Every line from The Office season 7, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 7, 2010.
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Erin
Andy?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38922
-
Jim
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38923
-
Erin
Did you write this?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38924
-
Andy
No.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38925
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Erin
Who did?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38926
-
Andy
Steven Sondheim.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38927
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Erin
Who is he?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38928
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Angela
What the hell is happening?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38929
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Andy
We're the cast of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38930
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Michael
That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38931
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Andy
Like a month ago.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38932
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Michael
Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38933
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Andy
Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38934
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Erin
I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38935
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Andy
What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38936
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Andy
Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38937
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Erin
Oh, who else is going?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38938
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Andy
Everyone.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38939
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Erin
Gabe seemed to think no one was going.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38940
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Andy
What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38941
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Michael
Andy, what time's the show?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38942
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Andy
8pm sharp.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38943
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Michael
How long is it?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38944
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Andy
Hour forty-five.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38945
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Michael
Nope, can't make it.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38946
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Michael
They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38947
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Andy
Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38948
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Pam
Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38949
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Andy
Dwight?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38950
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Dwight
Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38951
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Andy
It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38952
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Michael
I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38953
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Andy
If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38954
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Michael
Wow.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38955
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Andy
This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38956
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Michael
I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38957
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Andy
Noishe!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38958
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Michael
And scene.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38959
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Angela
Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38960
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Dwight
Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38961
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Dwight
Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38962
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Dwight
Give me the punch card.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38963
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Angela
No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38964
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Dwight
That is not in the contract.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38965
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Angela
Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38966
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Dwight
Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38967
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Angela
Thank you.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38968
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Angela
Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38969
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Andy
Hey, how are those salads?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38970
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Jim
It's my own fault-
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38971
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Andy
My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could...
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38972
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Pam
We'll keep looking.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38973
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Andy
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38974
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Jim
Really?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38975
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Pam
I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38976
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Andy
Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38977
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38978
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Jim
For a lot of reasons.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38979
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Andy
Yeah, I know. Neiche!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38980
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Michael
Oh, hey guys.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38981
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Stanley
You brought balloons to a play?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38982
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Michael
I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38983
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Phyllis
It's nice, like Up.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38984
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Michael
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38985
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Usher
Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38986
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Michael
Nope.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38987
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Andy
Guys?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38988
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All
Hey! Andy!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38989
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Andy
You all made it, thank you so much.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38990
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Jim
You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38991
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Andy
She's babysitting?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38992
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Erin
I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38993
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Andy
I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38994
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Michael
This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38995
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Darryl
Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38996
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Michael
No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38997
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Darryl
No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38998
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Michael
Are you kidding me?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38999
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Darryl
Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39000
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Michael
All right, I'm sorry. God.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39001
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Usher
Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39002
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Kelly
Ooooh!
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39003
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Dwight
I work with that guy.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39004
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Angela
Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39005
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Dwight
Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39006
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Angela
Oh, Dwight, just move.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39007
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Dwight
His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39008
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Kelly
What time is it?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39009
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Shelby
Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39010
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Michael
Hello.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39011
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Shelby
I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto...
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39012
-
Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39013
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Shelby
We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39014
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Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39015
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Shelby
Yes?
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39016
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Michael
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39017
-
Shelby
Good.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39018
-
Michael
Good.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39019
-
Shelby
Enjoy the second act.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39020
-
Michael
You enjoy the second act.
Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39021