Dwight

Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33593

Jim

Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33594

Dwight

How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum... and you are attacked by triads... how can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33595

Jim

OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33596

Dwight

No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33597

Kevin

No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33598

Dwight

False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33599

Jim

OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33600

Dwight

That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33601

Jim

So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33602

Dwight

Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. Block. Grasp wrist as such.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33603

Jim

And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33604

Dwight

Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33605

Jim

Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33606

Dwight

He really is, but not for long. Ow! Instep, oh, not again. You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33607

Jim

You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33608

Dwight

The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33609

Michael

But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33610

Andy

I did stand up comedy once.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33611

Michael

You did?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33612

Andy

Yeah, I killed.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33613

Michael

That sounds like it was hilarious.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33614

Andy

It was hilarious.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33615

Dwight

Michael?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33616

Michael

Yes?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33617

Dwight

What is the meaning of this email that everyone got?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33618

Michael

You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33619

Dwight

This one, from David Wallace to all Dunder Mifflin.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33620

Michael

Woo hoo, shout out!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33621

Dwight

Hello everyone I am sure you have seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture. If there's any concrete news you will know ASAP.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33622

Michael

Erin, do we have the journal?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33623

Erin

Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33624

Michael

Did you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33625

Pam

Michael, he means the Wall Street Journal online.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33626

Michael

Oh, the Wall.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33627

Oscar

I found the article. 'On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... ' and the article cuts off.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33628

Michael

It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33629

Jim

Are you serious?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33630

Andy

I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33631

Phyllis

It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy.'

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33632

Michael

No, no, that doesn't make any sense.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33633

Stanley

Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33634

Oscar

Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33635

Michael

Oh, that sounds awful.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33636

Oscar

Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33637

Michael

Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33638

Dwight

You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33639

David Wallace's Secretary

I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33640

Michael

Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33641

David Wallace's Secretary

Um, I'll just have him call you back.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33642

Michael

OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33643

Kevin

Michael, are you OK? Did you throw up in there?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33644

Michael

No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33645

Kevin

It smells like throw up in here.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33646

Michael

Crazy world. Lotta smells.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33647

Kelly

Guys, what if this is our last day at work? What if we never see each other ever again?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33648

Andy

I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33649

Jim

We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33650

Michael

OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33651

Jim

Listen, Wallace said these were just rumors, right? So we have no reason to think the company is anything but fine. So if we just go on with our work, you and me, they'll follow along.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33652

Michael

Monkey see, monkey do.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33653

Jim

That's it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33654

Michael

Monkey pee all over you.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33655

Jim

That rhymes, so what have we on the docket today?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33656

Michael

We have a monthly staff meeting

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33657

Jim

Alright, let's conference room it up! Here's the deal guys. There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33658

Jim

Sure I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better. I only slack off when things are good.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33659

Jim

Customers have to use the coupon code from the website. And as of now there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero, but we are working on that. Stay tuned for that.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33660

Dwight

He needs me. Seat saved infinity.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33661

Jim

OK, great.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33662

Michael

What? Oh my God! There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33663

Michael

Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33664

Meredith

Belles, Bourbon and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33665

Michael

It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it...

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33666

Jim

Hey, I am wondering if this is a, uh, terrible idea.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33667

Michael

This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33668

Jim

I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33669

Michael

Tube City, you owe me one.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33670

Jim

Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33671

Voice on CD player

August the 5th, 1955. It's a sad day down here in Savannah. Local magnate Bill Bourbon was killed last night and all y'all have congregated tonight for a meal to celebrate Bill as he passes on to his great reward. You're not just here to pay your respects, you have to figure out which of y'all is the no-count scoundrel who killed him.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33672

Stanley

This is ridiculous.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33673

Michael

There will be food. You leave, you do not get food.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33674

Stanley

What kind of food?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33675

Michael

Sandwich platters.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33676

Stanley

I'm in.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33677

Michael

Baby carrots.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33678

Michael

OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33679

Kevin

Whoa, I'll try it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33680

Michael

OK, use your imaginations.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33681

Andy

Who'd you get?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33682

Erin

Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33683

Andy

Oooooo, saucy.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33684

Erin

How about you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33685

Andy

Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33686

Angela

Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33687

Michael

It's not scary.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33688

Angela

I don't like my character.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33689

Pam

Who are you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33690

Angela

Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33691

Michael

Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Line 33692

"Murder" Quotes