Dwight

Oh, little help. Wow your hair is really thinning.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48112

Dwight

Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48113

Dwight

Every second you sit there is an hour off your life. Look at all of you. I feel like you're in a suicide cult.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48114

Creed

No. No. No. You're way off on that one.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48115

Dwight

Oh yeah?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48116

Oscar

Are you really comfortable standing there? I tried one of those and I just never hit the sweet spot.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48117

Jim

Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48118

Dwight

That's right Jim.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48119

Darryl

Hey man.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48120

Dwight

Hey.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48121

Darryl

Taking a load off huh?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48122

Dwight

No. Putting a load on more like it.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48123

Darryl

Good luck with that.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48124

Dwight

Last thing I need is luck.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48125

Dwight

Thank you so much.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48126

Jim

What are you up to? Oops look out!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48127

Dwight

What are you doing? Give that back. Come on!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48128

Jim

Prank!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48129

Dwight

Oh that's real creative.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48130

Jim

You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48131

Dwight

I could, but I just don't feel like it loser.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48132

Jim

Because you're sitting?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48133

Dwight

Standing.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48134

Jim

Ok.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48135

Dwight

Don't!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48136

Jim

Because you're sitting?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48137

Dwight

Standing.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48138

Jim

You know I have to do this.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48139

Dwight

I know.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48140

Andy

Andrew' Baines' Bernard.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48141

Jim

I think you could just do Andy Bernard.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48142

Andy

Andrew Baines Bernard. I love filling these out. Because it's like taking a test, but I know the answers.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48143

Robert

In four seconds my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. There you are! Honey how on earth could you miss the elevator?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48144

Andy

What was that?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48145

Jim

I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48146

Ryan

That's why my foundation ' The Dream for a Wish Foundation ' is going to put them out of business. They're not going to know what hit them.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48147

Robert

Everyone. I'd like to introduce my wife Mrs. Robert California. Mrs. California this is everyone.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48148

Susan

Hello. Oh call me Susan please.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48149

Robert

Last night at dinner Susan and I were talking about her returning to work. So she's here today to see if there's a good fit. Something tells me it just might work out. This is Andy Bernard the regional manager.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48150

Susan

Hello nice to meet you.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48151

Andy

Hey there. It's a pleasure.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48152

Robert

Andy would you be so kind as to show Susan around the office. Show her the various departments. Find a place where she'll shine.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48153

Andy

I would love to. But I have to be completely honest with you guys. We're 100 percent staffed up.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48154

Robert

Andy. Let's see if there's a good fit first. Then we'll talk.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48155

Andy

Alright.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48156

Dwight

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48157

Darryl

You don't have to say it if you're doing it.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48158

Dwight

Remember how you said that you were looking in the office to do calisthenics and aerobics?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48159

Darryl

Uh weight lifting yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48160

Dwight

Well today's your lucky day. I have opened in this very office building Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. You wanna take a look?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48161

Darryl

I'll take a look.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48162

Dwight

Your path from obesity begins right here!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48163

Darryl

I've been meaning to join a gym. For my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black President. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay President. Or a supermodel President. I want to see all the different kinds of Presidents.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48164

Dwight

Obese people in my office are a drain on resources. Chairs wear out faster, it takes more Freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often, plus their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes. But a gym turns fat into cash.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48165

Andy

Alright! The DM Express is pulling out.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48166

Susan

Well it was really nice to meet you Brian.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48167

Ryan

Actually Ryan.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48168

Susan

Oh, Ryan.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48169

Ryan

Bitttch!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48170

Andy

We will start here at Erinville.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48171

Susan

Hi.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48172

Erin

Hoo-hoo!

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48173

Andy

Reception. Your classic one-man operation.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48174

Erin

Although I was watching a movie and Merryl Streep had two secretaries.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48175

Andy

I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48176

Robert

Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance and success to our clients. Certainly worth exploring; wouldn't you agree Andy?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48177

Andy

I'll explore exploring it.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48178

Robert

Good. It seems like you have this under control. So I'll just duck out and run the company for a while.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48179

Andy

Ok uh next stop on the tour sales. Here we go. Station stop Jim Halpert. Oh boy our resident truth teller. Alright have at it. Let 'er rip. What do you hate about this place?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48180

Jim

Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48181

Dwight

Maybe you do. Hi. I'm Dwight. Sales is really not so hard ok? It's paper. We have it and they want it so bad they are willing to pay for it.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48182

Andy

Jim?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48183

Jim

Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48184

Dwight

It's the second easiest job in the world. Being a mom.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48185

Susan

I love shopping and sales is just the other side of that.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48186

Dwight

That is true.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48187

Andy

You know if you joined our sales department you would be working very closely with our department head Mr. Dwight Schrute.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48188

Dwight

That's me.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48189

Andy

Dwight why don't you tell Susan about some of your hobbies. Survival skills. Ranking of animals.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48190

Dwight

Maybe over a beer after she's closed her first sale.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48191

Susan

Well make that a red wine and I'll tell you my animal rankings.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48192

Andy

Oh how am I supposed to pull this off?. The entire office is being nice to her than they've ever been to me. What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis' classic room clearing farts right now.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48193

Dwight

Ready? What do you think?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48194

Darryl

Um no. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48195

Dwight

You haven't even looked around yet. Look. Gravel bucket squat yoke Right? Dedicated phone book ripping station. You ever cut tin before? Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire. Plus I will buy the tin back from you that you cut for two cents a yard. Now let's go over membership. I'm going to need the first month's and the last month's up front. $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month'

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48196

Darryl

Obviously you know how a gym works. So you know I'm not going to pay money for this. You want people to come to your gym? Make a real gym.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48197

Dwight

Darryl...

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48198

Darryl

Make a real gym.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48199

Susan

I was thinking accounting might be a good fit because I really clicked with Oscar and I do have some experience in bookkeeping.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48200

Andy

But we already have a surplus of accountants as it is.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48201

Susan

Uh I could work in customer service. HR even.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48202

Andy

Those are fully staffed as well.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48203

Robert

Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office that could use an extra pair of hands?

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48204

Andy

Yes.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48205

Robert

I am the CEO and I am telling an employee of mine what to do.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48206

Andy

Let me beat around the bush for a second. Our chairman of the board has some very strong feelings about-

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48207

Susan

Robert this is very uncomfortable. Obviously there's no place for me here. So thank you for trying. Why don't we just let it go.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48208

Robert

No. Absolutely not. Andrew there must be something you can do. Think.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48209

Andy

There are lots of considerations.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48210

Robert

I would be eternally grateful. It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one.

Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48211

"Mrs. California" Quotes