Kevin

Oh yeah!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48763

All

Aw!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48764

Dwight

Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48765

Oscar

You really have to say 'oh yeah' every time you eat a candy bar?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48766

Kevin

I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. Oh yeah!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48767

Jim

All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48768

Andy

It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48769

Dwight

You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's going to drive me insane.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48770

Jim

Okay, done.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48771

Erin

Does anyone have a first aid kit?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48772

Darryl

Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight...

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48773

Jim

All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one-

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48774

Andy

Love letters, yes! I love it. What else can be done with paper?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48775

Jim

You can write a book about chairs.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48776

Andy

Books! Excellent, Jim.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48777

Oscar

Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper-

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48778

Andy

Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48779

Jim

Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48780

Andy

I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48781

Angela

Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48782

Andy

Yes!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48783

Andy

Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48784

Dwight

Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48785

Dwight

Dwight Schrute for Robert California!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48786

Receptionist

Oh, hello Mr. Schrute. I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48787

Dwight

I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48788

Receptionist

Ooh. I'm glad you're on our team. Here, please have a seat.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48789

Gabe

Dwight? What are you doing here?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48790

Dwight

Gabe? You don't know?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48791

Gabe

Course I know.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48792

Dwight

Hmm. Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel's office.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48793

Gabe

Corporate says to me, 'Gabe, we need you in Scranton.' Scranton says, 'Gabe, go back down to Florida. You're needed there.' So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48794

Robert

Dwight.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48795

Dwight

Robert.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48796

Robert

You made it.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48797

Dwight

Yes.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48798

Robert

Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48799

Dwight

Very good.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48800

Andy

Hey C-span. So my dad says an accountant can really help you out, if they're willing to 'play ball.' Those were his words.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48801

Oscar

Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter. Okay? Robert will understand. Eight hundred dollars is a rounding error!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48802

Andy

So make that error!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48803

Oscar

Andy, no-

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48804

Kevin

Hey! I can make that error.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48805

Oscar

Aw...

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48806

Andy

Well, it's just, I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing, but it's a little more complicated than that.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48807

Kevin

No, I-

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48808

Andy

It's just, I really need a real accountant on this. What do you say?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48809

Oscar

I'm leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48810

Andy

Oh.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48811

Oscar

Any other crunch time, I would love to stay in, cook the books for you so you can save face in front of your CEO, but tonight is Triviocalypse!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48812

Andy

What?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48813

Oscar

It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There's a thousand dollar prize. I'm committed to my friends, they're committed to me.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48814

Andy

You know what? Go. Have fun.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48815

Andy

There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48816

Jim

Stop right there. I love it.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48817

Darryl

I'm in.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48818

Andy

I didn't even say what it is.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48819

Darryl

It's trivia.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48820

Jim

In Philadelphia.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48821

Andy

But here's the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase...

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48822

Jim

That's a great idea.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48823

Darryl

That's a great plan.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48824

Andy

Yeah? You like it?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48825

Jim

Yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48826

Andy

All right.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48827

Jim

All right, good stuff.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48828

Andy

I'm so psyched you guys are into it because I thought- I was like, 'this sounds really stupid.'

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48829

Darryl

You just made a good idea, a great idea.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48830

Andy

There is one problem with this plan.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48831

Darryl

What?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48832

Andy

We'd have to leave work, like, right now, to do this.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48833

Gabe

You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we're going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48834

Dwight

Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48835

Gabe

Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What's the most important appliance in your house?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48836

Dwight

Meat grinder.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48837

Gabe

Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48838

Dwight

You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48839

Robert

Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48840

Dwight

But I can give you this pitch in one minute-

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48841

Robert

No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48842

Gabe

CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48843

Dwight

Still an important position. Still a chief.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48844

Gabe

You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him. Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48845

Robert

Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48846

Gabe

Your wish is my command.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48847

Robert

It's a command.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48848

Oscar

I don't believe this. What are you doing here, Andy?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48849

Andy

You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48850

Oscar

What? No!

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48851

Andy

I've got a quota to hit. I don't care how I hit it.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48852

Oscar

And you guys thought this was a good idea?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48853

Jim

I thought it was a fun idea.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48854

Darryl

There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to- this is a gay bar.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48855

Andy

Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48856

Oscar

Yes! It's a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48857

All

No. Nah.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48858

Oscar

What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you're going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar's trivia night?

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48859

Andy

It says that I believe that my staff's intelligence and that I'm willing to try anything. Not anything.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48860

Oscar

Good luck.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48861

Andy

Uh, all right. We need to divide up into teams, but it's winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves.

Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48862

"Trivia" Quotes