Oscar

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45716

Oscar

Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45717

Erin

Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't... And I don't... But I am so excited to be a part of it.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45718

Andy

After you my good sir.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45719

Dwight

No, I insist.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45720

Andy

I insist.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45721

Jim

The Search Committee finally decided, after a lot of deliberation, on Robert California... for the manager position. Who took one look around and left... He drove down to Florida and convinced Joe to make him CEO... CEO... her own job. He talked her out of her own job. And I don't really know how someone does that. But, anyway, then the position was his to fill. And he chose...

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45722

Andy

I' it's unbelievable. True, I may have been the second choice, but I was the first-choice's first choice. And, about Dwight, I sensed that he might have some resentment about not getting the job so I sat him down and we had a talk. And I told him, 'I need a really strong number two. I want you to be my enforcer.' Smart, right?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45723

Kelly

(planking on top of cabinet] Very smart.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45724

Andy

Uh, this has got to stop.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45725

Kelly

I can't get down.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45726

Dwight

K... Kevin!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45727

Dwight

Yeah, at first, I was really disappointed, but I've got a great daily routine going right now. I have upped my karate to eight times a week. I've added boxing - lunches and on weekends. I do kickboxing three times a week. Krav Maga four times a week. An hour of meditation every morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah, I'm doin' great.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45728

Dwight

K, I'm gonna need some help. Pam?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45729

Pam

I don't think I should.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45730

Jim

Oh, yeah. Pregnant.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45731

Pam

Right here. Little Michael Scott-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45732

Jim

No, I told you I don't like that joke. It is a boy. We found out early.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45733

Pam

Much different the second time around. And I have to say; it is nice not being the only pregnant woman in the office.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45734

Angela

Look, it's a 'Little Pregs' and 'Big Pregs'

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45735

Pam

Wait, when did we start calling it that-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45736

Angela

Isn't it amazing, the difference in our sizes?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45737

Pam

Well, I am a few months ahead of you.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45738

Angela

I am having a child with my husband, the Senator. And Pam is having a child with Jim... the great salesman.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45739

Dwight

Hoist him aloft. C'mon Darryl. Lift, lift Darryl.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45740

Darryl

I'm lifting.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45741

Darryl

Yeah, I wanted the manager job, but I got somethin' much better. This soda. This is mine.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45742

Stanley

It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45743

Stanley

I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin'. I go on with a long description and then I say, 'and shove it up your butt.' It's stupid, but it's my thing now.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45744

Jim

No one should be planking at all.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45745

Andy

Thank you, yes. Dwight, my enforcer, my number two, can you take care of this?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45746

Dwight

Say no more.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45747

Dwight

Kids, don't try planking. It's dangerous. 'Specially with me around.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45748

Jim

You watching that commercial again? Why do you keep watching it, if you know it's just gonna make you cry?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45749

Pam

Because everything makes me cry, so what's the difference? This dog, he just wants to protect his bone.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45750

Jim

He's got a bank vault. That's a start.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45751

Pam

Not enough though.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45752

Jim

The new CEO works out of the conference room about half the time. But whenever he takes a break, he does these weird walks around the office. And you never know who he's gonna zero in on for these really intense small-talks. You just hope it's not you. And yet, you hope it is you too. It's strange.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45753

Erin

Here we go.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45754

Robert

Hello.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45755

Erin

Robert California. Let's have a conversation.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45756

Robert

Describe your day so far.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45757

Erin

Well, I woke up. And I hit the snooze-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45758

Robert

And when you recount your day, never say you woke up. It's a waste of your time. That's how every day's begun, for everyone, since the dawn of man.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45759

Erin

Very smart, very smart. Suddenly, I was awake. And I've been doing this thing-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45760

Andy

Hey, Robert. We have that 9:30am casual chit-chat scheduled. I emailed you about it last night to confirm. And again this morning.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45761

Andy

First item on the agenda: can I get everyone an extra long Columbus Day weekend. Item number two, connect with the guy. Robert California, what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting, we lost our biggest client.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45762

Erin

Pam, pam. Psst. Pam.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45763

Pam

Jim.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45764

Jim

Can I call you right back? Thank you very much. Okay. What is this?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45765

Andy

The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45766

Robert

What are your thoughts.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45767

Andy

Just making chit-chat. Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45768

Dwight

What are you looking at?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45769

Jim

It's, it's nothing.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45770

Dwight

It can't be nothing.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45771

Phyllis

Yeah, it can't be nothing.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45772

Jim

It's just a list of our names, split into two columns.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45773

Stanley

What?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45774

Jim

Okay, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. Do you have a pen?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45775

Erin

No.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45776

Jim

No. Okay. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Dwight, can you throw me my phone?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45777

Dwight

Nice catch.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45778

Pam

If he comes out, distract him.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45779

Kevin

We need a warning signal.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45780

Jim

We don't need a warning signal, Kevin. We can see him right there-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45781

Kevin

We do.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45782

Jim

I promise you, we don't need a warning-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45783

Kevin

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45784

Phyllis

Ahhh!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45785

Dwight

Phyllis! Phyllis! You okay? You okay?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45786

Phyllis

Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45787

Dwight

' 2, 3!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45788

Phyllis

Thanks guys.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45789

Dwight

Okay, which side of the list am I on?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45790

Jim

Left.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45791

Dwight

Yes!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45792

Jim

Why are you- How do you know?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45793

Andy

Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much. Good work.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45794

Jim

Uh, no, actually. That was in Robert's notebook.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45795

Pam

He left it at reception and we photocopied it.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45796

Andy

Oh, okay. I don't want any part of this.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45797

Pam

Maybe it's a list of people he's gonna fire.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45798

Jim

Okay, it's not that Pam. You know, I was thinking it reminds me of those lists Dwight used to make.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45799

Dwight

This is if we were all on a cruise ship and had to divide into lifeboats. This is if we were on a cruise ship and had to divide into life rafts. Here's something. Who would eat who in an 'Alive' situation. No... that can't be it.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45800

Andy

I gotta say. Kinda seems like the left side's the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45801

Jim

I don't think it's-

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45802

Pam

'Scuse me?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45803

Dwight

Shhh, Pam. C'mon, don't be such a right-sider.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45804

Angela

Did you guys figure it out?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45805

Andy

We couldn't crack it.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45806

Stanley

Go in there and just ask the man what it means.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45807

Andy

He'll know that we looked at his private notebook.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45808

Phyllis

C'mon, just say you saw the list by accident.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45809

Andy

I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys and it's starting to stack up. Feels like a lot. One thing at a time.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45810

Phyllis

Yeah, that's all you had to do today was ask about Columbus Day?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45811

Robert

Yes, for god's sake Andy. Yes, come in.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45812

Andy

What's up? Weird thing. Totally awkward, but you left your notebook on the reception desk.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45813

Robert

Great. Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45814

Andy

And it was open. And people saw this. And they're just kinda going nuts and like wondering what it is.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45815

"The List" Quotes