Every line from The Office season 7, episode 17, in script order. First aired February 24, 2011.
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Dwight
I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43262
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Kevin
You're eating eight year old tomatoes?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43263
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Dwight
They're still good for another week.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43264
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Meredith
You know, I think I have some type of cheese in the back of my fridge you might like.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43265
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Kevin
I've got some cheese you might like too. In between my toes.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43266
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Dwight
Hardy har har. Okay picture this: Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A ravenous pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope left for you. The door to my shelter. You pound, you beg, Dwight! Please let me in! But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You wanna know why?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43267
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Jim
Because of the sign, that says no pounding no begging.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43268
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Dwight
No. Because you laughed at me. Kevin will be eaten! Pam will be taken slave! Jim will be made a warlord's gesture. Meredith will do ok. Be assured this day will come. It's just a matter of time. Could be one month, could be two months.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43269
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Jim
Three months.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43270
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Dwight
Could be.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43271
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Jim
Four months.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43272
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Dwight
I can see that happening, yes.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43273
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Jim
Eight months?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43274
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Dwight
That's a realistic time line.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43275
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Jim
Eleven months.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43276
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Dwight
Perhaps.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43277
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Jim
Okay now really think hard about this one: One year.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43278
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Dwight
I can see that as a very real possibility.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43279
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Jim
Four hundred and ninety-four months?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43280
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Dwight
I can see that happening.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43281
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Jim
Four hundred and ninety-FIVE months. That's just...
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43282
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Todd Packer
I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43283
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Michael
Still not seeing the problem here.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43284
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Todd Packer
All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43285
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Michael
It was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. And now Packer wants to come home. And ohh, look who's here to sign off on it! My boo, Holly.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43286
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Holly
Hi!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43287
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Michael
Hi.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43288
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Holly
You must be Todd.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43289
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Todd Packer
Whoa! I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43290
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Holly
Very funny. Okay let's get started.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43291
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Todd Packer
After you!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43292
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Michael
Oh, Michael! This'll be just us.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43293
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Michael
Oh, yes yes yes yes. Just so you know, he's at his funniest when you've given him five shots.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43294
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Holly
All right.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43295
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Michael
And it also helps if you've had five shots.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43296
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Holly
I already have.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43297
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Michael
Whoa!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43298
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Jim
Why is Packer back?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43299
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Michael
Is Packer here?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43300
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Dwight
Why's he talking to Holly?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43301
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Michael
Don't know, don't care.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43302
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Holly
Michael loves you, and your sales speak for themselves.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43303
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Todd Packer
Oh!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43304
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Michael
Yes! The Pack is back! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have done it with him. Just kidding he wouldn't be interested in any of you. In all seriousness, Todd Packer, is a permanent salesman at this branch. And I would like to invite you to welcome him with open arms.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43305
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Kevin
Yes!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43306
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Jim
What!?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43307
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Todd Packer
It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43308
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Kevin
Nice! We got burned!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43309
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Michael
You did! You got burned, because Packer's back! Packer is turning in his car for a desk. He is turning in his condoms, for a condominium! Although he's probably going to have to use condoms from here on out.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43310
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Dwight
Holly, you approved this?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43311
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Holly
Yes I did, I think Todd's gonna make a great addition to the staff.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43312
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Jim
You did approve it?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43313
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43314
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Kevin
What don't you understand about the word approved? It seems some of you don't know what the word approved means.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43315
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Kevin
I have very little patience for stupidity.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43316
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Erin
Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43317
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Gabe
I'm such a klutz!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43318
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Erin
Yeah, it took the fire department forever to get there. Oh my God, where did this come from?! Who did this?!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43319
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Pam
I got Erin a new computer, because the one at reception sucked. I should know. And I don't wanna say the other one was old, but its I.P. number is one! Right?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43320
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Erin
Thank you Pam.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43321
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Pam
Awwh, you're welcome. My pleasure.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43322
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Jim
Can I do something for ya?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43323
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Pam
I just helped someone out. It feels good.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43324
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Jim
Nice. You know, I cleaned our daughter for like, an hour at four a.m. this morning, so...
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43325
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Pam
So you know the feeling.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43326
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Michael
Special delivery for Dwight K. Schrute.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43327
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Dwight
I didn't order anything.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43328
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Michael
And I don't have anything for you. But I do wanna talk to you about something. We have been thinking about where Packer should sit... And we can't just sit around and wait for Creed to die.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43329
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Dwight
Well there's a lot of seats in the annex.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43330
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Michael
So you wouldn't mind permanently relocating, so that Packer can take this desk here.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43331
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Todd Packer
Thanks man, it'd mean a lot.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43332
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Dwight
I have been sitting here for ten years, Michael.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43333
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Todd Packer
well I was there for twelve years. Plus my name's carved under the desk.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43334
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Dwight
No it is not.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43335
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Todd Packer
Is too!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43336
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Michael
Let's look at this.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43337
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Todd Packer
Check it out!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43338
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Dwight
I don't wanna move desks!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43339
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Michael
Don't be a baby! Okay! There it is. Packer was here and so was your mom! [Todd starts humping Dwight and Michael who are still under the desk.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43340
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Jim
Do I have any say in this?!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43341
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Michael
No!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43342
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Todd Packer
Don't even watch, Halpert!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43343
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Dwight
Hey, who's dirt box is this?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43344
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Holly
Oh, that's our Zen garden.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43345
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Dwight
What do you grow in here, bullcrap?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43346
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Pam
Hey, um...
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43347
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Holly
Hey, what's up guys?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43348
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Meredith
Don't what's up us! You think you're so cute, with your pretty blonde hair!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43349
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Jim
Whoa, pull it back. Uhm, why did you hire Todd Packer?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43350
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Holly
Uhm.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43351
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Pam
He's seriously awful!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43352
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Holly
Michael's recommendation was glowing! And, honestly, he's been nothing but nice to me!
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43353
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Meredith
That's how he gets you to take off his panties.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43354
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Jim
Why are you nodding?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43355
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Pam
United front...
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43356
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Holly
Okay, look. We can't fire someone because we don't like him.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43357
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Ryan
Right this isn't the U.S. Government.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43358
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Kelly
What are you referencing?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43359
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Ryan
Everything... Everything.
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43360
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Holly
Do any of you have any concrete complaints about something he's done?
Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43361