Darryl

What's wrong with a level playing field?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38514

Michael

Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38515

Jim

Oh, man, so many points being made.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38516

Creed

I couldn't care less about nepotism. But, I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38517

Michael

God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38518

Erin

That's a really tight argument.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38519

Michael

Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38520

Jim

But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38521

Michael

No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38522

Oscar

This is hypothetical. We're talking about Luke who happens to be terrible.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38523

Michael

Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38524

Kelly

I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. So, thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38525

Oscar

If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38526

Michael

Because I wanted you to come to me and say, 'Wow, he is so great.' And I was gonna say, 'Well, it's in the genes.' And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them, right? No. But you ruined it. So, thank you very much. Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew. Hey, there he is.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38527

Erin

Hey! Ice cream afternoon!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38528

Michael

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38529

Kevin

Wait, soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38530

Pam

Or enough for everyone?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38531

Luke

No, man. There was no list. Uh, but I got bagel chips.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38532

Oscar

Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38533

Andy

Clutch cream run, bro.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38534

Pam

Get whatever you want, on me.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38535

Jim

You really think you can make it up to me with food?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38536

Pam

I don't know. That usually works.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38537

Pam

I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, so he's become a monster. I need to make this right.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38538

Angela

I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38539

Michael

Ok, you know what? Just -just back off! Back off!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38540

Phyllis

Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. He never bothered to send them.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38541

Michael

All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38542

Jim

Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. And then I remembered having a conversation with him where he was like, 'I don't own an Ebay store,' so...

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38543

Michael

Ok, ok. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38544

Oscar

Oh sure, those are the expense reports that corporate was waiting for yesterday.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38545

Stanley

Let's just make this kid open this damn car.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38546

Erin

Oh my gosh, those are the pants he wanted to return to Talbots.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38547

Michael

I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38548

Andy

You get that kid to open this car, or I'm gonna do it myself... by calling Tripple A.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38549

Michael

Wait a minute.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38550

Meredith

I'm in.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38551

Michael

Don't-all right. Well, ok, you've just committed a felony.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38552

Oscar

Yep, here they are.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38553

Phyllis

Yep, I just lost a client cause I swore I sent these samples on time.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38554

Andy

This kid's costing us sales, Michael.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38555

Erin

I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38556

Michael

No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38557

Jo Bennett

Why is this my problem, Michael?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38558

Michael

Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38559

Gabe

Those overnight packages needed to go out, and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38560

Jo Bennett

Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. Ok, educate me now why you won't fire the boy.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38561

Michael

You don't have all the facts.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38562

Jo Bennett

Which are?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38563

Michael

I love him.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38564

Jo Bennett

Oh, God. How far has it gone?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38565

Michael

No. No. He's my nephew.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38566

Jo Bennett

Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38567

Michael

Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38568

Jo Bennett

If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Cover his ass like tighty-whities.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38569

Michael

I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38570

Jo Bennett

Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38571

Michael

Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally he will need a little push, and I will do that, and he'll slow down, and I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38572

Kevin

Oh, yeah. This'll be easy. So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38573

Pam

Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses 'Doors closed' the doors open. Or he presses 'lobby' it goes to third floor, stuff like that. Can you do that?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38574

Kevin

Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38575

Pam

Dwight is about to get so Pammed.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38576

Dwight

Hey, did you SMS text message me?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38577

Pam

Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38578

Dwight

Okay, that's weird. Just hitting 'door closed.' What?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38579

Pam

There we go.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38580

Dwight

Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38581

Pam

Let's just calm down.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38582

Dwight

Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38583

Pam

I don't-

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38584

Dwight

Use your talons! Pry 'em open!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38585

Pam

Ok, Dwi-Oh, my God!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38586

Dwight

Well, don't look, freak!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38587

Pam

Dwight, what are you doing!? We've only been in here for, like, two seconds!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38588

Dwight

I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38589

Pam

You've gotta be kidding me.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38590

Michael

Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. You click on that first, then a whole new-Not, no, no, no! Luke, come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head. Alright. Luke, come on. Stop it!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38591

Luke

What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38592

Michael

Give me the pointer.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38593

Luke

So you just want me to move it? You're being totally unclear here. I'm just gonna go ahead and move it.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38594

Michael

No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. Luke, seriously.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38595

Luke

All right, fine. Fine. I'll just go.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38596

Michael

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38597

Luke

I'm gone.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38598

Michael

All right. Okay. Good job. Okay, email accounts. So we're starting with account setup-

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38599

Andy

Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? I think he's burning my eye.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38600

Angela

Michael, do something.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38601

Meredith

Sack up, man.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38602

Michael

Okay, can I have that?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38603

Luke

No.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38604

Michael

Ok, I am going to count down from five.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38605

Both

Five, four...

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38606

Michael

I'm not kidding.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38607

Both

Three, two, one.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38608

Michael

Give-okay. Alright, give it up.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38609

Luke

No!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38610

Michael

You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38611

Luke

What the?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38612

Michael

That's what you're going to do, Luke!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38613

"Nepotism" Quotes (page 2)