Every line from The Office season 8, episode 24, in script order. First aired May 10, 2012.
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Oscar
Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52504
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Phyllis
What's he doing?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52505
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Dwight
He's searching out younger gays.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52506
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Phyllis
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52507
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Oscar
No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52508
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Dwight
...with you.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52509
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Oscar
No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52510
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Kelly
Just keep chatting. I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52511
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Oscar
Do you not own a mirror?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52512
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Kelly
Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52513
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Pam
I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52514
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Kelly
I'm throwing out all my mirrors.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52515
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Oscar
Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52516
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Robert
No, I'm sorry, I just can't sit idly by and have the gay youth of America misled by some reductionist-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52517
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Oscar
It's not misleading.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52518
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Robert
-pep talk. Sexuality is a spectrum. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as 'normal.' It gets better but it also gets vastly more complicated.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52519
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Kevin
Hey, Robert, that guy, he looks just like you. Ooh!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52520
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Robert
Ow! Damn it, Kevin! God!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52521
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Dwight
You okay, Robert?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52522
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Robert
Fine.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52523
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Dwight
Put some ice on it.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52524
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Oscar
In any case, it gets better. Maybe- maybe not much better... but better.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52525
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Sasha
One, two, three!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52526
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Dwight
I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, 'muffin basket.' Then I thought, 'What's even more precious to people than muffins?'
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52527
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Jake
Can you just smile, please?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52528
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Meredith
I don't want to!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52529
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Dwight
...their own children.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52530
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Dwight
Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52531
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Angela
No thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52532
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Dwight
Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52533
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Jim
I know why you're doing this, Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52534
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Jim
Last week, I may have gone too far. I'll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away Velcro. And... you can fill in the rest.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52535
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Dwight
Wha-? Damn it, Jim!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52536
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Jim
Now he's trying to get me to bring my children in to work. I think it's fair to be cautious.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52537
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Darryl
Let me get this straight. You lost all of it. All your winnings. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52538
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Hide
Bad economy. Bad investment.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52539
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Darryl
You mean to tell me no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52540
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Calvin
They did not.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52541
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Darryl
And you got half a million of these? Well I gotta try it.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52542
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Calvin
I wouldn't.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52543
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Darryl
Aw, come on. What's the harm? Mmm. What flavor was that?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52544
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Hide
Coconut penis.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52545
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Darryl
The coconut's pretty subtle.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52546
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Calvin
Come on, man. Can't you just give us a yes or a no?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52547
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Darryl
I don't know, man. Y'all quit with a lot of confidence. I mean, it was like, y'all came up in here dancing and everybody was- ooh, hold on a second. Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52548
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Darryl
If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon. Then I would date the hell out of me. I wouldn't give in to me too fast, let me buy myself some nice dinners and such. But when I finally did give in, I would go crazy on myself.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52549
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Andy
Hi guys.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52550
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Jim
How's it going, man?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52551
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Andy
I'm- I'm good, thank you. And how are you?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52552
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Jim
Great, yeah, good.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52553
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Gabe
Oh, how the mediocre have fallen.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52554
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Nellie
Oh God.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52555
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Andy
Look, I'm not here to get my old job back. I had my opportunity, I blew it, I'm moving on. I just wanted to come in here and literally beg you for something, anything. I will sweep the floors, water the plants...
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52556
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Nellie
No, you don't understand-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52557
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Andy
Clean the toilets.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52558
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Nellie
I don't need anyone to-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52559
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Andy
Pull the poop out of the toilets.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52560
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Nellie
That's not even a thing.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52561
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Andy
Just, please...
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52562
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Nellie
Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52563
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Andy
Please!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52564
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Nellie
Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52565
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Andy
Give me something!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52566
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Nellie
Why don't you clean the carpets for today?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52567
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52568
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Nellie
You're welcome. Up you get then. Pick yourself up. There it is.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52569
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52570
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Nellie
You don't need to-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52571
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Andy
I have a delicious secret.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52572
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Creed
Good, good. This carpet's overdue for a good mopping.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52573
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Jim
Is a mop the most efficient tool to use on a carpet?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52574
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Andy
Yeah, it is actually.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52575
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Andy
Mmm, I can't hold it in any longer. Um, I am faking this, okay? Because I convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre. And at three o'clock today he's gonna walk in here and reinstate me as manager.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52576
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Pam
Family picture!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52577
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Jim
Pam? No!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52578
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Pam
What? Honey, we talked about this.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52579
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Jim
No, we talked about not bringing them in to Dwight's photo studio slash trap.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52580
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Pam
Yes, and then we decided that was crazy.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52581
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Jim
No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52582
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Pam
No, we settled in a much more rational place, remember?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52583
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Jim
Nope.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52584
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Pam
We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52585
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Jim
But are you a hundred percent sure? I don't think any of us are.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52586
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Pam
No, no.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52587
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Jim
Nope.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52588
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Pam
But it's free. And we'll keep our eye on them.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52589
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Jim
That's-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52590
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Pam
Yes!
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52591
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Jim
That's-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52592
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Pam
And we'll make sure Dwight doesn't do anything C-R-A-Z-Y.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52593
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Jim
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52594
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Kevin
Wait, C-R-A-Z...
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52595
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Dwight
Great, right up there.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52596
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Pam
Yeah?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52597
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Jim
Yeah. You just sit right here. Here we go.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52598
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Pam
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52599
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Jim
Alright. Why don't you just-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52600
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Pam
Oh, great. Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52601
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Jim
-give him to me and... perfect.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52602
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Pam
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Line 52603