Every line from The Office season 5, episode 2, in script order. First aired October 9, 2008.
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Michael
How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, 'I told you so.' Gently with a rose? In a funny way, like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go, because saying it would just make things worse? ... Probably the funny way.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23383
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Holly
Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23384
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Andy
No way, lady.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23385
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Kevin
It's a trap.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23386
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Holly
Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23387
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Meredith
Don't sign anything.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23388
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Michael
Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23389
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Stanley
It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23390
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Michael
Get in there right now or I'm gonna lose it!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23391
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Meredith
Am I getting fired?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23392
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Michael
Now is really not the time, Meredith.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23393
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Holly
In this next section we examine the difference between sick days and personal days. Sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you form doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. Personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23394
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Phyllis
Thank you, Meredith, this was delicious.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23395
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Meredith
Hey, where is the steak sauce?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23396
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Kevin
I think we're out.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23397
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Meredith
I got some in my minivan somewhere.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23398
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Andy
Wait a second, how does the steak factor in again?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23399
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Kevin
I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23400
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Phyllis
I don't care what she's doing. I just hope she keeps doing it.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23401
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Stanley
Amen. Just keep the ribs coming.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23402
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Holly
Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that there seems to be some confusion about.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23403
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Oscar
That's a big ethical area?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23404
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Oscar
Listen, I would love to have an honest conversation with management about ethics. Why isn't the company doing better? Mmm... it could be the pad of Post-its I took home last week. Or it could be the twelve million dollars in deferred compensation in stock options they paid the CEO for a year of substandard performance. I'm sure we'll cover both in the seminar.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23405
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Creed
I've done some things I'm not proud of. Committed some atrocities in Vietnam, uh, two years ago. Princess Cruise Lines.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23406
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Phyllis
During our honeymoon safari in Africa, Bob and I were driving late at night, and he'd been drinking, and suddenly thump. We hit something with our jeep. It was probably a man. We didn't know what to do. We heard the police were corrupt and they might beat us, so we just kept driving as fast as we could. We bribed the airline, got on a plane that night, and fled home. Maybe it was just an ostrich. In a soccer uniform.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23407
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Holly
Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the work place?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23408
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Michael
Let's keep this rollin'... Ryan?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23409
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Jim
Oh, but you mean other than embezzling?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23410
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Ryan
Fraud, Jim, Fraud.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23411
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Jim
Fraud.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23412
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Ryan
Sure, last year you guys were riding me really hard for the website and I just peeled out my Z3 and I knocked the mirror off somebody's car. I never said a thing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23413
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Kevin
Wait, what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23414
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Kevin
You knocked the mirror off of my car.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23415
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Ryan
Yeah, isn't that messed up?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23416
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Kevin
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23417
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Ryan
That guy did a lot of things I'm not proud of.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23418
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Kevin
Wait, when you say 'that guy', you mean you?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23419
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Ryan
I mean the guy I used to be. I'm Ryan 2.0 and if it makes you feel any better, that guy did a lot of messed up stuff to me too.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23420
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Kevin
No, you mean that you did a lot of messed up stuff to you... too?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23421
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Ryan
Look, I feel you okay? That guy took no responsibility for his actions.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23422
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Kevin
But are, are you gonna pay for my mirror?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23423
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Ryan
If I have to answer for everything that guy did... I'm never gonna move on.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23424
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Kevin
It was like two hundred dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23425
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Ryan
We're never going to get what need from that guy.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23426
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Ryan
Hey, anybody see a pair of sunglasses?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23427
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Kevin
Umm... I think I saw some in the kitchen. Oh! I didn't do that. That was Kevin 1.0, but he hurt a lot of people Ryan, and I can't accept responsibility for what he did.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23428
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Meredith
What are we gonna do?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23429
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Stanley
About what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23430
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Meredith
Holly. She's on the warpath. She is gunning for all our jobs. Do you guys have any dirt on her?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23431
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Phyllis
Mmm... sometimes her stockings have a run in them.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23432
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Meredith
No. Something I can blackmail her with.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23433
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Phyllis
One time I said good morning to her, and she didn't say it back.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23434
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Meredith
Stanley, didn't she say a bunch of racist stuff to you?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23435
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Stanley
No, that was you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23436
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Meredith
You weren't even in the room! Thanks for nothing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23437
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Meredith
Hey, how did it go?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23438
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Michael
Oh, cr..., oh, God. Meredith, you know what? I just need a minute, okay?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23439
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Meredith
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23440
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Michael
What do you need?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23441
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Meredith
I'm getting fired, aren't I? I can't get fired. I got nothing else. Nothing. No skill set. Can't type, bad on the phone, not great with people.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23442
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Michael
I... really want to keep you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23443
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Meredith
Where else am I gonna get another job that lets me come it at eleven and leave at four?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23444
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Michael
Wait, what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23445
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Meredith
I wish Toby was still here.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23446
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Michael
Nnnngah!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23447