"Counseling" Quotes (page 2)

Name: Counseling
Released: 2010-09-30

Every line from The Office season 7, episode 2, in script order. First aired September 30, 2010.

268 quotes · page 2 of 3

Window treatment guy

Is one of you the office administrator?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38754
Pam

I am. I am the office administrator!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38755
Window treatment guy

Can I show you a few samples?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38756
Pam

Oh, we're not interested. We're not interested at all.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38757
Pam

There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That's the main way. But this could work.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38758
Michael

Toby, can I really tell you anything?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38759
Toby

Of course.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38760
Michael

Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my penis... I mean peas. That was weird. Aaaah... weird. I think that was ... I was probed. By an alien life form. An A.L.F. Alf, you know, I might have actually been probed by Alf. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half. But there is a lower half.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38761
Oscar

Office Administrator. So when did this happen?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38762
Pam

A few months ago. I was talking to someone at corporate, who isn't there anymore, and I think the paperwork just got lost in the shuffle. Can you believe that?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38763
Oscar

Yeah, totally. Well, congrats!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38764
Pam

Thanks! Yeah, so I'm just going to take care of things around the office and get paid a reasonable salary. You believe that, right?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38765
Oscar

Totally, that's great.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38766
Pam

I get paid $40,000 per year.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38767
Oscar

Great.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38768
Pam

Maybe $50,000.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38769
Oscar

$50,000?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38770
Pam

No, not $50,000, $41,000, I think. $41,500.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38771
Oscar

That's great.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38772
Jim

Before me stands your coworker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight, show them all sides. Turn around. Now, today, we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38773
Andy

A gentleman who is a rich snob who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38774
Stanley

Is he still doing his boycott?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38775
Jim

No, this is instead of the boycott. Yeah?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38776
Kelly

You shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38777
Jim

Agreed.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38778
Dwight

Really?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38779
Oscar

Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38780
Dwight

Wait. Less matching to appear more rich?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38781
Ryan

The glasses are a little...

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38782
Pam

I liked them.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38783
Kelly

I thought they were kind of cute.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38784
Ryan

Yeah, I liked them too.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38785
Dwight

I can't see.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38786
Darryl

Say stuff like, 'Good morning, Good Afternoon'. People appreciate that.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38787
Dwight

Wait, I see you every day. Can I say 'Good month?'

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38788
Darryl

I'm telling you how to do this man.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38789
Andy

If someone offers you a cocktail, accept, but keep your wits about you.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38790
Angela

Please and thank you go a long way.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38791
Dwight

Copy. Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38792
Angela

Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38793
Dwight

Please.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38794
Andy

I think he's got it!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38795
Michael

And I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38796
Toby

Come on Michael. Those are all fake stories.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38797
Michael

Yes, Yes. They are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours. We're half way done.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38798
Toby

Oh.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38799
Pam

Hey, do you have a second?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38800
Gabe

Yeah.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38801
Pam

Well, as I am sure you know, for the past few months, I've been the Office Administrator. Since right before you guys took over.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38802
Gabe

Right, of course!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38803
Pam

And, I haven't gotten paid yet. I'm not blaming you.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38804
Gabe

Thank you so much.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38805
Pam

I just think somebody lost the paperwork.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38806
Gabe

Oh boy. Can you get every department head's signature on this so I can back this up to corporate?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38807
Pam

Yes. Absolutely. Right away.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38808
Toby

You know what Michael? You're right. You win. This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere. I got a bunch of fun stuff, in case my daughter ever comes over. Why don't we just run out the clock by playing games, drawing some pictures, talking?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38809
Andy

[fanfare]

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38810
Jim

We present to you for your comments and approval, Dwight K. Shrute.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38811
Phyllis

Go get 'em Dwight.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38812
Jim

Wish us luck!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38813
Dwight

Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38814
Erin

Dwight

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38815
Erin

Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important even that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But I don't care if I forget today.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38816
Toby

We can play something more complicated if you like.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38817
Michael

This is plenty complicated.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38818
Toby

So you have played it before?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38819
Michael

I've played it once or twice with Jeff.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38820
Toby

Who's Jeff?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38821
Michael

Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, who she married.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38822
Toby

So, her husband, your stepdad?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38823
Michael

Yeah, Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38824
Toby

Did you guys do much stuff together?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38825
Michael

Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn't able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38826
Toby

It's working. I'm doing it!

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38827
Angela

[coughs for attention]

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38828
Dwight

What?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38829
Angela

My place tonight. Wear this.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38830
Dwight

Do you have your card?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38831
Angela

Yes. Don't forget the pipe.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38832
Toby

Its really sad that your dog ran away. Why did it keep you from going to the park?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38833
Michael

I was afraid I would find him in the park, playing with another kid.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38834
Toby

Why?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38835
Michael

I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place. To find a kid he liked better.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38836
Toby

Dogs don't do that.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38837
Michael

Right. Why would a dog do that? That's silly.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38838
Toby

I don't know.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38839
Michael

When I hear myself say it, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never said it out loud, so...

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38840
Toby

It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38841
Michael

Well, lets not get too... This isn't a counseling session... Ok. Son of a gun. Son of a bitch. Wow! Ok.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38842
Toby

I'm just trying to help you Michael.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38843
Michael

You. Bitch. God! You're very helpful aren't you? You try to help everybody. Do you want to play another game?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38844
Toby

I just want to...

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38845
Michael

You are good. But you know what? You can't help people. You couldn't help your marriage. You lose. I don't need your help. Nobody needs your help. Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. I don't need your help! Am I going to make you cry?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38846
Toby

Just fill them out any way you want.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38847
Michael

Ok.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38848
Toby

I'll have Erin fax them back to corporate.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38849
Michael

You'll do. . . ok. Filled out. Good. Thank you doctor. Take two of these and call me in the morning.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38850
Pam

Hey Michael, um... about three months ago, I was talking to...

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38851
Pam

There are a lot of one person departments here, so, there's a lot of department heads. But I'm off to a good start. Oh, man! If I could pull this off, it will be scam of all scams. And yet very helpful to everyone.

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38852
Gabe

So, Corporate got your evaluations, and they want me to check, is that really how you feel about Michaels situation?

Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38853