Every line from The Office season 8, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 12, 2012.
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Pam
No, that's a great idea. Let's have a code name. How about Mondays? I hate Mondays? Mondays are the worst?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51578
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Angela
Nobody's named Monday.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51579
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Ryan
Hey, how about we go with Pam? Simple, easy to remember.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51580
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Pam
Cause there's someone already here named Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51581
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Kevin
Shh, here she comes!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51582
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All
Hey!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51583
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Phyllis
Welcome to your party.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51584
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Creed
Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51585
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Creed
Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, 'Have you heard my originals? They're terrible.' They said, 'Even better.' I said, 'I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie.'
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51586
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Erin
Maybe we should just go.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51587
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Andy
No. I gotta do this. Hey Jessica, could I talk to you?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51588
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Jessica
Uh, yeah, sure. What's up?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51589
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Andy
Uh, maybe we could talk in private?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51590
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Jessica
Uh, yeah. What is it?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51591
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Andy
Well, first just let me say that I hope when I'm done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51592
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Jessica
You're breaking up with me?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51593
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Andy
Uh, no. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51594
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Jessica
Oh my God. Are you leaving me for Erin? You said she wasn't relationship material and she wasn't as good as me, but it's her, isn't it?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51595
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Andy
Whoa! That? No. Okay. You want honesty? Super-honesty time. I'm gay.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51596
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Jessica
What?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51597
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Andy
I am gay, and I prefer men.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51598
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Kenny
I knew it!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51599
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Andy
You did not, Kenny!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51600
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Kenny
You invited me to go shopping with you.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51601
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Andy
I like hanging out with you. You're a cool guy. Which proves my point. That I'm gay.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51602
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Jessica
Andy, you're not gay. I mean, we were... together. And you seemed pretty excitable.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51603
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Andy
Well, I was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51604
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Jessica
I can't say it doesn't make sense...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51605
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Andy
Well... I mean, I was good at hiding it, but-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51606
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Jessica
Look, it's fine, Andy. I didn't think we were gonna get married or anything. I just... I'm just upset for now.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51607
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Andy
Understandable. And I'm really sorry. I really am. So... we should probably... go.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51608
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Robert
This humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51609
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Oscar
To Nellie Bertram, you are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51610
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Robert
Cheers.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51611
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Nellie
Why thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51612
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Oscar
Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entitled, unfriendly presence in our company.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51613
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All
Cheers.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51614
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Angela
Nellie is terrific, but to be honest, every day I imagine how happy I'd be if Pam died.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51615
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Jim
Oh. Well. I feel that as someone who knows Pam only a little bit... enough. A good amount. Not the most, though. I would say that she is misunderstood and that maybe there's some stuff in her past that you guys don't know about that's a little messed up and probably makes her such a torture to work with.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51616
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Creed
We hate Pam. We hate Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51617
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All
We hate Pam! We hate Pam!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51618
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Magician
So we've established-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51619
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Jim
No. No.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51620
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Magician
-that you guys hate Pam. Do you ever wish she would just... disappear?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51621
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Pam
Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51622
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Erin
That was a really rough scene.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51623
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Andy
Right? Rough scene.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51624
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Erin
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51625
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Andy
Oh... at least we can kiss now.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51626
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Erin
Oh, yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51627
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Andy
You know, that stuff that I said about you to her... I did- That's just- I had to say it. You know, I was dating her at the time.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51628
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Erin
Yeah. Yes, of course. Ah... I feel really tired.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51629
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51630
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Erin
Probably from seeing that turkey.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51631
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Andy
Oh yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51632
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Erin
When we drove by the farm. Oh. Always does it.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51633
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Magician
Are you Nellie? Oh, I think you're my volunteer. Come on over here, huh?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51634
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Jim
Oh, I'll do it. I will volunteer.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51635
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Robert
no, Nellie, she-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51636
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Jim
I'll do it.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51637
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Magician
Oh! Big guy, huh? How's the air up there? Watch out for... birds. All right, let's uh- let's do some card magic. Now, what I want you to do is... I want you to pick a card just by looking at it. Do not say what it is.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51638
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Jim
It's the four of hearts.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51639
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Robert
Oh, no, you-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51640
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Magician
Looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh? No hablo el cardo, senor? Hmm? Ha. All right, the card is picked. Now sir, will you please shuffled the deck? You didn't just do that on purpose, did ya?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51641
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Robert
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51642
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Magician
Little known fact about me. Before I was a magician, I used to work at a rope factory.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51643
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Jim
Not true. 'Cause that's not a real place.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51644
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Magician
But I never could seem to figure out those knots.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51645
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Pam
That's not a real knot. When you pull on it, it disappears.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51646
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Magician
What the hell? All right, where's Phyllis? Who's Phyllis? Look. This is really uncool, okay? I put on a clean show here-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51647
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Dwight
Okay scram, wizard.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51648
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Magician
What?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51649
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Dwight
You heard me!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51650
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Magician
Huh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51651
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Robert
Well Nellie, I'm sorry. If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51652
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Nellie
Well, I thought it was quite fun. In fact, I think they're brilliant employees, in their own way. Don't you see what I see?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51653
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Robert
Interesting. Yes. No, yes, I see that. Great work, team. Great party.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51654
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Kevin
You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert. How do I get this taste out of my mouth?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51655
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Erin
What? Why are we-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51656
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Andy
I just gotta do one thing.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51657
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Megan
Oh. Hello. Hey everybody, look who's here.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51658
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Jessica
What are you doing here?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51659
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Andy
Hi. Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay. In fact, I'm so not gay, I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Erin Hannon and she's right there. She's sweet, funny and beautiful and total relationship material.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51660
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Megan
Why the hell did you come back here?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51661
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Jessica
Go away.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51662
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Kenny
Get lost!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51663
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Woman
Get out!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51664
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Andy
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51665
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Lauren
You're done!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51666
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Andy
Bye guys.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51667
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Lauren
Get out! You ruined my party! Who does that? Are you kidding me? Yeah, run away!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51668
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Kenny
You're disgusting!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51669
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Lauren
I can't believe you're not gay!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51670
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Kenny
Yeah get out of here.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51671
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Various
Don't come back.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51672
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Erin
Uh-oh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51673
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Various
You don't even know how to drive! Bye Andy! Loser! Nice car!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51674
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Pam
Hey Hank.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51675
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Hank Doyle
Yes ma'am.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51676
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Pam
I thought I was very specific about you not letting up a magician.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51677