalade.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55490
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Nellie
Or what's her name.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55491
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Phyllis
Val.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55492
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Nellie
Let's get Darryl Val.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55493
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Julius Irving
I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here. I can't get my knees under a desk.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55494
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Jim
Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55495
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Julius
Well, do you think you can sink one from deep?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55496
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Jim
Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55497
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Julius
Okay. Wow, Halpert's got game.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55498
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Jim
Alright. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55499
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Julius
It's your wife? You better take it.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55500
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Jim
Right! Hey, what's up? Everything ok?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55501
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Pam
Oh, no everything's great! Um, I was just calling to see how the meeting went.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55502
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Jim
It's still happening right now actually, so uh...
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55503
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Pam
He's really making you work for it, huh?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55504
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Jim
Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55505
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Pam
Great. I am killing it over here. Jim, I gotta go.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55506
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Jim
Okay, bye. So sorry about that.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55507
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Julius
No problem. Hey Jim, what size do you wear, man? I got a pair of japanese Nikes with your name on them. What do you think?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55508
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Jim
I love it.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55509
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Erin
Once it's all over your head, just leavr it there for four hours. That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep, suffrocate, and then pass away.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55510
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Dwight
Oh sure, and when you're ready to get serious, come to me to get it done right.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55511
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Stanley
Put those away before you hurt yourself.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55512
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Dwight
Oh God, oh no. No. No. No! No! No! No! No!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55513
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Erin
Okay, it's easier with a buddy, so everybody pair up.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55514
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Angela
Oscar, do you want to be my partner?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55515
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Oscar
Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to..
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55516
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Creed
Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55517
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Erin
Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55518
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Pete
Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55519
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Pam
Hey, Creed, wanna be my buddy?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55520
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Creed
Oh God. Stuck with the weirdo.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55521
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Oscar
Angela.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55522
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Angela
You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55523
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Meredith
You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55524
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Pam
Creed, I'm all done. My turn.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55525
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Creed
I'm sorry, Pam. It looks a little messy.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55526
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Pam
Well, wait.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55527
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Pete
How's that?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55528
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Erin
I feel it working. Eiffel tower!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55529
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Val
Can I help you?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55530
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Phyllis
Well, we don't want to pry but we heard you broke up with Darryl.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55531
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Val
Yeah, that's true.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55532
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Phyllis
We think you made a big, big mistake.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55533
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Kevin
Big mistake.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55534
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Nellie
Quite enormous.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55535
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Phyllis
He's a real catch and you should take him back.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55536
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Val
Ok, thank you. Is that all?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55537
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Nellie
No. No, that is not all. Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you're all you need. One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because in some strange way it is you?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55538
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Val
Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55539
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Kevin
So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55540
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Val
No.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55541
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Kevin
Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55542
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Val
Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55543
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Pam
Hello?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55544
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Helene
Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55545
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Pam
What, no. That can't...I don't...
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55546
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Helene
Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like...[Pam hangs up phone]
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55547
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Angela
Oh my God.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55548
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Meredith
Shave her head. Shave her head!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55549
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Pam
[everyone yelling at Pam]You guys, I am so sorry! It's just been so chaotic with Jim gone, that...
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55550
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Meredith
Yeah yeah, Princess Fancypants let Jane 12-pack over here take the fall.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55551
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Dwight
She's right Pam.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55552
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Pam
Is there a volume knob on that thing?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55553
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Dwight
Yeah there's a volume knob on that thing.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55554
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Pam
Meredith, I am so sorry.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55555
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Angela
Well, a lot of good your sorrys are doing her now, Pam. She's a monster.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Line 55556