Every line from The Office season 5, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 20, 2008.
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Dwight
Okay, fireable offenses include: workplace violence and sexual harassment.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25347
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Michael
That's it, that's it, perfect. We will get him to hit on somebody, and then we will catch him in the act.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25348
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Dwight
I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25349
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Michael
Mm. Me too. Okay, let's get this started.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25350
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Dwight
Okay
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25351
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Michael
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25352
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Dwight
I am the bait.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25353
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Michael
For what?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25354
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Dwight
Men find me desirable.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25355
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Michael
No, no, no.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25356
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Dwight
Oh, it's a good day too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25357
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Michael
You're the bait for Toby?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25358
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Dwight
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25359
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Michael
No, for one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait it would be Jim. Or Ryan. Or me.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25360
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Dwight
Men find me desirable.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25361
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Michael
Yes, sure they do, Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25362
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Pam
When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. I should have written that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25363
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Jim
Mmhmm, yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25364
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Pam
Why aren't you as mad or interested in this as me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25365
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Jim
Oh totally. Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25366
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Pam
Are you inching away from me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25367
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Jim
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25368
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Pam
Reach your arms out.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25369
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Jim
I'm always this close.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25370
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Michael
Pamtown lady sing this song, doo-dah doo-dah. Hello, Pam. Jim may I have a moment with Pam please.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25371
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Jim
Yes, I just have to take this call anyway so...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25372
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Michael
Oh, oooh his mistress. No. I'm kidding. No one would ever cheat on you; you are the complete package, Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25373
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Pam
What do you need, Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25374
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Michael
Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note, and deliver it to Toby Flenderson? I just want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. Do not read it beforehand. Can you do that for me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25375
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Michael
Good. N-no no no, don't.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25376
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Pam
Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle. I'm too shy to tell you that I love you.'
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25377
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Michael
Pam. Pam, you gave me your word.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25378
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Ryan
You did that for me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25379
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Kelly
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25380
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Ryan
Are you happy you did?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25381
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Toby
Hey guys that's really inappropriate.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25382
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Ryan
What's up?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25383
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Michael
Um, I got some photos from Costa Rica if you want to see them?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25384
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Ryan
Yeah, yeah I'll see them.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25385
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Michael
Toby can I see those? Ooh. What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25386
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Dwight
Those are fighting words.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25387
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Michael
You mad? You mad at me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25388
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Dwight
I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25389
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Michael
Do you want to do that? You want to hit me, you want to punch me?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25390
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Dwight
Hmmm?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25391
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Michael
Huh? He might do it...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25392
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Kelly
Punch him, Toby!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25393
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Michael
I dare you to. Come on.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25394
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Dwight
Come on. Baaah!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25395
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Michael
What's the matter... haaaww!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25396
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Dwight
Hit him! Hit him, Chicken.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25397
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Ryan
Yeah, punch him.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25398
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Michael
Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25399
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Dwight
Ryan. Come on, man?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25400
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Michael
No do it, do it. I dare you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25401
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Dwight
Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25402
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Michael
Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25403
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Toby
I'm not going to punch you, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25404
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Dwight
Are you really not going to punch him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25405
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Toby
No, why would I punch you?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25406
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Michael
Son of a bitch.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25407
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Ryan
You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25408
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Dwight
I thought you were going to parcel those out through the day
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25409
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Michael
Just stop it. You haven't done anything helpful all day.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25410
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Dwight
There's still one thing we could do to get Toby fired.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25411
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Michael
What's that?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25412
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Dwight
Frame him, for using drugs.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25413
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Michael
Frame him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25414
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Dwight
Yeah, it's illegal, but... everything they do on The Shield is illegal.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25415
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Michael
I've never framed a man before, have you?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25416
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Dwight
Oh I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25417
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Michael
Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes the ends justify the mean.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25418
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Michael
Hello. I've seen you guys around. I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. How you doing? Uhghh, so I guess you know why I'm here? I need to purchase something.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25419
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
A fridge?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25420
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Michael
No. Uh, I wanted--- I wanted to buy some weed? Some...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25421
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
What?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25422
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Michael
Grass, weed?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25423
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Leo
What makes you think we'd have weed?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25424
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Michael
I heard you drug--- I heard you dealt.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25425
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
Hey, just hold on one second.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25426
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Michael
I'm not wearing a wire, so...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25427
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Leo
Why would you even say that?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25428
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
Hey, that's gonna be 500 dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25429
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Michael
How much? How many pounds is it?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25430
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
It's- it's two pounds. I'm losing money on this man just, give me the money. Alright, walk away.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25431
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Leo
Walk away.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25432
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Vance Refrigeration Guy
Walk away.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25433
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Ryan
Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know; I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25434
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25435
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Ryan
I was just back there, to make some cup-o-soup; the thing is still a huge mess.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25436
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Pam
I know, can you believe it?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25437
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Ryan
Yeah, it's crazy. But, I guess the thing is at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get there and clean it up.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25438
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Pam
I guess that's why we have a temp, huh?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25439
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Ryan
Ah ha ha, oh no, trust me. I would just make it worse.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25440
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Pam
How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25441
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Ryan
I--- I would find a way.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25442
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Pam
You've seen things cleaned before though, right?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25443
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Ryan
I--- Pam, I am hopeless at that stuff I... I, uh...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25444
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Kelly
Hi, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25445
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. I forgot... I forgot...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25446