Every line from The Office season 5, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 20, 2008.
-
Angela
Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25247
-
Kevin
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25248
-
Dwight
Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerkie.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25249
-
Jim
So why did you come in here?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25250
-
Dwight
To socialize. And inform.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25251
-
Michael
Oh brownies! I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on, much healthier.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25252
-
Ryan
You're taking two?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25253
-
Kelly
Yeah, um, but one of them is for Toby.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25254
-
Michael
Yeah why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25255
-
Kelly
Um, I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25256
-
Michael
Heh, okay, weirdo.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25257
-
Jim
Why is that, why is that weird?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25258
-
Michael
She said she was going to give it to him right now.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25259
-
Jim
She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25260
-
Michael
Yeah, they used to.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25261
-
Jim
Toby works here again.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25262
-
Michael
Oh, can you imagine?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25263
-
Jim
Oh no.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25264
-
Michael
Uhhgh.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25265
-
Jim
You don't know.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25266
-
Michael
I don't know. What?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25267
-
Jim
You should probably just meander back there; take a look. See if he's, see if he's back.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25268
-
Michael
Hmmm, dare I? You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25269
-
Toby
Hi, Micha-
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25270
-
Michael
NOOOO! GOD! No, God, please no! No! No! NOOO!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25271
-
Michael
Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid... tan. No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25272
-
Dwight
He looks great.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25273
-
Michael
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25274
-
Dwight
Well rested.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25275
-
Michael
He looks worse.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25276
-
David
Michael, is everyone okay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25277
-
Michael
Uh, well I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson, of H.R., has made a sudden reappearance.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25278
-
David
I don't understand, is anyone hurt?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25279
-
Michael
Not on the surface, no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25280
-
David
Michael, you texted me, 911 CALL ME.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25281
-
Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25282
-
David
All in caps. Do you know what 911 means?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25283
-
Michael
I learned a while back that if I don't text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25284
-
David
Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire a week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25285
-
Michael
I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25286
-
Dwight
Also, it's icky back there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25287
-
Michael
That's true. People say it's icky.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25288
-
David
Okay, I have to go.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25289
-
Michael
David, wait.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25290
-
David
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25291
-
Michael
Is there no way we can get rid of him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25292
-
David
Not without cause, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25293
-
Michael
I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25294
-
David
You have to get along with Toby.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25295
-
Michael
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25296
-
David
Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25297
-
Michael
I don't.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25298
-
David
Goodbye, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25299
-
Michael
Don't do that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25300
-
Pam
Oh, come on! Do you see this? Disgusting.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25301
-
Andy
So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25302
-
Jim
Yeah, I am. Wait, how do you know that? I didn't tell you that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25303
-
Andy
Ehhh no, I was just walking by your desk. I saw some email. I got peepers of an eagle.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25304
-
Jim
That's really not cool.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25305
-
Andy
Kaaw!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25306
-
Kevin
So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25307
-
Jim
Yeah, I guess technically Kev, you're right.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25308
-
Jim
Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parent's house, the house I grew up in and yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean you can't blame my parents it was the 70's. And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling? And a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building. She's gonna love it. Right?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25309
-
Jim
Could you guys all do me a favor and not talk about this until I tell Pam?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25310
-
Andy
Whoa, you haven't told the misses about the castle? You're in for a spanking my friend. Myself and my lady? - no secrets.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25311
-
Phyllis
Jim, don't listen to Andy. I think it's so romantic.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25312
-
Jim
Oh thanks, Phyllis.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25313
-
Phyllis
Where's your place?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25314
-
Jim
Oh, it's on uh Linden Ave? By the quarry?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25315
-
Phyllis
Ohhh...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25316
-
Creed
Cool beans, man, I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25317
-
Jim
Definitely we should.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25318
-
Oscar
'To whoever made the microwave mess: the microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed.'
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25319
-
Andy
That is just obnoxious.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25320
-
Oscar
No kidding.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25321
-
Pam
Yeah. Wait, what, the mess or the note?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25322
-
Oscar
The note. So 'holier than thou'.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25323
-
Angela
Hmm, I liked it.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25324
-
Pam
Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25325
-
Andy
No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25326
-
Meredith
Sincerely, disappointed? Get off your high horse, Richie.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25327
-
Pam
Just because someone likes things clean, doesn't mean they're rich.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25328
-
Meredith
Yeh, they're rich.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25329
-
Michael
You want to see some really high caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. Hey Toby, great to have you back, man. Seriously, just a, just a real pleasure to see you again.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25330
-
Toby
Well thanks Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25331
-
Michael
You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25332
-
Toby
Well that's sweet, I missed you guys too.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25333
-
Michael
So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25334
-
Toby
Well, um, it was amazing. It really was, thanks for asking. Um the beaches were pristine...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25335
-
Michael
Nice beaches, pristine beaches?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25336
-
Toby
...and, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly cathartic.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25337
-
Michael
Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25338
-
Toby
It was actually kind of hard to meet people I found.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25339
-
Michael
I bet, for you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25340
-
Toby
And uh, yeah, plus it was hot.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25341
-
Michael
Shhh hot, why didn't you get an air-condition--- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25342
-
Toby
Are you all right, Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25343
-
Michael
Yeah, I am. I am.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25344
-
Michael
I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Sream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then, the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25345
-
Michael
Okay, just summarize.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25346