Every line from The Office season 7, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 27, 2011.
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David Brent
Oh, sorry, mate.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42244
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Michael
Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42245
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David
What you doing?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42246
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Michael
English?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42247
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David
You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42248
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Michael
Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42249
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David
Yeah big time, yeah.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42250
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Michael
I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42251
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David
Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42252
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Michael
Michael Scott.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42253
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David
Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li. That's what it sounds like.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42254
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Michael
[laughing]
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42255
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David
Herrow! Herrow!
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42256
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Michael
I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42257
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David
You can't do that these days. You can't.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42258
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Michael
No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42259
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David
No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said.. Ohh.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42260
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Michael
That's good. Pleasure to meet you.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42261
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David
Where are you working?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42262
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Michael
Dunder Mifflin.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42263
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David
Any jobs now?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42264
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Michael
No, not right now.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42265
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David
Just let me know.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42266
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Michael
All right. See you around.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42267
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David
All right.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42268
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Michael
Bye-bye. What a nice guy.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42269
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Erin
Your first student is here, Mister Bernard.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42270
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Andy
That's actually 'Master of Ceremonies' Bernard.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42271
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Andy
Last year, I went to a seminar called 'The Ten Secrets of Real Estate'. Turns out it was just a ploy to sell me time-shares in Idaho. Cut to, you know, spending a weekend in Boise, terrible time, super lonely. But I get to thinking maybe I should put on my own seminar to lure clients.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42272
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Erin
Oh it's...
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42273
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Michael
Hello, I am here for the small business seminar.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42274
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Erin
Michael?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42275
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Michael
Nein! I'm greek! My name is Mikanos.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42276
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Erin
Ooh. Wait, Michael?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42277
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Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42278
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Michael
I am the plant. Every great seminar has one. My job is to make the speaker look good, and I do this through the techniques of leading questions and laughing at all jokes. And the character 'Mikanos', is just a little added flava. 'Mikanos' is loosely based on another character I do, 'Spiros', who is more about the ladies.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42279
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Andy
Thank you so much Tuna Turner. You are simply the best.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42280
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Jim
Listen, this isn't a favor, all right? This is a good idea. We all win.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42281
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Andy
Go higher. I get super flexible when I'm nervous.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42282
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Jim
Wow. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you, but I have a meeting today that I totally forgot, so I can't be apart of this seminar.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42283
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Andy
No. What? You can't do that. You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy,
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42284
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Jim
I know.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42285
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Andy
If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42286
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Jim
I'm really sorry. I can't do it.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42287
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Andy
You can't. You can't.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42288
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Andy
I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42289
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Jim
Will you let me know when this whole seminar thing's over?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42290
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Pam
What's going on? Do you know that guy?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42291
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Jim
I just have a meeting, uh, outside the office.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42292
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Dwight
Hey.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42293
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Jim
Hey.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42294
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Dwight
How are the marks?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42295
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Dwight
What are some of your small business ideas?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42296
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Older guy
I was thinking we could buy up of abandoned mine shafts.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42297
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Phyllis, Stanley, Dwight
Oooh!
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42298
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Dwight
That's great. There's a big, big future in that.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42299
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Phyllis
A lot of mines in Scranton.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42300
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Dwight
Um, what about you?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42301
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Younger Guy
Uh, credit cards.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42302
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Dwight
Uh-huh.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42303
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Younger Guy
My company would act as an intermedium, for like, point two cents off every transaction.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42304
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Dwight
Wow!
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42305
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Younger Guy
Something with cell phones. It's like, every time you make a phone call I'd make point two cents. Or anything like any on-line shopping I would get point two cents.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42306
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Dwight
Right. Okay? Great.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42307
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Stanley
Great.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42308
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Dwight
You promised us whales. These are worms.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42309
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Andy
They're not worms, Dwight, okay? They're just people with tiny businesses. They're baby whales which is even cuter.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42310
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Stanley
I'm out.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42311
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Andy
Stanley, you're suppose to close.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42312
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Phyllis
I'm out too.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42313
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Andy
What? I already lost Jim. Salesmen are suppose to help each other out. We're suppose to be a team.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42314
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Dwight
We're no more a team than the people staying in the same hotel are a team.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42315
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Michael
You know what might be kind of fun? I was thinking , you know Andy is having a seminar today? What if we went in as a greek couple? Mikanos and...
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42316
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Holly
Oh, I don't know, Michael. I'm not feeling up to that.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42317
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Michael
Okay.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42318
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Michael
Holly broke up with A.J last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened... to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact that there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever. Too much information? That's what I thought. But, you know what? Here I am using it.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42319
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Michael
If-a you change-a you mind, why don't you talk to Mikanos?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42320
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Holly
Is Mikanos greek? He sounds Italian.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42321
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Michael
Ugh. You're the fifth person to tell me that today.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42322
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Holly
Maybe Mikanos ran away to join the Italian circus.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42323
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Michael
Okay, yeah, like a character history. Good. Tom Hanks does that.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42324
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Erin
Down... there. Is 'jlp' a word?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42325
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Pam
Jelp?' J-e-l-p?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42326
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Erin
No, j-l-p. Like, 'I jlp... I jlp you!'
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42327
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Pam
I don't think that's a word.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42328
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Erin
I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42329
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Erin
The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen 'The Shining', 'Rosemary's Baby', 'The Ring'. Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42330
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Pam
You want some help?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42331
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Erin
Really?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42332
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Pam
Mm-hmm.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42333
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Erin
Yes.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42334
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Pam
K-a. 'Ka'? What does 'ka' mean?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42335
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Oscar
It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you. Why did you play 'moo'?
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42336
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Erin
Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing 'moo', I'm playing 'milk'. Whatever it takes.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42337
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Oscar
Okay, but look, you could have hit 'mood'. Would have played a...
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42338
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Erin
Uh...
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42339
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Oscar
A triple word.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42340
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Erin
Like the cow mood yesterday. God.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42341
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Oscar
Or moon.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42342
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Erin
The cow jumped over the moon.
Season 7 · Episode 13 · Line 42343