Every line from The Office season 8, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 27, 2011.
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Robert
Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close.. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47094
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Erin
All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47095
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Robert
You were going to talk at the end of the' I'm not here.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47096
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Andy
Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47097
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Robert
I'm never uncomfortable.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47098
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Andy
Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47099
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Erin
Sure.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47100
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Andy
And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47101
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Erin
And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47102
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Andy
No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47103
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Erin
Two dates? Three dates?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47104
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Andy
Thirty-one.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47105
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Erin
Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47106
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Robert
I should go.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47107
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Darryl
I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47108
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47109
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Pam
Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47110
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Jim
Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47111
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Pam
Really.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47112
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Jim
No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47113
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Kevin
Exactly.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47114
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47115
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Dwight
Go, get up there right now.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47116
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Bert
Got it.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47117
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Darryl
Dwight?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47118
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Dwight
You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47119
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Bert
Unleash the hellstorm.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47120
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Darryl
Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47121
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Dwight
Nice.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47122
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Darryl
Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47123
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Dwight
Got 'em. Go!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47124
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Phyllis
Is she Asian?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47125
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Erin
I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47126
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Phyllis
Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47127
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Erin
I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47128
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Phyllis
Hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47129
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Robert
Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47130
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Creed
No...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47131
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Robert
Are you scared of snakes?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47132
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Creed
You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47133
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Darryl
[in the bathroom with Robert[ Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47134
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Meredith
Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47135
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Robert
What am I up to?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47136
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Jim
Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, 'Mom, there's a ghost in my closet.' Now, you say one of two things - one, 'You're just having a bad dream,' or two, 'Let's go see what it was.'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47137
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Pam
I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47138
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Jim
Ok.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47139
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Pam
I'm not gonna lie to her, either.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47140
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Jim
Oh, come on!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47141
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Robert
When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47142
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Creed
Oh my goodness.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47143
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Robert
The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47144
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Kevin
Nooo!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47145
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Robert
Amongst them was a man, tall, slim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47146
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Meredith
Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47147
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Robert
Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. 'Oh, wait,' she thought, 'I don't have a husband.' For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, 'Baby, are you okay?' Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, 'I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine.'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47148
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Bert
[laughs]
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47149
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Robert
Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47150
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Bert
Toby?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47151
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Toby
Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47152
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Bert
You're fired.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47153
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Toby
...bones. What?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47154
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Bert
You heard me. Pack your things.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47155
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Toby
What... you can't... Gabe? Are you...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47156
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Bert
I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47157
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Angela
Oh, no.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47158
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Jim
Pink is the red-
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47159
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Robert
What are we talking about?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47160
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Jim
I was talking about my wife, and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate. Meredith said she believes in them too.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47161
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Robert
Have you seen a ghost?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47162
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Meredith
Seen and banged.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47163
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Oscar
Hmph.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47164
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Meredith
Ok, I met him in a bar, right? There's something weird about him. He doesn't smell right, the clothes are all tattered and dirty and from another age. Anyways, we end up back and my place and we go at it all night-
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47165
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Oscar
Meredith, don't.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47166
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Robert
No, no. I'm very comfortable with all things sexual. Continue.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47167
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Meredith
I wake up the next morning, all my stuff's gone. Whole house turned over. No trace. You tell me what happened.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47168
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Robert
Have you considered the possibility that you slept with a drifter?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47169
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Meredith
He didn't smell like a drifter.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47170
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Bert
What are you anyway?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47171
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Dwight
I'm a Jamaican zombie woman. Leave me alone, ghoul.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47172
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Bert
I'm a zombie from Walking Dead. It's a show.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47173
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Dwight
Uh, I know what it is. Ok? I have like a thousand people over every week to watch it. Ok? We all kinda hate it though.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47174
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Bert
Who's your favorite character?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47175
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Dwight
The city of Atlanta.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47176
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Stanley
If ghosts are real, how come everyone knows what they look like? It's not like a bunch of people got together and agreed on a lie.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47177
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47178
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Oscar
Interesting. Every culture holds this true. Clearly, there's some sort of real phenomenon out there...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47179
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Jim
Oscar, how are you on that side?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47180
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Pam
This isn't about sides. This is about me seeing a blueish gray old man in the mirror and then he vanishes.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47181
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Creed
Pam, this is important. Was he me? Am I him?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47182
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Pam
No, Creed.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47183
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Jim
But that would make more sense.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Line 47184