Darryl

What's wrong with a level playing field?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38514

Michael

Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38515

Jim

Oh, man, so many points being made.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38516

Creed

I couldn't care less about nepotism. But, I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38517

Michael

God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38518

Erin

That's a really tight argument.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38519

Michael

Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38520

Jim

But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38521

Michael

No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38522

Oscar

This is hypothetical. We're talking about Luke who happens to be terrible.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38523

Michael

Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38524

Kelly

I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. So, thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38525

Oscar

If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38526

Michael

Because I wanted you to come to me and say, 'Wow, he is so great.' And I was gonna say, 'Well, it's in the genes.' And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them, right? No. But you ruined it. So, thank you very much. Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew. Hey, there he is.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38527

Erin

Hey! Ice cream afternoon!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38528

Michael

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38529

Kevin

Wait, soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38530

Pam

Or enough for everyone?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38531

Luke

No, man. There was no list. Uh, but I got bagel chips.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38532

Oscar

Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38533

Andy

Clutch cream run, bro.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38534

Pam

Get whatever you want, on me.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38535

Jim

You really think you can make it up to me with food?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38536

Pam

I don't know. That usually works.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38537

Pam

I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, so he's become a monster. I need to make this right.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38538

Angela

I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38539

Michael

Ok, you know what? Just -just back off! Back off!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38540

Phyllis

Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. He never bothered to send them.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38541

Michael

All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38542

Jim

Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. And then I remembered having a conversation with him where he was like, 'I don't own an Ebay store,' so...

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38543

Michael

Ok, ok. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38544

Oscar

Oh sure, those are the expense reports that corporate was waiting for yesterday.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38545

Stanley

Let's just make this kid open this damn car.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38546

Erin

Oh my gosh, those are the pants he wanted to return to Talbots.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38547

Michael

I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38548

Andy

You get that kid to open this car, or I'm gonna do it myself... by calling Tripple A.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38549

Michael

Wait a minute.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38550

Meredith

I'm in.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38551

Michael

Don't-all right. Well, ok, you've just committed a felony.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38552

Oscar

Yep, here they are.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38553

Phyllis

Yep, I just lost a client cause I swore I sent these samples on time.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38554

Andy

This kid's costing us sales, Michael.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38555

Erin

I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38556

Michael

No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38557

Jo Bennett

Why is this my problem, Michael?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38558

Michael

Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38559

Gabe

Those overnight packages needed to go out, and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38560

Jo Bennett

Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. Ok, educate me now why you won't fire the boy.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38561

Michael

You don't have all the facts.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38562

Jo Bennett

Which are?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38563

Michael

I love him.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38564

Jo Bennett

Oh, God. How far has it gone?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38565

Michael

No. No. He's my nephew.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38566

Jo Bennett

Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38567

Michael

Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38568

Jo Bennett

If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Cover his ass like tighty-whities.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38569

Michael

I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38570

Jo Bennett

Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38571

Michael

Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally he will need a little push, and I will do that, and he'll slow down, and I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38572

Kevin

Oh, yeah. This'll be easy. So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38573

Pam

Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses 'Doors closed' the doors open. Or he presses 'lobby' it goes to third floor, stuff like that. Can you do that?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38574

Kevin

Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38575

Pam

Dwight is about to get so Pammed.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38576

Dwight

Hey, did you SMS text message me?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38577

Pam

Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38578

Dwight

Okay, that's weird. Just hitting 'door closed.' What?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38579

Pam

There we go.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38580

Dwight

Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38581

Pam

Let's just calm down.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38582

Dwight

Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38583

Pam

I don't-

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38584

Dwight

Use your talons! Pry 'em open!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38585

Pam

Ok, Dwi-Oh, my God!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38586

Dwight

Well, don't look, freak!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38587

Pam

Dwight, what are you doing!? We've only been in here for, like, two seconds!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38588

Dwight

I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38589

Pam

You've gotta be kidding me.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38590

Michael

Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. You click on that first, then a whole new-Not, no, no, no! Luke, come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head. Alright. Luke, come on. Stop it!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38591

Luke

What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38592

Michael

Give me the pointer.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38593

Luke

So you just want me to move it? You're being totally unclear here. I'm just gonna go ahead and move it.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38594

Michael

No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. Luke, seriously.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38595

Luke

All right, fine. Fine. I'll just go.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38596

Michael

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38597

Luke

I'm gone.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38598

Michael

All right. Okay. Good job. Okay, email accounts. So we're starting with account setup-

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38599

Andy

Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? I think he's burning my eye.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38600

Angela

Michael, do something.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38601

Meredith

Sack up, man.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38602

Michael

Okay, can I have that?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38603

Luke

No.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38604

Michael

Ok, I am going to count down from five.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38605

Both

Five, four...

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38606

Michael

I'm not kidding.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38607

Both

Three, two, one.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38608

Michael

Give-okay. Alright, give it up.

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38609

Luke

No!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38610

Michael

You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38611

Luke

What the?

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38612

Michael

That's what you're going to do, Luke!

Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38613

"Nepotism" Quotes (page 2)