Every quote from The Office season 7, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 23, 2010.
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Stanley
You fallin' behind.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38414
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Ryan
Wuphf.com!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38415
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Kelly
Ryan, we're doing the dance!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38416
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Ryan
This is how you build a business. This is how you make it in this country.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38417
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Creed
You got Creed.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38418
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Ryan
-and you jump in front of them.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38419
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Kelly
You make it so hard to love you sometimes.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38420
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Stanley
Still behind.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38421
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Angela
I said I didn't want to be on the internet!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38422
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Andy
Go, go, go, go!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38423
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Michael
[performs magic-tricks while lip-syncing]
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38424
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All
Streamers!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38425
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Dwight
Hiya! Ha!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38426
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Phyllis
Dwight!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38427
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Stanley
Are you crazy?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38428
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Andy
Toby, how did we do?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38429
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Toby
Well, that was better.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38430
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Andy
Whoo! We did it!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38431
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Michael
I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw 'Inception.' Or at least I dreamt I did.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38432
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Andy
Brocolli Rob, obviously, will be there.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38433
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Erin
Yes, of course.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38434
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Andy
And JC. We call him Blorville, because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38435
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Erin
Who's the guy who invented the peanut?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38436
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Gabe
Hey, guys.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38437
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Andy
Hey!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38438
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Gabe
Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38439
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Andy
Not at all.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38440
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Gabe
I'm gonna head back to Siberia there. Ciao.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38441
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Gabe
I started dating Erin this summer. It has been, in a word, exquisite.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38442
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Erin
Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn't have to, but... it's been great.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38443
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Andy
Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38444
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Pam
Hey. What are you doing?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38445
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Dwight
From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38446
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Kevin
Well, what if you're cold?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38447
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Dwight
Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, OK? I'm too busy.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38448
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Jim
Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38449
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Dwight
Jim, you have one job to do. And you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38450
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Dwight
Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38451
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Kelly
This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, 'Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?' And I'd be like, 'blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah,' giving you the exact right answer.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38452
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Luke
Coffee Monkey's arrived.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38453
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Oscar
The coffee's supposed to be here at 9.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38454
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Luke
Here you go, Big O. Tiny. Darryl Hannah.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38455
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Darryl
It says decaf. You get me decaf?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38456
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Luke
Ooh, yeah. Must've been some sort of mix-up there. You could just drink it, or I could drive all the way back?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38457
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Darryl
My summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're going to get out of Afghanistan. I hate the new assistant. He's only been here for a week, and I hate him.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38458
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Andy
New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38459
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Luke
My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and The Boondock Saints.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38460
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Andy
That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38461
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Michael
He's not the worst, okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy-remember? Eeeh! That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. Ah! It's not cappuccino.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38462
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Oscar
He messed yours up to.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38463
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Darryl
He's got to go, Mike.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38464
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Michael
It's just coffee, guys! But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38465
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Jim
Wow, that's a lot of keys.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38466
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Dwight
The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38467
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Jim
That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38468
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Dwight
Where?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38469
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Jim
I think they run through these panels and then down under the map. I wouldn't know for sure cause I don't have a trained ear. That's why I have to use one of these.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38470
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Dwight
Give me that.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38471
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Jim
Yep. Wait, and this.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38472
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38473
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Jim
Go get 'em.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38474
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Jim
What happened to me this summer? Dwight bought the building, so actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38475
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Dwight
Hey, what's so funny over here? Ha. Very nice. Give me my keys. Ha. Ha. Not. Funny. Jim.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38476
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Pam
Sorry.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38477
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Jim
Oh, no. Don't worry about it. I was just gonna put a couple keys on it every day until Christmas. Then his pants would have fallen down, which was a little gift to me, but...
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38478
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Pam
It was really funny.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38479
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Jim
Well, it would have been. So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38480
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Pam
I love you.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38481
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Phyllis
Luke? Luke!
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38482
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Luke
What's up, Venus?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38483
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Phyllis
Did you send those samples to Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday? Because he didn't get 'em.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38484
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Luke
Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. Yeah, strawberries are ripe.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38485
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Meredith
Hey, turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38486
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Luke
You don't have to yell.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38487
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Michael
Okay, rude. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38488
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Luke
What for?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38489
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Michael
To get some ice cream for everybody. It's national ice cream afternoon. Great.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38490
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Michael
And another thing I did this summer, I hired my nephew.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38491
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Michael
Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years a- 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of 'Ace Ventura II' and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38492
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Michael
Don't bother Luke.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38493
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Pam
Why is there a circle with a line through it?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38494
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Michael
That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38495
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Phyllis
Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38496
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Michael
No, it... Yes, okay, right. All right, yep. My bad. I got it. Here we go.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38497
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Darryl
Don't don't bother Luke. Got it.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38498
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Michael
Come on. Okay, um... That's as clear as I can make it.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38499
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Phyllis
Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38500
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Michael
Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38501
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Dwight
Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38502
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Gabe
That'd be hilarious. Uh, 'Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop 'em.'
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38503
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Michael
Nope, it won't be Gabe but actually, there is somebody in the office that is very, very close to Luke.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38504
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Dwight
How close?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38505
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Michael
Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. Is that close enough for you?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38506
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Dwight
Yes. Of course.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38507
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Toby
Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38508
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Michael
No. No, Toby. He's not. Yes he is. He's my nephew.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38509
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All
What?
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38510
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Michael
Luke is my nephew.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38511
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Oscar
Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38512
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Michael
Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.
Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38513