Every line from The Office season 8, episode 19, in script order. First aired March 15, 2012.
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Irene
So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51217
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Andy
Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51218
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Erin
So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51219
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Irene
I think you should leave, young man.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51220
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Andy
All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51221
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Erin
You didn't even stop to pee? Gross.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51222
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Jim
Any luck?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51223
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Pam
No. He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51224
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Andy
Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na-
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51225
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Erin
Oh, you're doing so good. Oh my God, you're superman over there.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51226
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Irene
You should take it. It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51227
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Andy
Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51228
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Irene
You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51229
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Andy
I don't know. Just let it vibrate. It's fine.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51230
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Irene
You could put it on silent.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51231
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Andy
I don't think it does that.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51232
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Irene
Just go to preferences, then click '
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51233
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Glenn
Proctology.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51234
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Jim
Andy?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51235
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Andy
Jim?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51236
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Jim
Andy, where are you?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51237
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Andy
I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51238
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Irene
He's here in Tallahassee, trying to turn my life upside down.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51239
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Jim
What? You're in Florida? Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51240
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Andy
What do you mean, take my job?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51241
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Jim
Like, set up camp in your office and is calling herself the manager.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51242
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Andy
Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51243
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Jim
Guys, we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? If we go into them, you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager, and trust me, you do not want her as your manager.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51244
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Angela
Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51245
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Pam
I like working here.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51246
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Jim
Dwight, should she be our manager?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51247
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Dwight
I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51248
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Dwight
Those who can't farm, farm celery.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51249
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Jim
And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51250
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Nellie
All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51251
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Phyllis
Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable being evaluated by someone I don't know.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51252
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Nellie
Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51253
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Dwight
I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51254
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Nellie
Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51255
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Dwight
What?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51256
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Nellie
Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51257
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Dwight
There's no limit to what I think I deserve.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51258
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Nellie
Then you accept it?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51259
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Dwight
Five percent. No less.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51260
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Nellie
Absolutely not. Seven percent.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51261
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Dwight
Six percent, I know my worth.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51262
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Jim
The raise isn't real.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51263
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Dwight
Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51264
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Nellie
So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51265
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Pam
Phyllis.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51266
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Phyllis
Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51267
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Nellie
So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51268
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Phyllis
Really?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51269
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Nellie
Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51270
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Jim
Um... are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51271
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Robert
I am not. Huh.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51272
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Jim
Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51273
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Robert
Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51274
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Jim
Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not-- sorry.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51275
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Robert
Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51276
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Jim
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51277
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Robert
Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51278
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Jim
Oh, god, nature, please.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51279
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Robert
When two animals are having sex, one of them...
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51280
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Jim
[exhales sharply]
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51281
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Robert
' is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51282
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Jim
Was that not the--
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51283
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Robert
All life is sex. And all sex is competition.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51284
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Jim
Mm-hm.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51285
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Robert
And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51286
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Jim
Was that it? No, that wasn't bad.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51287
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Robert
My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51288
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Jim
No. I would've said no.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51289
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Nellie
Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51290
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Kelly
Oh, great.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51291
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Jim
I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, what are we saying? That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? Shouldn't work like that.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51292
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Dwight
No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51293
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Darryl
No.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51294
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51295
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Darryl
No.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51296
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51297
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Darryl
No.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51298
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51299
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Darryl
No.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51300
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51301
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Darryl
No.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51302
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Dwight
Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51303
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Dwight
Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51304
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Dwight
Well fought. I accept the outcome.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51305
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Creed
Touch me and I'll sue.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51306
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Erin
I've heard that's amazing when it works.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51307
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Andy
Yeah, if I had my own--
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51308
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Erin
Andy, I care about you and I think--
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51309
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Andy
--sorry, you go.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51310
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Erin
No, go ahead.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51311
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Andy
Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51312
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Erin
Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else?
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51313
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Andy
You broke my heart too.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51314
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Erin
You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51315
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Andy
I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51316