Every line from The Office season 6, episode 18, in script order. First aired March 18, 2010.
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Michael
Hey Jim, Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36300
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Jim
No.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36301
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Michael
Look at him. Look at him - t-shirt, jeans...
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36302
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Jim
Is he you?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36303
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Michael
I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36304
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Jim
Where did you take that?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36305
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Michael
In my condo complex.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36306
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Jim
Oh my God, that's right. I read in People magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in Scranton.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36307
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Michael
I am flipping out, man. I mean, you remember my idea for the fourth Pirates movie.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36308
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Jim
Sure. That they should do one.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36309
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Michael
Hey, Jim, Jim - where, where do I find the Black Pearl?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36310
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Jim
Who's that?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36311
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Michael
Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36312
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Jim
John Dillinger.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36313
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Michael
No. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36314
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Jim
Captain Crunch.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36315
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Michael
Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36316
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Jim
At the Yankees game. Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36317
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Michael
Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36318
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Jim
I had a little better reason to believe that... You're right. You're right. Well, you're not right, because Johnny Depp...
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36319
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Michael
I know, I know.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36320
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Jim
...in your condo complex.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36321
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Michael
I know! It also explains why the name on his mailbox was M Shulman.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36322
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Jim
M. Night Shulman?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36323
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Michael
First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost, so please, try not to lose anything until we find it. Ah, pet day. If you don't have a pet, please don't feel like -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36324
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Stanley
When are we getting to sales topics?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36325
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Dwight
Yeah, what about those leads? Did you hear anything from corporate?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36326
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Michael
Ah, yes, the leads. The leads that Sabre has spent $50,000 to get from a market research company... are not here yet. But will be.. No, no, meeting's not over.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36327
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Phyllis
But is there anything relevant to the sales staff here?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36328
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Michael
No sales topic per se.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36329
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Andy
Well then no Andy Bernard per se.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36330
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Michael
Dwight?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36331
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Dwight
Sorry, Michael, I got calls to make.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36332
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Michael
I would like your undivided attention, please.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36333
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Dwight
You couldn't handle my undivided attention.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36334
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Michael
Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36335
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Dwight
Listen, Michael - about what happened earlier.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36336
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36337
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Dwight
When I was asking about the leads.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36338
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Michael
M-hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36339
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Dwight
... is there any news on the leads?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36340
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Michael
Is that all you have to say to me?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36341
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Dwight
Yeah. You got any news on the leads? ... Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going out on a very important sales call. You get any news about the leads, you try me. All of my numbers. All six of my numbers, okay? Including the car phone! Alright, Dwight out!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36342
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Dwight
Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well. What does that say to you about how I think of myself?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36343
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Angela
Hm-hm. Do you not answer e-mails anymore? Because I've e-mailed you four times asking you to come to my desk.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36344
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Phyllis
Honey, if I don't have time to answer an e-mail, I definitely don't have time to walk over to your desk.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36345
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Michael
Wow, wowie wowie. Congratulations. It's a big cheque.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36346
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Jim
Oh, sorry, wait one second.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36347
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Michael
Stop sexting Pam. I'm trying to congratulate you.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36348
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Jim
This is actually a big potential sale, so...
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36349
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Michael
You writing your memoirs over there?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36350
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Jim
You writing your name over there?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36351
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Michael
Well, it's a pretty big check.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36352
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Jim
That's good. You know, with the kid.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36353
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Michael
Okay. Don't gloat. Here's the thing. This kind of money can corrupt people.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36354
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Jim
Alright, here we go. Michael...
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36355
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Michael
I'm just saying, that -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36356
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Jim
Michael - Great.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36357
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Andy
Very nice. Let me just, let me just write that down real quick. Pencil? Can you give me that pencil? Hang on Teddy... I'm making a sale. Sales.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36358
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Darryl
There's other pencil's in this office.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36359
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Andy
Give me that
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36360
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Michael
Honey and jelly sandwich time.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36361
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Darryl
Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36362
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Michael
Oh, you got to be kidding me. Look at that. That's -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36363
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Darryl
I know who did that.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36364
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Michael
You saw who did this and you didn't stop them?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36365
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Darryl
Didn't have to see. It was sales. I can feel it. They are out of control.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36366
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Michael
The sales department smashed my sandwich.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36367
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Darryl
Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy. Listen to me, Mike, you gotta do something about them.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36368
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Michael
You don't get it.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36369
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Darryl
You need to get back on top.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36370
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Michael
That's what she said.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36371
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Darryl
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36372
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36373
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Erin
Something came for you, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36374
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Michael
Thank you very much.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36375
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Jim
What'd you get?
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36376
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Michael
Ah, just the stupid leads.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36377
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Jim
Alright!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36378
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Stanley
About time.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36379
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Andy
Me likey!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36380
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Phyllis
Finally, Michael. Hand 'em over, numbnuts. But seriously. It's your job to give us those leads.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36381
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Michael
Alright. Then I guess I should give them out. Hold on. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I have something that you want. You guys are acting like you own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place. It's a rental. I'm kind of sick of the attitude around here. I'm sick of the cocky walk, I am sick of you throwing your paycheck in my face, I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim... I think I am not going to give these to you.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36382
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Stanley
We need those leads, Michael. It's our job Michael. Michael!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36383
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Gabe
Michael, we spent a lot of money on those leads. You have to give them out.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36384
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Michael
Then we are just rewarding their bad behaviour. Okay. Just - imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice-cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice-cream cone.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36385
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Gabe
Michael, I don't want to incentivise murder. But - we've tried to make it clear that our policy emphasises sales staff -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36386
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Michael
They act like I have no power.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36387
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Gabe
But you do. You are in charge -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36388
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36389
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Gabe
- of supporting the sales staff. You are required to hand out those leads, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36390
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Michael
Hmm. Well, if that is what I am required to do, I will do exactly that.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36391
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Gabe
Okay, good.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36392
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Michael
Exactly that.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36393
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Gabe
Good.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36394
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Michael
Exactly that.
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36395
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Gabe
Why do you keep repeating -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36396
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Michael
Hello. May I have everyone's attention, please? Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads, so I'm going to give the leads to... King Creed!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36397
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Phyllis
What are you -
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36398
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Michael
- and to King Meredith!
Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36399