Every line from The Office season 8, episode 12, in script order. First aired January 19, 2012.
-
Dwight
Oh, ugh. What is this, a meatball? Really?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49032
-
Jim
It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49033
-
Dwight
Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the-
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49034
-
Stanley
You've been meatballed!
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49035
-
Dwight
Ugh.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49036
-
Stanley
Are you ready for some meatball?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49037
-
Dwight
Aw, man. This is not very clever, Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49038
-
Jim
I know.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49039
-
Stanley
Look for your stapler!
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49040
-
Dwight
Really Jim? Really? Very funny.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49041
-
Stanley
Oh okay. Good night. What's the haul?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49042
-
Dwight
Thirty-two meatballs.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49043
-
Stanley
Good day.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49044
-
Dwight
That idiot's been feeding us for a week.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49045
-
Stanley
We'll never have to buy meatballs again.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49046
-
Erin
Dunder Mifflin. Jessica, hi! How are you? Oh yay, that's so great to hear.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49047
-
Erin
I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I've learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49048
-
Erin
I will patch you through right now. You sound really pretty today. Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49049
-
Andy
Jessica! I love you! That's a message from my mom.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49050
-
Andy
My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early! I get it. I just, you know, I'm just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven't proposed to anyone in years... Mom took the main diamond out, she thought that had more of a my little brother kind of vibe to it, but...
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49051
-
Jim
Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49052
-
Oscar
Oh, who needs a house that size?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49053
-
Dwight
Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49054
-
Robert
I'm selling the house, actually.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49055
-
Jim
You know, there's a glare from over here... oh wow, that's magnificent.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49056
-
Robert
It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue... this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49057
-
Jim
I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49058
-
Robert
What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49059
-
Jim
I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49060
-
Robert
Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49061
-
Andy
Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49062
-
Robert
A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49063
-
Andy
Well, please tell Susan we all say hi.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49064
-
Kevin
Dude, what if, since you're feeling grumpy, we all swing by tonight and check out your indoor pool?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49065
-
Oscar
Kevin, no.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49066
-
Robert
What, as some sort of last hoorah?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49067
-
Kevin
Yeah. All of us in the pool, saying hoorah. Maybe the last one that says hoorah is it.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49068
-
Robert
You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let's try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let's just call it a get-together. And let's say no food.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49069
-
Kevin
Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49070
-
Oscar
That was you, Kevin.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49071
-
Kevin
It was me.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49072
-
Meredith
You going tonight, kiddo? Cause I can give you a lift.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49073
-
Erin
Oh, I don't know, Meredith. It seems like you shouldn't drive maybe ever.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49074
-
Meredith
It's no problem. You live right near me.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49075
-
Erin
How do you know where I live?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49076
-
Meredith
Andy followed you home after the Christmas party.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49077
-
Erin
Why?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49078
-
Meredith
He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49079
-
Erin
Oh. Come on.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49080
-
Erin
Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend? I should get a restraining order.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49081
-
Angela
Oh, it is warm.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49082
-
Cathy
It's almost too warm.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49083
-
Gabe
I'm feeling eighty-two, eighty-two and a half.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49084
-
Ryan
Oh, so close. Eighty-one.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49085
-
Gabe
Well, we'll say its eight-two and it'll be our secret.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49086
-
Cathy
Hey, late guy.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49087
-
Jim
Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49088
-
Andy
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49089
-
Jim
DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49090
-
Jim
You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49091
-
Jim
Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49092
-
Robert
You should see the whole thing.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49093
-
Jim
I bet I should. That's beautiful, I'm going to email that to you.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49094
-
Robert
I'm just about to give the tour.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49095
-
Jim
All right-
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49096
-
Robert
Join us. You must see what you were laughing about.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49097
-
Jim
I must...
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49098
-
Jessica
Wow.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49099
-
Andy
Yeah, it's pretty serious poolage.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49100
-
Jessica
What are you doing?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49101
-
Andy
Hmm? Flicking a bug off my wiener.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49102
-
Jessica
Gross. I'm getting a drink. Do you want anything?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49103
-
Andy
No, I'm good.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49104
-
Erin
Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49105
-
Andy
Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49106
-
Erin
How is everything? How's your car?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49107
-
Andy
It's great. You know. Reliable. Great mileage.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49108
-
Erin
Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49109
-
Andy
Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. you know, a couple of dopes on the slopes.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49110
-
Erin
Oh, like a goodbye trip.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49111
-
Andy
No. What?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49112
-
Jessica
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49113
-
Erin
Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49114
-
Erin
I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive, and I believe him.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49115
-
Darryl
Val. You made it.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49116
-
Val
Yup, yup.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49117
-
Darryl
Uh oh, look at this. Red plastic cup, red plastic cup. How about that?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49118
-
Val
You know, you are just as dumb at night.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49119
-
Darryl
Mmm.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49120
-
Andy
All right, theres- this would be no problem. I could swim under, one breath.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49121
-
Jessica
No, show me.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49122
-
Andy
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49123
-
Jessica
Dive in right here.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49124
-
Andy
In a minute. In a minute.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49125
-
Jessica
Okay. You don't know what you're doing.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49126
-
Andy
A minute would be cool.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49127
-
Erin
Hey, Dwight Snoot.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49128
-
Dwight
What-
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49129
-
Erin
What you doing?
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49130
-
Dwight
I'm relaxing. Scram.
Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49131