Every quote from The Office season 8, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 27, 2011.
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Robert
Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close.. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47094
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Erin
All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47095
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Robert
You were going to talk at the end of the' I'm not here.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47096
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Andy
Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47097
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Robert
I'm never uncomfortable.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47098
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Andy
Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47099
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Erin
Sure.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47100
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Andy
And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47101
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Erin
And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47102
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Andy
No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47103
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Erin
Two dates? Three dates?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47104
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Andy
Thirty-one.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47105
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Erin
Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47106
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Robert
I should go.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47107
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Darryl
I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47108
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47109
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Pam
Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47110
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Jim
Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47111
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Pam
Really.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47112
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Jim
No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47113
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Kevin
Exactly.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47114
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47115
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Dwight
Go, get up there right now.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47116
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Bert
Got it.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47117
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Darryl
Dwight?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47118
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Dwight
You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47119
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Bert
Unleash the hellstorm.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47120
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Darryl
Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47121
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Dwight
Nice.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47122
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Darryl
Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47123
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Dwight
Got 'em. Go!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47124
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Phyllis
Is she Asian?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47125
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Erin
I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47126
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Phyllis
Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47127
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Erin
I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47128
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Phyllis
Hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47129
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Robert
Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47130
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Creed
No...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47131
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Robert
Are you scared of snakes?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47132
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Creed
You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47133
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Darryl
[in the bathroom with Robert[ Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47134
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Meredith
Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47135
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Robert
What am I up to?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47136
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Jim
Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, 'Mom, there's a ghost in my closet.' Now, you say one of two things - one, 'You're just having a bad dream,' or two, 'Let's go see what it was.'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47137
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Pam
I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47138
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Jim
Ok.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47139
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Pam
I'm not gonna lie to her, either.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47140
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Jim
Oh, come on!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47141
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Robert
When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47142
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Creed
Oh my goodness.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47143
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Robert
The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47144
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Kevin
Nooo!
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47145
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Robert
Amongst them was a man, tall, slim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47146
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Meredith
Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47147
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Robert
Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. 'Oh, wait,' she thought, 'I don't have a husband.' For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, 'Baby, are you okay?' Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, 'I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine.'
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47148
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Bert
[laughs]
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47149
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Robert
Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47150
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Bert
Toby?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47151
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Toby
Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47152
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Bert
You're fired.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47153
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Toby
...bones. What?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47154
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Bert
You heard me. Pack your things.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47155
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Toby
What... you can't... Gabe? Are you...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47156
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Bert
I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47157
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Angela
Oh, no.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47158
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Jim
Pink is the red-
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47159
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Robert
What are we talking about?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47160
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Jim
I was talking about my wife, and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate. Meredith said she believes in them too.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47161
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Robert
Have you seen a ghost?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47162
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Meredith
Seen and banged.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47163
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Oscar
Hmph.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47164
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Meredith
Ok, I met him in a bar, right? There's something weird about him. He doesn't smell right, the clothes are all tattered and dirty and from another age. Anyways, we end up back and my place and we go at it all night-
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47165
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Oscar
Meredith, don't.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47166
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Robert
No, no. I'm very comfortable with all things sexual. Continue.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47167
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Meredith
I wake up the next morning, all my stuff's gone. Whole house turned over. No trace. You tell me what happened.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47168
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Robert
Have you considered the possibility that you slept with a drifter?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47169
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Meredith
He didn't smell like a drifter.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47170
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Bert
What are you anyway?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47171
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Dwight
I'm a Jamaican zombie woman. Leave me alone, ghoul.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47172
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Bert
I'm a zombie from Walking Dead. It's a show.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47173
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Dwight
Uh, I know what it is. Ok? I have like a thousand people over every week to watch it. Ok? We all kinda hate it though.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47174
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Bert
Who's your favorite character?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47175
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Dwight
The city of Atlanta.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47176
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Stanley
If ghosts are real, how come everyone knows what they look like? It's not like a bunch of people got together and agreed on a lie.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47177
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47178
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Oscar
Interesting. Every culture holds this true. Clearly, there's some sort of real phenomenon out there...
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47179
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Jim
Oscar, how are you on that side?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47180
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Pam
This isn't about sides. This is about me seeing a blueish gray old man in the mirror and then he vanishes.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47181
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Creed
Pam, this is important. Was he me? Am I him?
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47182
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Pam
No, Creed.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47183
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Jim
But that would make more sense.
Season 8 · Episode 5 · Quote 47184