Every line from The Office season 6, episode 18, in script order. First aired March 18, 2010.
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Jim
Oh, good, phew, thank god you said that.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36500
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Kelly
I mean, if the salesmen weren't acting like such a bunch of stuck-up losers, then this day wouldn't be so bad - did you ever think of that?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36501
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Jim
I have new baby pictures.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36502
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Kelly
Don't use your cute baby to make us like you.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36503
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Jim
She's wearing a onesie
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36504
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Stanley
If we act nice now, then we're rewarding them for treating us poorly.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36505
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Jim
Didn't we kind of start it?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36506
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Phyllis
I think you're remembering that wrong?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36507
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Andy
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36508
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Phyllis
I don't know about this. I mean, I think we should hold our ground. The company's changed, and if they don't like it, they can leave. I mean, a lot of their work can be done from India.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36509
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Jim
Can we at least all agree that this is uncomfortable, and may be heading for something bad?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36510
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Andy
All those who agree, say aye All those opposed -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36511
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Jim
I don't think we need opposed.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36512
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Michael
You've changed, man.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36513
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Dwight
Oh, why, because I have a shot at a $100k commission?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36514
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Michael
Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36515
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Dwight
Hey. There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36516
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Michael
No, I'm talking about your personality, Dwight.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36517
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Dwight
When I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And I had an offer from Ivan Schartsky. The Ivan Schartsky. And if I'd assistant managed him -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36518
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Michael
Assistant to the managed him -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36519
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Dwight
Oh, that's low! I would be number two right now at Home Depot!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36520
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36521
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Dwight
Okay? Because they promote from within. Instead I had to follow you - you, going nowhere.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36522
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Michael
You think you would have done better without me? Really?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36523
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Dwight
I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36524
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Michael
Wow. Ohhhkay. Man. When I think about all the time I wasted being your friend - I shouldn't have been hanging out watching karate movies with you -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36525
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Dwight
Kung-fu movies!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36526
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Michael
You know what, I should have been doing? I should have been out at bars, finding my soul-mate, finding my wife, making babies -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36527
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Dwight
Nice babies you're making with the floozies at the bars.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36528
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Michael
That's my wife you're talking about, man.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36529
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Dwight
Your made-up wife? Who doesn't exist? You watch it!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36530
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Michael
If I wanted to hit you, I would have hit you.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36531
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Dwight
Don't do it
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36532
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Michael
No no. You just made an enemy with the wrong guy, Dwight. No, time out, time out. Time in!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36533
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Dwight
No!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36534
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Michael
Don't even think about that
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36535
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Dwight
Stop it, get out! That's my spool.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36536
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Phyllis
What's the least we can do to make this okay?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36537
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Jim
I'll text Pam. She's really good at this stuff.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36538
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Andy
And I'll text Erin. She's really good at this stuff too.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36539
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Phyllis
I guess we could give them some of our new commissions.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36540
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Stanley
That is a dangerous precedent.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36541
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Jim
Pam texted back saying we could give them all iPods.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36542
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Phyllis
Oh, if they don't have an iPod by now they really don't want one.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36543
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Jim
Alright. Then we're back to cash. And I got to say, if giving a small percentage of our commissions is going to smooth all this over, I'm for it.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36544
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Phyllis
Okay, fine. Cash it is.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36545
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Andy
Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches'.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36546
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Michael
Okay, Dwight. Here we go oh god.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36547
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Dwight
Oh
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36548
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Michael
We're never going to find those leads, are we?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36549
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Dwight
Wow. Amazing, isn't it. No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. But not like this.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36550
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Phyllis
So how about, guys, one percent commission a month instead of two, what do you -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36551
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Jim
No, we agreed, two percent for the quarter. Okay Hey everybody!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36552
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Meredith
Nice spread. We get it. You eat like royalty.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36553
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Jim
No, no - this is a representation of how we feel. And how we feel is: really sorry.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36554
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Andy
Yeah. We wanted to bring you in and make a peace offering.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36555
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Phyllis
Yeah, we wanted to do the right thing. So...
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36556
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Oscar
Way to go, guys. This was an integrity move.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36557
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Kevin
Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36558
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Angela
Do you have any pastries without fruit?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36559
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Jim
Yes! We do. Eclairs.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36560
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Stanley
Well, you better be happy, taking two percent of our -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36561
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Jim
- two percent milk! What I forgot for the coffee.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36562
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Phyllis
Our treats, Stanley, they've accepted our simple offer of treats. Nothing more.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36563
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Stanley
This is - nice! All of us back together.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36564
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Michael
This Why would somebody throw that out?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36565
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Dwight
Hey You know who'd like this? Phyllis. Purple, much?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36566
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Michael
Yeah, she does - she loves purple. Does it stink?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36567
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Dwight
Yeah
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36568
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Michael
Know what would be a great picture here? Just this whole dump, and in the middle, one flower. That's it. And the caption would read:
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36569
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Dwight
Hope - grows.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36570
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Michael
In the dump.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36571
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Dwight
Woo hoo!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36572
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Stanley
Good news that you found our leads?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36573
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Michael
No! Better!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36574
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Dwight
We have an awesome bean bag chair that's perfect for the break room.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36575
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Phyllis
Yuck. I'm not going to sit on that disgusting seat.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36576
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Dwight
Yeah, damn right you're not. 'Cause it's for me and Michael only
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36577
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Andy
It's freezing out here.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36578
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Erin
Go on. I have warm blood.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36579
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Andy
Oh wow, thank you. You're the nicest person I've ever met.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36580