Every line from The Office season 8, episode 20, in script order. First aired April 12, 2012.
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Jim
Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51478
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Dwight
Haulin' cube!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51479
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Jim
That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51480
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Pam
So we're planning this party for Nellie, and we're gonna make it really bad.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51481
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Jim
Sounds like every other party.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51482
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Pam
No. We're gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passive-aggressive card.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51483
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Jim
Oh! Hire a magician.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51484
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Pam
What?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51485
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Jim
Trust me.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51486
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Pam
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51487
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Andy
Wow. There's a lot of cars here. This is just weird.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51488
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Lauren
Andy! Hey, what are you doing here?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51489
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Andy
Hey, Lauren. Look at you.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51490
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Lauren
Well, I know. Look at me.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51491
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Andy
I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought I'd stop and say hi to Jessica.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51492
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Lauren
Aww!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51493
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Andy
Why is Erin with me? That's a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51494
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Lauren
Oh. God.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51495
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Erin
So, I'm Erin. Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51496
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Andy
Yep. This is Erin.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51497
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Lauren
Nice to meet you. Well, Jess went out for a run but she'll be back soon. Hey ladies, Andy's here!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51498
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Erin
Okay Andy, that is a bachelorette party, this is Jessica's friends and they've been drinking during the daytime. Should we go?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51499
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Andy
Yeah. Uh, you know, we had such a quick window to make this work, I think we should probably just-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51500
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Lauren
Oh, Jess! Look who stopped by after his business trip!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51501
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Jessica
Andy! Hey!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51502
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Dwight
I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51503
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Jim
Yes, you should.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51504
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Dwight
Ooh.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51505
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Jim
'Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie.'
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51506
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Dwight
I have to see these shoes.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51507
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Jim
I doubt that they're sh-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51508
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Dwight
Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51509
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Jim
Whoa. Who is this guy?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51510
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Dwight
Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51511
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Jim
Boyfriend.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51512
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Dwight
Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51513
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Jim
Like a boyfriend?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51514
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Dwight
You read my mind.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51515
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Jim
Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51516
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Dwight
Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51517
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Jim
Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51518
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Nellie
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51519
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Jim
Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51520
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Nellie
I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51521
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Dwight
Why not call...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51522
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Jim
Shh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51523
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Nellie
God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51524
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Dwight
That's awful. What kind of restaurant.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51525
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Jim
Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51526
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Nellie
I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51527
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Jim
I'm so sorry. These must be very painful memories.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51528
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Dwight
If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candlestick.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51529
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Nellie
Thank you. No. Look, Jim, Dwight, please, don't tell anyone about this.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51530
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Jim
No, no. Of course. Just one quick question. Was this um, Halloween, or...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51531
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Nellie
God, no. That's the most embarrassing thing of all this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by bloody stage magician?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51532
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Jim
You know what, Pam? I was thinking maybe we should change course here. Let's give up on all this mean stuff.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51533
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Pam
What? No! No, I just had this brilliant idea- everyone loved it. You don't have a copyright on pranks. I might be better at this than you.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51534
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Jim
No, that's not what I-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51535
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Nellie
Jim, could you give us a hand?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51536
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Jim
Absolutely. Yeah. Call it off, Pam. Call it off, okay? It's way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51537
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Pam
Oh, okay. Okay, I will.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51538
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Angela
Pam, we have a great idea.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51539
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Oscar
Listen to this.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51540
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Angela
We're going to have the fluorescent lights flickering. It's gonna make everyone sick.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51541
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Pam
Or what if...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51542
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Angela
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51543
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Pam
We discuss... the idea of doing the party totally normal. Like, not mean. Just a regular party. Not mean.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51544
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Angela
I knew she'd crack! I wanted to leave you out, you know.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51545
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Oscar
We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51546
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Pam
What are you talking about? Yes we can.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51547
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Oscar
What I mean to say is we don't want to.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51548
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Phyllis
Toots, we're not stopping this train, so get off the tracks.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51549
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Lauren
Suck it!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51550
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Erin
Andy-
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51551
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Andy
It'll be fine. Just act natural. Do you want a gummy penis?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51552
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Erin
No, uh, I'll just have some gummy bears.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51553
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Andy
These are delicious.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51554
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Erin
But... they're penises.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51555
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Lauren
And we come to Matthew. The guy who was with his old girlfriend basically the whole time we were together.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51556
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Andy
Ew! Aww! That seems gross at first blush, right? But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we don't know Matthew's history with this other woman. Maybe she saved his life. I don't know. I just- I don't think we should rush to judgment about Matthew. Maybe we don't pop that one.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51557
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Party guests
No, pop it. Pop it!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51558
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Jessica
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51559
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Andy
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51560
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Jessica
Sorry. It's kind of a madhouse.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51561
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Megan
Ahh!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51562
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Andy
Oh! Ah, Megan.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51563
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Megan
You are one of the good ones, nard dog.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51564
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Andy
Aww.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51565
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Megan
No, really. Where's my Andy?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51566
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Jessica
I dunno.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51567
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Andy
Oh, he's out there.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51568
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Megan
Aww. Are you going to sing for us?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51569
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Andy
Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51570
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Megan
That's not like you. That's not like you. Come on, sing! Sing!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51571
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Andy
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51572
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Pam
Okay, they're almost here- What? Come on. If you guys are gonna be mean, could you at least be subtle?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51573
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Darryl
Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis the Menace. Ryan was douche bag.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51574
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Ryan
Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51575
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Oscar
Plus everyone would know who you meant.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51576
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Ryan
Yeah!
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Line 51577