Every quote from The Office season 7, episode 22, in script order. First aired May 5, 2011.
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Deangelo Vickers
So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright. I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride. Deal with it.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44700
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Darryl
Seriously?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44701
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Deangelo Vickers
Stone cold seriously.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44702
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Deangelo Vickers
They are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44703
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Deangelo Vickers
Change two, Toby, you're gettin' a new chair.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44704
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Toby
Thanks.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44705
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Deangelo Vickers
Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy! Okay? And I don't care if you like it.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44706
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Oscar
These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44707
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Deangelo Vickers
I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream. You either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44708
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Kevin
This all sounds great to me. But I could see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44709
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Deangelo Vickers
That is a s-- astute observation, Kevin.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44710
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Deangelo Vickers
Kev's got me pegged.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44711
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Deangelo Vickers
It blows away Vermont in the fall.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44712
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Darryl
Snap, for real?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44713
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Pam
Good morning, Deangelo.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44714
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Deangelo Vickers
Hold on.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44715
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Pam
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44716
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Deangelo Vickers
And if you're really serious, you should go in the spring.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44717
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Pam
Because of the flowers.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44718
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Deangelo Vickers
No. Because the entire state smells like Earth.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44719
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Pam
Dogwoods, or just the Earth.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44720
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes, Pam.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44721
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Pam
Hey, well, good morning. I think I have good news for you today. I found your new executive assistant. My friend Carla. She's got great experience. We even considered making her Cece's godmother, but she had this boyfriend at the time-- but here's her resume.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44722
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Deangelo Vickers
Put it with the rest.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44723
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Pam
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44724
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Deangelo Vickers
Hey dudes!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44725
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Jim
Hey!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44726
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Andy
Hey!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44727
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Pam
Oh my God, he hates me!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44728
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Jim
No he doesn't. You just get so nervous and hyper around him.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44729
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Pam
I know.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44730
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Jim
Every time there's a silence, your brain's like 'Heh-heh-huh-huh'.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44731
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Pam
Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44732
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Jim
Careful. There is no inner circle.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44733
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Andy
Oh, there's an inner circle. Oh yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44734
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Jim
There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44735
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Kevin
Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is IN the inner circle! Which doesn't exist.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44736
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Deangelo Vickers
There he is! Got ya coffee.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44737
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Dwight
Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44738
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Deangelo Vickers
Not a coffee guy, I take it.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44739
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Dwight
It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44740
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Deangelo Vickers
Listen. I've got a sixer. 'Automatic for the People' on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown. Come on! Pick up some sausage if you want.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44741
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Dwight
I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44742
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Deangelo Vickers
No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44743
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Deangelo Vickers
Who's the biggest client in the state? I say we go get 'em, whatever it takes. Huh? What do you guys say?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44744
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Kevin
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44745
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Deangelo Vickers
Right! Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44746
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Kevin
Yeah, I say we just go for it!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44747
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Deangelo Vickers
Is that ball lighter than usual? Is that a Chinatown knockoff?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44748
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Jim
That's Toys R Us, I think.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44749
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Deangelo Vickers
No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity's off. Feel that. What do you think?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44750
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Gabe
Oh, yeah, totally. Jim, you got ripped off big time.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44751
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Deangelo Vickers
Deangelo! See what I did there? That's what you need to do. It's that little English. The British are coming.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44752
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Kevin
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44753
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Deangelo Vickers
Deangelo's open!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44754
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Deangelo Vickers
Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44755
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Ryan
Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44756
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Deangelo Vickers
Keep it up.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44757
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Ryan
The problem with having 'It' or 'the X-factor' or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44758
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Kelly
What?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44759
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Ryan
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44760
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Kelly
Why should I pretend that you are my boss?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44761
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Ryan
Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly? I'll tell you what I would have done for you. I'd lie for you.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44762
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Kelly
Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44763
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Ryan
I'd die for you too.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44764
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Kelly
You really would?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44765
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Ryan
Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44766
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Kelly
Sure thing, Mr. Howard.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44767
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Deangelo Vickers
Woo. Glad he's not my boss.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44768
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Ryan
You're the best. Thank you.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44769
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Deangelo Vickers
You know I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44770
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Dwight
Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44771
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Deangelo Vickers
You know what... straight up, why don't you like me?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44772
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Dwight
I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44773
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Deangelo Vickers
Ohhhh no.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44774
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Dwight
What?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44775
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Deangelo Vickers
Okay? I'm gonna win you over.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44776
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Dwight
No you're not.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44777
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes I am.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44778
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44779
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Deangelo Vickers
Oh yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44780
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44781
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44782
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44783
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44784
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44785
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44786
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44787
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44788
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Dwight
No.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44789
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Deangelo Vickers
Yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44790
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Jim
Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled 'administrative' and 'assistant.'
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44791
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Darryl
The winner: under 'Special Skills,' Mr. Don Feiner put 'Juggling.'
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44792
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Deangelo Vickers
What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44793
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Jim
Seriously?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44794
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Deangelo Vickers
Oh yeah. I'd do it for you here, but uh, what would you say this room is, 300 square feet? 320?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44795
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Gabe
320. Just freeballin' it.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44796
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Deangelo Vickers
It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo?
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44797
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Kevin
Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44798
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Gabe
Give or take.
Season 7 · Episode 22 · Quote 44799