Every line from The Office season 6, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 12, 2009.
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Michael
Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33693
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Oscar
It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33694
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Michael
Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33695
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Ryan
You don't have to keep saying 'I do declare'. Any time you say something it means you are declaring.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33696
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Michael
That is the way Southern people talk.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33697
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Jim
And what Designing Woman are you basing that on?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33698
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Michael
Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33699
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Pam
I'll go. My name is Deborah U. Tante. Deb for short.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33700
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Andy
That's clever, Debutante.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33701
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Pam
Bill Bourbon was my uncle. I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33702
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Meredith
Nice accent. You sound like Forrest Gump.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33703
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Pam
I do not.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33704
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Andy
Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33705
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Kevin
Oooo, now do the Swedish chef.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33706
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Andy
Uh, not familiar, what province is he from?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33707
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Kevin
He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33708
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Phyllis
You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean, Deb, OK? I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33709
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Dwight
Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm the butler. You were listening in on that? You rich people. You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class!
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33710
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Michael
No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33711
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Dwight
I will poison your food.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33712
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Andy
I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrix Bourbon, if'n she don't mind.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33713
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Michael
Oooooo, doggie, we got a party now!
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33714
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Michael
I do believe that the game is a big hit. People are really diving into their characters.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33715
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Kevin
Y'all.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33716
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Creed
Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33717
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Michael
Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33718
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Creed
OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33719
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Michael
Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33720
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Andy
Hey there young lady.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33721
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Erin
Hello.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33722
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Andy
I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33723
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Erin
Sounds like a plan, Sugar.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33724
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Andy
Alright, a plan it is.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33725
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Dwight
Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the Dark Arts.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33726
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Angela
It's not my fault, I was exposed to Harry Potter.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33727
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Dwight
I know you did it!
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33728
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Dwight
I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33729
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Kevin
Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33730
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Erin
Well, you know ol' Nellie's always up for a romp in the hay.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33731
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Meredith
How about a threesome?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33732
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Erin
Yeah, my boudoir's always open.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33733
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Kevin
Nice.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33734
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Andy
I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33735
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Oscar
I just got an email from corporate, specifically for Accounting to stop all payments to our vendors.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33736
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Phyllis
What does that mean?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33737
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Oscar
Well, maybe nothing but it could mean a problem with liquidity-
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33738
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Michael
Whoa. What's this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son? This here's Savannah.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33739
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Oscar
This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks. We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay... - Michael, I can't - Basically it could mean a lot of things, but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33740
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Jim
OK, I'm going back to work.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33741
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Michael
No no no no no no no. I'm going to skip forward to a relevant clue. Here we go.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33742
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Voice on CD player
Well by now you've figured out that ol' Beatrix Bourbon was the killer.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33743
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Phyllis
Michael, I was doing so well.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33744
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Michael
Are you going to believe that? That is a mis- that's a misdirection. We still don't know who the murderer is. Nellie Nutmeg, come back in here. I can't do this myself. Voodoo Mama Juju... what am I gonna do?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33745
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Jim
OK, so Corporate is still in their meeting.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33746
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Kevin
That could be a good sign.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33747
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Angela
Hey everyone, Kevin's going to give us his take on the situation. Let's listen up.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33748
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Jim
Alright guys, it's a work day and you guys work here, so let's go do some work.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33749
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Kevin
Now, Jim telling us all to work? I think that is a very good sign.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33750
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Angela
Don't just say things.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33751
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Jim
Oh, hey, Michael. Listen, I brought up those sales targets. Do you want to-
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33752
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Michael
I do believe you have me mistaken, my name is Caleb Crawdad. Y'all skedaddled way too soon. We need to reopen this case.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33753
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Jim
No, you're not reopening the case. The case is closed.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33754
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Michael
No it ain't.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33755
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Dwight
Frankly, I'm not surprised. A lot of the evidence seemed to be based on puns.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33756
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Andy
Just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33757
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Erin
I haven't seen it.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33758
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Andy
Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33759
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Erin
Of course, Nathaniel.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33760
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Andy
Yeah, OK.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33761
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Erin
Where are you taking me?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33762
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Andy
Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33763
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Erin
Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33764
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Andy
Did you mean a real date?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33765
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Erin
No. Did you?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33766
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Andy
Totally... not.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33767
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Erin
I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was just, it was part of the game.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33768
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Dwight
You're sure it was water, it couldn't have been acid?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33769
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Michael
I already declared you, it was too dark to tell.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33770
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Dwight
Stop playing games with me, Crawdad.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33771
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Michael
This is not a game, this is my life. You are out of order, sir.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33772
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Dwight
Answer me.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33773
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Michael
You are out of order.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33774
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Dwight
You are out of order.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33775
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Michael
You are-
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33776
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Pam
I think Michael may have snapped.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33777
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Jim
Or maybe he's just stuck in character.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33778
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Pam
Well, which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33779
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Jim
Both. They're both worse.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33780
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Jim
It's going to be alright. We're a good company, we'll figure this out. We're not going under.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33781
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Pam
Jim, what if we both lose our jobs? I'm trying to think of a way that this all ends up fine, and I can't think of one.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33782
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Michael
Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33783
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Jim
Michael, not now.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33784
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Michael
Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33785
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Pam
I should just go. Where to now Caleb?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33786
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Michael
To Mama Juju Boo Boo.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33787
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Jim
Michael, can I... OK, I'm just going to skip right past the what and go with why.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33788
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Michael
Because this is the recreation of a crime scene.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33789
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Meredith
I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33790
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Dwight
Hey shut up. You're dead.
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33791
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Jim
Michael, can I talk to you in your office?
Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33792