Every line from The Office season 6, episode 15, in script order. First aired February 11, 2010.
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Jo Bennett
That's right, darlin', now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook and my autobiography. Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces, I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company I've never heard of? Down in Tallahassee? Where is that? Near Mars?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35201
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Michael
No, we know. Texas!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35202
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Jo Bennett
Now Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach in all these small businesses all over the northeast. Now we're gonna take that arm, and we're gonna start selling printers.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35203
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Michael
I could manage my way around that.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35204
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Jo Bennett
They're the easiest-to-use printers on the market.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35205
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Michael
I will try to manage my excitement!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35206
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Michael
I have been saying the word 'manager' a lot, so whenever Jo thinks 'manager' she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vise-versa.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35207
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Jo Bennett
I think that's it. So we're all good! Thanks ya'll.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35208
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Dwight
I, uh...
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35209
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Kelly
Oh my God.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35210
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Kelly
I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. But, I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35211
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Pam
So, check this out. According to the handbook, you could make more money as a salesman than as a manager. They have all these incentive programs. I ran your numbers from last year.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35212
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Jim
This is way more than I make now.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35213
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Jim
I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I'm definitely in it for the money. And quite honestly, the women.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35214
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Jim
Hey, you got a second?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35215
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Michael
Sure. You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager and that you are sorry for being such a jerk?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35216
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Jim
Actually, yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35217
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Michael
What?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35218
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Jim
Exactly that. I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35219
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Michael
What? Really?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35220
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Jim
Yeah!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35221
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Michael
Wow!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35222
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Michael
La la la, hello Oscar!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35223
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Oscar
Michael. Reading.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35224
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Michael
What are you reading?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35225
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Oscar
The Atlantic.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35226
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Michael
Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now. No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35227
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Oscar
I should step into sales myself.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35228
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Michael
Why, is there an untapped gay market?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35229
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Oscar
Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35230
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Michael
...Where did you get that information.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35231
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Oscar
Manual.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35232
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Michael
Manuel who?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35233
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Michael
Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35234
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Michael
Son of a bitch. Pardon me.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35235
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Jo Bennett
Oh, speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. Have a seat!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35236
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35237
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Jo Bennett
Now Jim here is thinking about taking himself out of the running for being manager.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35238
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Michael
Really? Aw, that is so sweet of you! But, I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, and I think I wanna go back to sales.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35239
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Jo Bennett
Really?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35240
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Jim
Really.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35241
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Michael
Yeah. You can take the man out of the salesman, but you can't take the sales out of salesman.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35242
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Jo Bennett
Well, I think you're both being a little too modest.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35243
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Jim
No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager for so many reasons.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35244
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Michael
No, I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office, and I would sexually harass people.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35245
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Jim
Why would you do that?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35246
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Michael
I'm turning myself in right now!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35247
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Jo Bennett
You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, so I'm gonna defer to your judgment.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35248
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35249
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Jo Bennett
I think you will become the salesman, and congratulations! You're gonna be the new manager of this branch!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35250
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Michael
Great! That's great. Congratulations. Have fun signing my commission checks, boss.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35251
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Pam
Oh, Michael marked his heights. He's grown!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35252
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Jim
Mm!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35253
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Dwight
Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. 89... 88...
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35254
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Dwight
You're twenty minutes late!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35255
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Ryan
Um, I was at another dumpster!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35256
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Dwight
Just admit you lost track of time.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35257
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Dwight
Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. Ryan is always late for our meetings. I wish I had a lair.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35258
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Ryan
Did you see Saw?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35259
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Dwight
Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35260
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Ryan
No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35261
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Dwight
Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35262
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Ryan
Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35263
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Dwight
I like where you're going with this. Continue.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35264
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Ryan
Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35265
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Dwight
I have an old barn!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35266
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Ryan
Yes!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35267
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Dwight
It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35268
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Ryan
We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. I have a mask...
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35269
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Dwight
Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35270
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Ryan
Well suggest something else then! Don't just...
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35271
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Dwight
He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35272
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Ryan
Don't just criticize my idea!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35273
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Dwight
Think!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35274
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Ryan
You think of something then!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35275
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Erin
Michael, I'm worried that, uh, not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35276
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Michael
How is that possible?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35277
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Erin
Well, in your old office there were all those ledges and extra space.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35278
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Michael
No excuses Erin, come on! Make it happen.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35279
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Erin
You know, I actually think I should get back to work. Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35280
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Michael
Oh, yeah. Fine, fine. Leave it here. I have to make some sales anyway. Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? Michael Scott, head of sales.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35281
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Jim
You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35282
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Dwight
The new IT guy. Nick.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35283
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Ryan
Nick.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35284
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Dwight
I think he is the key. He's very trusting, he's looking for friends, he has been given an awesome amount of power, and does not know how to wield it.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35285
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Ryan
Like Frodo!
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35286
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Dwight
Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay dumb jock?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35287
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Ryan
Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35288
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Dwight
Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35289
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Dwight
I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35290
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Erin
Who's hungry?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35291
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Jim
What is that?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35292
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Erin
It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say 'Who's hungry?'
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35293
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Jim
Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35294
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Erin
Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35295
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Jim
Why would I wanna do that?
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35296
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Erin
It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35297
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Jim
For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here...
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35298
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Erin
Oh sure.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35299
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Jim
Yeah. Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35300