Every quote from The Office season 8, episode 9, in script order. First aired December 1, 2011.
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Susan
Why do you keep looking at my husband?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48312
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Robert
Andy, just answer the question.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48313
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Andy
No games?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48314
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Robert
No games.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48315
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Andy
Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, 'in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen.'
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48316
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Robert
You lying son of a bitch!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48317
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Robert
Tell my wife you're lying.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48318
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Andy
I am lying. I am a compulsive liar.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48319
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Susan
That's not true, is it?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48320
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Andy
No, it's not. I tell the truth most of the time and I was just telling the truth about your husband. Jim knows. He was there.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48321
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Robert
This is preposterous.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48322
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Susan
Robert...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48323
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Robert
Let's get Jim in here. Where's Jim?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48324
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Erin
He just rolled out and crawled out.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48325
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Robert
Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48326
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Jim
Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48327
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Robert
That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48328
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Jim
Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48329
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Creed
Okay. What about your friend?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48330
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Jim
Oh boy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48331
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Dwight
This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48332
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Darryl
Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions and I might not do what you say.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48333
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Dwight
First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48334
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Darryl
Okay, I'm not doing that.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48335
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Dwight
Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48336
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Gabe
I didn't know Darryl joined.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48337
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Darryl
Looks that way.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48338
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Gabe
Nice pelvic bowl. Deep.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48339
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Robert
Hello Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48340
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Andy
No, no. No, no, no! Don't! Damn it, Tuna!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48341
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Robert
So I think you know what we want to know.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48342
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Jim
Do I?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48343
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Robert
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48344
-
Jim
I know, I do.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48345
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Andy
Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48346
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Jim
I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48347
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Susan
For God's sake, did Robert tell you that he didn't want me working here?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48348
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Jim
That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48349
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Andy
I think we've got ourselves an answer.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48350
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Robert
No.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48351
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Andy
That makes complete sense. Thank you all for a wonderful day.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48352
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Jim
Perfect!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48353
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Susan
Jim...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48354
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Jim
Yes?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48355
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Susan
Answer the question, please.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48356
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Jim
I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48357
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Robert
All right. Thanks.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48358
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Jim
Yes. All right. Great.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48359
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Andy
Uh...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48360
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Robert
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48361
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Andy
Yep.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48362
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Susan
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48363
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Robert
Heh.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48364
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Susan
Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48365
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Andy
Hey, Mrs. California.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48366
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Susan
Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about the position you were put in today.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48367
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Andy
You know, honestly, we all wanted you to work there. Except for him. Especially me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48368
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Susan
Yeah, I thought we really hit it off.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48369
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48370
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Susan
Well, different circumstances.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48371
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48372
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Susan
Who knows?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48373
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Andy
Who knows?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48374
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Susan
Maybe after all this settles down...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48375
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Andy
Totally.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48376
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Susan
It's a date.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48377
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Andy
Hmm?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48378
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Dwight
You're nothing! You're so weak, you call yourself a man? Huh?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48379
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Darryl
This doesn't help me. I don't respond to that kind of strategy.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48380
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Dwight
Okay, fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48381
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Darryl
Dwight, come back and spot me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48382
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Dwight
All right, I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48383
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Darryl
To push this bar up.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48384
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Dwight
No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. What is your goal?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48385
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Darryl
Help me!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48386
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Dwight
What do you want!?!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48387
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Darryl
To look good for Val!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48388
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Dwight
Val Kilmer? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense. Wow... I figured out your goal. I am going to make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48389
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Gabe
They say that if you can strengthen your core, it improves your sexual performance. So, you will find me on the Ab-Blaster. And then you will find me blasting...uh, a very nice young woman.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48390
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Meredith
Gotta get in shape. I'm doing Ironman next month. And I want him to be attracted to me.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48391
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Dwight
Hey, what are you listening to?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48392
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Gabe
Steve Martin. uh, I'm fine.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48393
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Erin
Um, where's the shower?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48394
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Dwight
There is no shower.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48395
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Kathy
There isn't?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48396
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Dwight
What does this look like, a shower store? Get lost.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48397
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Oscar
You have got to be kidding me! No shower?!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48398
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Dwight
Exercise lengthens life. Improves mood, boosts sex drive, and I've already covered the BM of it all. It's miraculous the effect that I will have on their lives.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48399
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Andy
So, Roberto Californio doesn't want to work with his wife. I get it. And, he wants to give his wife a job. Totally get it. What I am struggling with is the part of this that's impossible.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48400
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Robert
I love my wife.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48401
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Jim
This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. I'm not getting between the boss and his wife so just ask me about something else. You know Stanley's tie is really the story of the day...
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48402
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Stanley
It's my birthday.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48403
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Jim
Ok, so that's a disaster. Luckily have a two-part plan. One, run. Two, hide. It's pretty smart, right? Hi, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert from across the hall. We are redoing our supply closet and I was wondering if I could take a look at yours for some ideas.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48404
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Bob's Secretary
Let me just check with Bob.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48405
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Jim
You absolutely should. He said it was ok, so till you get him, I'll just be in, you know.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48406
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Bob's Secretary
Bob? Jim just went into the closet.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48407
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Andy
Ugh! He's always one step ahead of us! How does he do that?
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48408
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Mrs. California
This is insulting!
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48409
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Robert
This whole accusation is insulting. Come on.
Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48410