Every line from The Office season 6, episode 11, in script order. First aired December 3, 2009.
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Andy
You wanted to see me?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34107
-
Michael
Yeah, Have a seat.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34108
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Andy
Is it serious? Wow. Andy's a wittle scared.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34109
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Michael
Okay, right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34110
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Andy
Why would people say that?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34111
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Michael
I have it on good authority that you said the following. Can you read that back to me?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34112
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Andy
Andy have a boo-boo tummy.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34113
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Michael
Mmm-hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34114
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Andy
Would you rather me say 'Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34115
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34116
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Andy
Crazy diarrhea happening right now?' Cause things can get real adult real fast.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34117
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Michael
You are also on record as saying 'wittle-ittle,' 'footy-wutties,' 'nummies,' 'jammies,' 'make boom-boom,' 'widiculous,' and 'wode iwand.'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34118
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Andy
Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34119
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Michael
You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34120
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Andy
Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34121
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Michael
Okay, who said that?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34122
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Andy
I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34123
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Michael
Well, thank you... thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34124
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Andy
Tank you Mr. Elwis.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34125
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Michael
You're welcome, baby.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34126
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Andy
Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34127
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Jim
Wait, are you the patient or the doctor?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34128
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Andy
The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34129
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Jim
Wow, what do you put our chances at?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34130
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Andy
0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat!
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34131
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Jim
Hmm, sounds risky.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34132
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Andy
Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34133
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Andy
Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34134
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Jim
Wow, that's not such a bad idea.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34135
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Andy
Great!
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34136
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Jim
Anything else?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34137
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Andy
Nope!
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34138
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Erin
Frankie's Dirty Joke of the Day? There's a bunch of those.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34139
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Michael
Keep.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34140
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Erin
There's a bunch of Sent e-mails that jusy say 'Delivered.' Should I delete all of those?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34141
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Michael
I want to keep those so I can see what I sent.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34142
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Erin
That's why you have a 'Sent Mail' folder.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34143
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Michael
Keep.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34144
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Erin
There's about 30 news alerts for 'Nip Slip.'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34145
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Michael
For what?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34146
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Erin
Nip slip.'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34147
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Michael
Oh okay. I don't know how those got on there...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34148
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Erin
Well...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34149
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Michael
Must be hackers.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34150
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Jim
Hey. What's up?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34151
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Michael
What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever, would you still want to be my friend?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34152
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Jim
Did you murder someone?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34153
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Michael
Worse than that.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34154
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Erin
Oh, my God.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34155
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Michael
Lurk much? I miss Pam.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34156
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Jim
I think she's okay.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34157
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Michael
Is that what we're going for now? 'okay?' We used to go for 'pretty good.'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34158
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Jim
Great. Hey, how do you feel about starting an Employee of the Month program?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34159
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Michael
Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34160
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Jim
You're not in it at all, because you can't be employee of the month, you're a manager.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34161
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Michael
Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities, but I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34162
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Jim
It would look bad. Sorry.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34163
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Michael
It would look good, on my mantle.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34164
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Andy
Jim's talking to Michael right now. They totally went for our idea!
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34165
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Dwight
Yeah! Your idea.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34166
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Dwight
My idea. I just need Andy to think it's his idea. So it won't get traced back to me. In approximately six hours, Jim will get a phone call from David Wallace. He will be fired.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34167
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Erin
Hey Pam, do you have a sec to check over this inventory?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34168
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Pam
Looks great.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34169
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Erin
Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34170
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Pam
Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34171
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Michael
There you are. I don't think we have finished with my Inbox.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34172
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Phyllis
What's 'Scott's Tots?'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34173
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Stanley
Has it really been ten years?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34174
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Stanley
'Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34175
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Pam
Michael, why did you promise that?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34176
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Michael
To change lives.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34177
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Pam
No Michael, why would you promise that?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34178
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Michael
Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34179
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Erin
We've already rescheduled seven times.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34180
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Pam
Michael, this is a terrible terrible thing you've done.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34181
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Michael
Well...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34182
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Pam
It's terrible.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34183
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Michael
No.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34184
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Pam
Just terrible. And the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to get.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34185
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Michael
I just, I fell in love with those kids. and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system, so I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34186
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Michael
Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34187
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Pam
No!
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34188
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Michael
I'm not a bad person, I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. Okay, all right.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34189
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Pam
You have to tell them.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34190
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Michael
Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34191
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Erin
I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34192
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Pam
It's fine. Erin, you're going to go. And you're going to make sure Michael tells the truth.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34193
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Michael
Agh, God, you know what, could this day get any worse?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34194
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Dwight
Hey Jimmy, what's up?
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34195
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Jim
Not much.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34196
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Dwight
Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34197
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Jim
Thanks Dwight.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34198
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Dwight
That laugh is so infectious.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34199
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Jim
You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34200
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Dwight
I didn't mean any of those things I just said. And you can expect the same from everyone in this office if you don't nip this whole Employee of the Month situation in the bud. Make it about the work.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34201
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Jim
Let me guess, you think you should get it.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34202
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Dwight
This encompasses all available data. Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. Everyone has been assigned a random number for total fairness and transparency. Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34203
-
Jim
Well, in an ideal world...
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34204
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Dwight
In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34205
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Jim
Okay, if it's all the same to you, I'm just going to take away 'Survival Skills' and 'Self-defense.'
Season 6 · Episode 11 · Line 34206