Darryl

I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46410

Andy

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46411

Darryl

I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys,hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46412

Andy

Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46413

Darryl

The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46414

Andy

You do have a fantastic basement.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46415

Darryl

I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46416

Andy

Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out.Hey! There ya go...there he is.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46417

Andy

That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46418

Jim

OK. Three hundred boxes of twenty pound white. That's seventy-five boxes per person, so that's not so bad.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46419

Dwight

Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46420

Jim

Nice. Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oh!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46421

Kevin

Damn!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46422

Dwight

Yup.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46423

Andy

Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl.What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46424

Darryl

You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46425

Female Applicant

Your old crew won the lottery?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46426

Andy

Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46427

Male Applicant 1

Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46428

Darryl

Oh yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46429

Andy

Well-

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46430

Darryl

One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Heday is investing in an energy drink for Asian homosexuals.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46431

Andy

Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46432

Darryl

I don't

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46433

Andy

You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so...

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46434

Darryl

Nope. I'm good. I'm here. Let's find some warehouse workers.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46435

Andy

Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46436

Darryl

OK.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46437

Andy

We need you, OK?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46438

Darryl

OK.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46439

Andy

OK?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46440

Darryl

Yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46441

Andy

Alright.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46442

Dwight

What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46443

Erin

I didn't feel anything.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46444

Andy

Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46445

Darryl

Why do you wanna work here?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46446

Male Applicant 1

I need a job.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46447

Darryl

That's not a good reason.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46448

Andy

Good. Keepin' 'em honest.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46449

Darryl

Don't just take the first job that comes your way. Cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46450

Andy

Are we scaring them straight....?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46451

Darryl

I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46452

Darryl

I've never been lucky. And I'm not talkin' about the lottery, I'm talkin' 'bout stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46453

Ryan

Nice. Right back where I like you. Can you make ten copies of this for me?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46454

Pam

No.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46455

Ryan

Why not? What are you doing?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46456

Pam

Uh, buying lottery tickets online.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46457

Ryan

Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46458

Pam

You came in at 10:30 today, right?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46459

Ryan

OK, (we'll just dismiss it.)??????

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46460

Andy

Is everyone licensed?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46461

Male Applicant 2

Like a driver's license?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46462

Andy

No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46463

Female Applicant

Is this a joke?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46464

Andy

No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46465

Kevin

OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46466

Jim

There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46467

Dwight

Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46468

Jim

Yeah Not that they're not smart people.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46469

Dwight

No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46470

Jim

I'd go with that.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46471

Dwight

Like baboons or elephants.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46472

Jim

Not that, don't...

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46473

Kevin

Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46474

Jim

It's a great idea Kev, I don't think it applies here though, so maybe we just-

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46475

Kevin

Yeah we move stuff and it was fun.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46476

Dwight

Kevin! Doesn't apply.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46477

Kevin

Right. My mom-

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46478

Erin

You need to drop it, OK? They hate it. I like it a lot but they hate it so drop it!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46479

Andy

Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um...

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46480

Male Applicant 1

How much longer is this gonna take?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46481

Darryl

Did you hire 'em?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46482

Andy

No. Because they all left.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46483

Darryl

What do you mean 'they left'?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46484

Andy

I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46485

Darryl

Then I think you should fire me.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46486

Andy

What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46487

Darryl

Yeah. Just put me out of my misery.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46488

Andy

'..OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46489

Darryl

No? OK. I don't wanna be here anymore. Fire me.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46490

Andy

So Darryl says to me 'fire me'. But what he really means is 'I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means.' So I say 'No, you're not fired.' But what I really mean is 'I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better.'........I really hope that's what he and I mean.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46491

Andy

Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46492

Oscar

Bulk or definition?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46493

Andy

Definition.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46494

Oscar

Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46495

Andy

Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46496

Oscar

Oh, he's plenty strong.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46497

Oscar

It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46498

Pam

So. I've been thinking, after we win the lottery, we take our winnings....

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46499

Jim

Our fake winnings

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46500

Pam

And we move to the south of France. See? No, there's plenty of bicycling for you. I think that's where they do the Tour de France.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46501

Jim

It is, yeah. I mean I just don't know why I'm compromising if it's my fantasy. Cause in my fantasy it's Maine and you love it.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46502

Pam

Because I'm never gonna act like that, even in your fantasy.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46503

Jim

Nope. You're, you're doing a great job of it in my fantasy right now.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46504

Dwight

Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46505

Jim

A...hot chocolate tea

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46506

Andy

Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46507

Gideon

North America...and, diminishing is a little reductive, but uh sure. That's the headline version.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46508

Andy

Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46509

"Lotto" Quotes (page 2)