Andy

Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50853

Everyone

What?! Why is that?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50854

Andy

He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50855

Angela

So, he's alive.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50856

Andy

Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50857

Angela

Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50858

Andy

How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50859

Phyllis

If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50860

Oscar

You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50861

Oscar

When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50862

Andy

I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50863

Oscar

I am dying to know what's in there.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50864

Andy

Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50865

Creed

Hi, hello.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50866

Andy

Now, carefully... open the box.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50867

Creed

It's a photo of all of us.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50868

Pam

Aw, that's so sweet!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50869

Dwight

A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50870

Dwight

Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50871

Nellie

Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50872

Robert California

I am loving the chemistry between you two.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50873

Nellie

I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50874

Robert California

I bet. I'm excited.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50875

Nellie

Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50876

Dwight

Ah!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50877

Nellie

I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50878

Dwight

You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50879

Jim

Oh, that reminds me. Little something from all of us.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50880

Dwight

Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. Four! Oh yeah!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50881

Nellie

He doesn't even care.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50882

Dwight

Don't even care!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50883

Jim

This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50884

Darryl

Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50885

Andy

Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50886

Darryl

I'll put you down for shortbreads.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50887

Andy

Damn it.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50888

Toby

Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50889

Darryl

No. No.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50890

Toby

What?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50891

Darryl

I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50892

Toby

You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? Or chess club, or?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50893

Darryl

You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50894

Toby

That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50895

Darryl

OK, great.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50896

Darryl

All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50897

Erin

Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50898

Elderly Woman

Oh, here let me help.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50899

Erin

I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50900

Erin

Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50901

Irene

When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50902

Erin

Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50903

Irene

Thank you. Oh, what kind of tea is this?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50904

Erin

Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50905

Nellie

Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50906

Robert California

If I may, try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50907

Nellie

Oh.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50908

Robert California

That's right. Your little finger.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50909

Darryl

Would you like to buy some cookies?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50910

Kevin

Cookies, eh?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50911

Kevin

Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50912

Darryl

It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50913

Kevin

I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50914

Toby

Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50915

Darryl

You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50916

Toby

No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50917

Kevin

I do.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50918

Toby

See?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50919

Darryl

That doesn't mean anything. Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50920

Kevin

Oh, I definitely do.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50921

Darryl

Huh. Hit the road, jack.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50922

Toby

No, you hit the road, jack.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50923

Kevin

Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50924

Toby

You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50925

Kevin

No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50926

Angela

Ugh.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50927

Kevin

Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50928

Nellie

Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50929

Jim

All right. So... I guess this is it.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50930

Dwight

Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But...bye, bye. I win.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50931

Jim

Goodbye, Dwight.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50932

Dwight

Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50933

Jim

Well, he's Florida's problem now.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50934

Robert California

I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50935

Jim

What's that?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50936

Robert California

I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50937

Jim

I thought you liked the store?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50938

Robert California

Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50939

Jim

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50940

Robert California

But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50941

Jim

Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50942

Robert California

I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50943

Dwight

Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it!

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50944

Robert California

Bravo, Dwight! Very good! Shame.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50945

Dwight

The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre to the power of two.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50946

Nellie

How did that look?

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50947

Gabe

I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50948

Dwight

I told you.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50949

Todd Packer

When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50950

Dwight

You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50951

Jim

All right. There he is.

Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50952

"Last Day in Florida" Quotes