"Murder" Quotes

Every quote from The Office season 6, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 12, 2009.

247 quotes · page 1 of 3

Dwight

Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33593
Jim

Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33594
Dwight

How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum... and you are attacked by triads... how can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33595
Jim

OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33596
Dwight

No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33597
Kevin

No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33598
Dwight

False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33599
Jim

OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33600
Dwight

That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33601
Jim

So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33602
Dwight

Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. Block. Grasp wrist as such.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33603
Jim

And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33604
Dwight

Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33605
Jim

Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33606
Dwight

He really is, but not for long. Ow! Instep, oh, not again. You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33607
Jim

You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33608
Dwight

The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33609
Michael

But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33610
Andy

I did stand up comedy once.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33611
Michael

You did?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33612
Andy

Yeah, I killed.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33613
Michael

That sounds like it was hilarious.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33614
Andy

It was hilarious.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33615
Dwight

Michael?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33616
Michael

Yes?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33617
Dwight

What is the meaning of this email that everyone got?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33618
Michael

You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33619
Dwight

This one, from David Wallace to all Dunder Mifflin.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33620
Michael

Woo hoo, shout out!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33621
Dwight

Hello everyone I am sure you have seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture. If there's any concrete news you will know ASAP.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33622
Michael

Erin, do we have the journal?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33623
Erin

Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33624
Michael

Did you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33625
Pam

Michael, he means the Wall Street Journal online.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33626
Michael

Oh, the Wall.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33627
Oscar

I found the article. 'On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... ' and the article cuts off.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33628
Michael

It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33629
Jim

Are you serious?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33630
Andy

I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33631
Phyllis

It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy.'

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33632
Michael

No, no, that doesn't make any sense.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33633
Stanley

Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33634
Oscar

Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33635
Michael

Oh, that sounds awful.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33636
Oscar

Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33637
Michael

Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33638
Dwight

You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33639
David Wallace's Secretary

I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33640
Michael

Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious!

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33641
David Wallace's Secretary

Um, I'll just have him call you back.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33642
Michael

OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33643
Kevin

Michael, are you OK? Did you throw up in there?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33644
Michael

No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33645
Kevin

It smells like throw up in here.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33646
Michael

Crazy world. Lotta smells.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33647
Kelly

Guys, what if this is our last day at work? What if we never see each other ever again?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33648
Andy

I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33649
Jim

We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33650
Michael

OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33651
Jim

Listen, Wallace said these were just rumors, right? So we have no reason to think the company is anything but fine. So if we just go on with our work, you and me, they'll follow along.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33652
Michael

Monkey see, monkey do.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33653
Jim

That's it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33654
Michael

Monkey pee all over you.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33655
Jim

That rhymes, so what have we on the docket today?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33656
Michael

We have a monthly staff meeting

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33657
Jim

Alright, let's conference room it up! Here's the deal guys. There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33658
Jim

Sure I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better. I only slack off when things are good.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33659
Jim

Customers have to use the coupon code from the website. And as of now there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero, but we are working on that. Stay tuned for that.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33660
Dwight

He needs me. Seat saved infinity.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33661
Jim

OK, great.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33662
Michael

What? Oh my God! There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33663
Michael

Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33664
Meredith

Belles, Bourbon and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33665
Michael

It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it...

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33666
Jim

Hey, I am wondering if this is a, uh, terrible idea.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33667
Michael

This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33668
Jim

I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33669
Michael

Tube City, you owe me one.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33670
Jim

Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33671
Voice on CD player

August the 5th, 1955. It's a sad day down here in Savannah. Local magnate Bill Bourbon was killed last night and all y'all have congregated tonight for a meal to celebrate Bill as he passes on to his great reward. You're not just here to pay your respects, you have to figure out which of y'all is the no-count scoundrel who killed him.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33672
Stanley

This is ridiculous.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33673
Michael

There will be food. You leave, you do not get food.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33674
Stanley

What kind of food?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33675
Michael

Sandwich platters.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33676
Stanley

I'm in.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33677
Michael

Baby carrots.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33678
Michael

OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33679
Kevin

Whoa, I'll try it.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33680
Michael

OK, use your imaginations.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33681
Andy

Who'd you get?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33682
Erin

Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33683
Andy

Oooooo, saucy.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33684
Erin

How about you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33685
Andy

Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33686
Angela

Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33687
Michael

It's not scary.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33688
Angela

I don't like my character.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33689
Pam

Who are you?

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33690
Angela

Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33691
Michael

Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful.

Season 6 · Episode 9 · Quote 33692