Every quote from The Office season 7, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 7, 2010.
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Erin
Andy?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38922
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Jim
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38923
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Erin
Did you write this?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38924
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Andy
No.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38925
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Erin
Who did?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38926
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Andy
Steven Sondheim.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38927
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Erin
Who is he?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38928
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Angela
What the hell is happening?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38929
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Andy
We're the cast of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38930
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Michael
That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38931
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Andy
Like a month ago.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38932
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Michael
Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38933
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Andy
Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38934
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Erin
I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38935
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Andy
What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38936
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Andy
Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38937
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Erin
Oh, who else is going?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38938
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Andy
Everyone.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38939
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Erin
Gabe seemed to think no one was going.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38940
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Andy
What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38941
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Michael
Andy, what time's the show?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38942
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Andy
8pm sharp.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38943
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Michael
How long is it?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38944
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Andy
Hour forty-five.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38945
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Michael
Nope, can't make it.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38946
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Michael
They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38947
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Andy
Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38948
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Pam
Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38949
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Andy
Dwight?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38950
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Dwight
Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38951
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Andy
It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38952
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Michael
I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38953
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Andy
If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38954
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Michael
Wow.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38955
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Andy
This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38956
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Michael
I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38957
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Andy
Noishe!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38958
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Michael
And scene.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38959
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Angela
Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38960
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Dwight
Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38961
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Dwight
Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38962
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Dwight
Give me the punch card.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38963
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Angela
No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38964
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Dwight
That is not in the contract.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38965
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Angela
Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38966
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Dwight
Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38967
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Angela
Thank you.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38968
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Angela
Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38969
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Andy
Hey, how are those salads?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38970
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Jim
It's my own fault-
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38971
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Andy
My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could...
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38972
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Pam
We'll keep looking.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38973
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Andy
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38974
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Jim
Really?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38975
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Pam
I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38976
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Andy
Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38977
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38978
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Jim
For a lot of reasons.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38979
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Andy
Yeah, I know. Neiche!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38980
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Michael
Oh, hey guys.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38981
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Stanley
You brought balloons to a play?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38982
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Michael
I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38983
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Phyllis
It's nice, like Up.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38984
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Michael
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38985
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Usher
Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38986
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Michael
Nope.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38987
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Andy
Guys?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38988
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All
Hey! Andy!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38989
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Andy
You all made it, thank you so much.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38990
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Jim
You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38991
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Andy
She's babysitting?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38992
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Erin
I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38993
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Andy
I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38994
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Michael
This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38995
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Darryl
Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38996
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Michael
No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38997
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Darryl
No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38998
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Michael
Are you kidding me?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38999
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Darryl
Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39000
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Michael
All right, I'm sorry. God.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39001
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Usher
Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39002
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Kelly
Ooooh!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39003
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Dwight
I work with that guy.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39004
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Angela
Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39005
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Dwight
Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39006
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Angela
Oh, Dwight, just move.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39007
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Dwight
His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39008
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Kelly
What time is it?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39009
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Shelby
Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39010
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Michael
Hello.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39011
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Shelby
I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto...
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39012
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Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39013
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Shelby
We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39014
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Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39015
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Shelby
Yes?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39016
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Michael
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39017
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Shelby
Good.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39018
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Michael
Good.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39019
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Shelby
Enjoy the second act.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39020
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Michael
You enjoy the second act.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39021