Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 8, in script order. First aired November 20, 2008.
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Angela
Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25247
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Kevin
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25248
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Dwight
Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerkie.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25249
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Jim
So why did you come in here?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25250
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Dwight
To socialize. And inform.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25251
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Michael
Oh brownies! I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on, much healthier.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25252
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Ryan
You're taking two?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25253
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Kelly
Yeah, um, but one of them is for Toby.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25254
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Michael
Yeah why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25255
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Kelly
Um, I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25256
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Michael
Heh, okay, weirdo.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25257
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Jim
Why is that, why is that weird?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25258
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Michael
She said she was going to give it to him right now.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25259
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Jim
She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25260
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Michael
Yeah, they used to.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25261
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Jim
Toby works here again.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25262
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Michael
Oh, can you imagine?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25263
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Jim
Oh no.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25264
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Michael
Uhhgh.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25265
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Jim
You don't know.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25266
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Michael
I don't know. What?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25267
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Jim
You should probably just meander back there; take a look. See if he's, see if he's back.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25268
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Michael
Hmmm, dare I? You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25269
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Toby
Hi, Micha-
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25270
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Michael
NOOOO! GOD! No, God, please no! No! No! NOOO!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25271
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Michael
Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid... tan. No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25272
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Dwight
He looks great.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25273
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Michael
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25274
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Dwight
Well rested.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25275
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Michael
He looks worse.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25276
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David
Michael, is everyone okay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25277
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Michael
Uh, well I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson, of H.R., has made a sudden reappearance.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25278
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David
I don't understand, is anyone hurt?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25279
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Michael
Not on the surface, no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25280
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David
Michael, you texted me, 911 CALL ME.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25281
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25282
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David
All in caps. Do you know what 911 means?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25283
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Michael
I learned a while back that if I don't text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25284
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David
Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire a week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25285
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Michael
I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25286
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Dwight
Also, it's icky back there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25287
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Michael
That's true. People say it's icky.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25288
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David
Okay, I have to go.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25289
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Michael
David, wait.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25290
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David
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25291
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Michael
Is there no way we can get rid of him?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25292
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David
Not without cause, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25293
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Michael
I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25294
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David
You have to get along with Toby.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25295
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Michael
No.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25296
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David
Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25297
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Michael
I don't.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25298
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David
Goodbye, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25299
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Michael
Don't do that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25300
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Pam
Oh, come on! Do you see this? Disgusting.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25301
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Andy
So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25302
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Jim
Yeah, I am. Wait, how do you know that? I didn't tell you that.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25303
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Andy
Ehhh no, I was just walking by your desk. I saw some email. I got peepers of an eagle.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25304
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Jim
That's really not cool.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25305
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Andy
Kaaw!
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25306
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Kevin
So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25307
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Jim
Yeah, I guess technically Kev, you're right.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25308
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Jim
Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parent's house, the house I grew up in and yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean you can't blame my parents it was the 70's. And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling? And a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building. She's gonna love it. Right?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25309
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Jim
Could you guys all do me a favor and not talk about this until I tell Pam?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25310
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Andy
Whoa, you haven't told the misses about the castle? You're in for a spanking my friend. Myself and my lady? - no secrets.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25311
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Phyllis
Jim, don't listen to Andy. I think it's so romantic.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25312
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Jim
Oh thanks, Phyllis.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25313
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Phyllis
Where's your place?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25314
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Jim
Oh, it's on uh Linden Ave? By the quarry?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25315
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Phyllis
Ohhh...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25316
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Creed
Cool beans, man, I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25317
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Jim
Definitely we should.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25318
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Oscar
'To whoever made the microwave mess: the microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed.'
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25319
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Andy
That is just obnoxious.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25320
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Oscar
No kidding.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25321
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Pam
Yeah. Wait, what, the mess or the note?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25322
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Oscar
The note. So 'holier than thou'.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25323
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Angela
Hmm, I liked it.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25324
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Pam
Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25325
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Andy
No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25326
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Meredith
Sincerely, disappointed? Get off your high horse, Richie.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25327
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Pam
Just because someone likes things clean, doesn't mean they're rich.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25328
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Meredith
Yeh, they're rich.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25329
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Michael
You want to see some really high caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. Hey Toby, great to have you back, man. Seriously, just a, just a real pleasure to see you again.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25330
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Toby
Well thanks Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25331
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Michael
You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25332
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Toby
Well that's sweet, I missed you guys too.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25333
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Michael
So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25334
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Toby
Well, um, it was amazing. It really was, thanks for asking. Um the beaches were pristine...
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25335
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Michael
Nice beaches, pristine beaches?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25336
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Toby
...and, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly cathartic.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25337
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Michael
Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25338
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Toby
It was actually kind of hard to meet people I found.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25339
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Michael
I bet, for you.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25340
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Toby
And uh, yeah, plus it was hot.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25341
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Michael
Shhh hot, why didn't you get an air-condition--- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25342
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Toby
Are you all right, Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25343
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Michael
Yeah, I am. I am.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25344
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Michael
I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Sream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then, the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25345
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Michael
Okay, just summarize.
Season 5 · Episode 8 · Quote 25346