Every quote from The Office season 7, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 23, 2010.
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Luke
What the hell was that?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38614
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Michael
I had to do that.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38615
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Luke
Hey, this! Screw it!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38616
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Michael
All right. Are we good? You're okay. He's okay. There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38617
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Kevin
That was awesome!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38618
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Stanley
Texas justice.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38619
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Kelly
Yeah, your nephew is so lame.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38620
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Creed
He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38621
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Jim
You follow him on Twitter?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38622
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Creed
Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38623
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Gabe
Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38624
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Michael
Yes, of course. What is this in reference to?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38625
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Jim
Pam?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38626
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Pam
Oh, hey Jim. Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38627
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Jim
I did not do this.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38628
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Pam
I know. Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38629
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Jim
This is impressive.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38630
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Pam
Well, you know... they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38631
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Jim
Do they call you that?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38632
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Pam
They do call me that.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38633
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Jim
Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38634
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Pam
Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. Also, there's pee on the floor.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38635
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Jim
Oh! Of course there is. Hey, Chinese tonight?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38636
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38637
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Jim
Great.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38638
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Dwight
How ya doin'?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38639
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Jim
Pretty good. You must be almost out of water.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38640
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Pam
Stop drinking the water! Stop!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38641
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Andy
No, no, no, no. It's the other hand. Right hand. Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38642
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Michael
Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. But he couldn't. These things seldom work out. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now. But, clearly, they make it work. And my hat's off to them.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38643
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Andy
Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa. Dwight! Stop!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38644
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Gabe
Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit is to call this a stress-induced outburst. You will have to undergo six sessions of counseling.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38645
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Michael
That's it? Really? That's nothing. All right. That's highway robbery.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38646
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Gabe
Good. Well, that's the spirit.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38647
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Michael
I can do that.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38648
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Gabe
And, uh, you will do your counseling right here, because our HR staff are all certified counselors.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38649
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Michael
Okay. Wait, what?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38650
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Toby
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38651
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Michael
Is there another option?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38652
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Gabe
The alternative is termination.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38653