Every line from The Office season 6, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 1, 2009.
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Dwight
Could you please sign my expense report?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31384
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Michael
No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31385
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Dwight
Sign this.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31386
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Jim
Ah, ah, ah. Where's the 'please'? We're not animals.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31387
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Dwight
Sign it.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31388
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Jim
No, not without a 'please.'
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31389
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Dwight
Idiot.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31390
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Dwight
I have a complaint about Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31391
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Michael
That is not big picture.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31392
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Dwight
I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31393
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Michael
... Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31394
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Dwight
Jim won't sign my expense report.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31395
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Michael
That is not-- okay-- that is day-to-day.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31396
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Dwight
No, that is huge.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31397
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Michael
You're trying to trick me.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31398
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Dwight
This has to do--
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31399
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Michael
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31400
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Dwight
I'd like to lodge a complaint.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31401
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Jim
I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31402
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Dwight
You!
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31403
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Jim
Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So... When did this happen?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31404
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Dwight
One minute ago.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31405
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Jim
Okay. And how do you feel?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31406
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Dwight
Angry.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31407
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Jim
All right. Did he hit you?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31408
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Dwight
No.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31409
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Jim
Did you cry?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31410
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Dwight
No.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31411
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Jim
Did you feel like crying?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31412
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Dwight
No.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31413
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Jim
I'm just gonna write 'held back tears.'
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31414
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Dwight
Wait, stop writing that. That is not true.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31415
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Jim
If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31416
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Dwight
I'm not cr-- uhh!
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31417
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Dwight
I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh, man. Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock! And he's gasping, he's panting! Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! Aha! $18,000 and a chance at the title! Ooh hah!
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31418
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Erin
Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31419
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Michael
Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. And I suggest that you bring a snack, because we may be in there for a while.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31420
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Jim
Michael...
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31421
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Michael
Yes?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31422
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Jim
Can I talk to you in my office for a second?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31423
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Michael
Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31424
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Stanley
Can I also be a boss?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31425
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Oscar
Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31426
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Jim
I have noticed that we--
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31427
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Michael
Welcome.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31428
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Jim
Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31429
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Michael
Mm-hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31430
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Jim
And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um--
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31431
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Michael
Disruptive.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31432
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Jim
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31433
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Michael
No, I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31434
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Jim
Okay, maybe we should talk specifics.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31435
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Michael
Let's do.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31436
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Jim
Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31437
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Michael
N-- well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31438
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Jim
I am.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31439
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Michael
Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets...
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31440
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Jim
Right.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31441
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Michael
At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31442
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Jim
Yes, I agree.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31443
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Michael
Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31444
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Jim
I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31445
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Michael
You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31446
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Jim
You mean on a weekend?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31447
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Michael
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31448
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Jim
How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31449
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Michael
Alright. No more meetings this week.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31450
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Jim
Really? You just agreed to that?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31451
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Michael
I can be very suprising.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31452
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Phyllis
What's going on?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31453
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Pam
I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31454
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Ryan
You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31455
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Phyllis
Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31456
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Pam
We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31457
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Pam
It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31458
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Phyllis
Perfect. I hate registries.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31459
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Pam
Oh, good.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31460
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Phyllis
My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be suprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31461
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Pam
No, we're not.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31462
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Phyllis
Good. Good.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31463
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Michael
Mm-hmm?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31464
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Jim
Okay, I thought I saw people missing.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31465
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Michael
Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31466
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Jim
Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31467
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Michael
Stanley, you don't need to answer that.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31468
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Jim
Stanley?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31469
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Stanley
If you don't smell this, you're fired.'
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31470
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Jim
Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31471
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Michael
What do you mean by 'these people'?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31472
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Jim
Michael, this is a conference room meeting.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31473
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Michael
Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31474
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Jim
That's not what I meant.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31475
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Michael
Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important that what you want.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31476
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Jim
I disagree.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31477
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Michael
What do you guys think?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31478
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Jim
Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael?
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31479
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Michael
No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31480
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Jim
That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31481
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Michael
That is not what Wallace told us.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31482
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Jim
That's exactly what Wallace told us.
Season 6 · Episode 3 · Line 31483