Every line from The Office season 8, episode 9, in script order. First aired December 1, 2011.
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Susan
Why do you keep looking at my husband?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48312
-
Robert
Andy, just answer the question.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48313
-
Andy
No games?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48314
-
Robert
No games.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48315
-
Andy
Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, 'in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen.'
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48316
-
Robert
You lying son of a bitch!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48317
-
Robert
Tell my wife you're lying.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48318
-
Andy
I am lying. I am a compulsive liar.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48319
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Susan
That's not true, is it?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48320
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Andy
No, it's not. I tell the truth most of the time and I was just telling the truth about your husband. Jim knows. He was there.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48321
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Robert
This is preposterous.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48322
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Susan
Robert...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48323
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Robert
Let's get Jim in here. Where's Jim?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48324
-
Erin
He just rolled out and crawled out.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48325
-
Robert
Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48326
-
Jim
Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48327
-
Robert
That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48328
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Jim
Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48329
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Creed
Okay. What about your friend?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48330
-
Jim
Oh boy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48331
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Dwight
This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48332
-
Darryl
Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions and I might not do what you say.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48333
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Dwight
First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48334
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Darryl
Okay, I'm not doing that.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48335
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Dwight
Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48336
-
Gabe
I didn't know Darryl joined.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48337
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Darryl
Looks that way.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48338
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Gabe
Nice pelvic bowl. Deep.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48339
-
Robert
Hello Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48340
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Andy
No, no. No, no, no! Don't! Damn it, Tuna!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48341
-
Robert
So I think you know what we want to know.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48342
-
Jim
Do I?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48343
-
Robert
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48344
-
Jim
I know, I do.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48345
-
Andy
Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48346
-
Jim
I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48347
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Susan
For God's sake, did Robert tell you that he didn't want me working here?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48348
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Jim
That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48349
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Andy
I think we've got ourselves an answer.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48350
-
Robert
No.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48351
-
Andy
That makes complete sense. Thank you all for a wonderful day.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48352
-
Jim
Perfect!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48353
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Susan
Jim...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48354
-
Jim
Yes?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48355
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Susan
Answer the question, please.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48356
-
Jim
I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48357
-
Robert
All right. Thanks.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48358
-
Jim
Yes. All right. Great.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48359
-
Andy
Uh...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48360
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Robert
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48361
-
Andy
Yep.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48362
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Susan
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48363
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Robert
Heh.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48364
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Susan
Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48365
-
Andy
Hey, Mrs. California.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48366
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Susan
Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about the position you were put in today.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48367
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Andy
You know, honestly, we all wanted you to work there. Except for him. Especially me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48368
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Susan
Yeah, I thought we really hit it off.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48369
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48370
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Susan
Well, different circumstances.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48371
-
Andy
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48372
-
Susan
Who knows?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48373
-
Andy
Who knows?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48374
-
Susan
Maybe after all this settles down...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48375
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Andy
Totally.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48376
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Susan
It's a date.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48377
-
Andy
Hmm?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48378
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Dwight
You're nothing! You're so weak, you call yourself a man? Huh?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48379
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Darryl
This doesn't help me. I don't respond to that kind of strategy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48380
-
Dwight
Okay, fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48381
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Darryl
Dwight, come back and spot me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48382
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Dwight
All right, I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48383
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Darryl
To push this bar up.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48384
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Dwight
No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. What is your goal?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48385
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Darryl
Help me!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48386
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Dwight
What do you want!?!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48387
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Darryl
To look good for Val!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48388
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Dwight
Val Kilmer? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense. Wow... I figured out your goal. I am going to make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48389
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Gabe
They say that if you can strengthen your core, it improves your sexual performance. So, you will find me on the Ab-Blaster. And then you will find me blasting...uh, a very nice young woman.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48390
-
Meredith
Gotta get in shape. I'm doing Ironman next month. And I want him to be attracted to me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48391
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Dwight
Hey, what are you listening to?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48392
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Gabe
Steve Martin. uh, I'm fine.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48393
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Erin
Um, where's the shower?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48394
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Dwight
There is no shower.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48395
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Kathy
There isn't?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48396
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Dwight
What does this look like, a shower store? Get lost.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48397
-
Oscar
You have got to be kidding me! No shower?!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48398
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Dwight
Exercise lengthens life. Improves mood, boosts sex drive, and I've already covered the BM of it all. It's miraculous the effect that I will have on their lives.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48399
-
Andy
So, Roberto Californio doesn't want to work with his wife. I get it. And, he wants to give his wife a job. Totally get it. What I am struggling with is the part of this that's impossible.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48400
-
Robert
I love my wife.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48401
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Jim
This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. I'm not getting between the boss and his wife so just ask me about something else. You know Stanley's tie is really the story of the day...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48402
-
Stanley
It's my birthday.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48403
-
Jim
Ok, so that's a disaster. Luckily have a two-part plan. One, run. Two, hide. It's pretty smart, right? Hi, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert from across the hall. We are redoing our supply closet and I was wondering if I could take a look at yours for some ideas.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48404
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Bob's Secretary
Let me just check with Bob.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48405
-
Jim
You absolutely should. He said it was ok, so till you get him, I'll just be in, you know.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48406
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Bob's Secretary
Bob? Jim just went into the closet.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48407
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Andy
Ugh! He's always one step ahead of us! How does he do that?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48408
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Mrs. California
This is insulting!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48409
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Robert
This whole accusation is insulting. Come on.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48410