Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 2, in script order. First aired October 9, 2008.
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Michael
How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, 'I told you so.' Gently with a rose? In a funny way, like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go, because saying it would just make things worse? ... Probably the funny way.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23383
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Holly
Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23384
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Andy
No way, lady.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23385
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Kevin
It's a trap.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23386
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Holly
Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23387
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Meredith
Don't sign anything.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23388
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Michael
Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23389
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Stanley
It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23390
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Michael
Get in there right now or I'm gonna lose it!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23391
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Meredith
Am I getting fired?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23392
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Michael
Now is really not the time, Meredith.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23393
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Holly
In this next section we examine the difference between sick days and personal days. Sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you form doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. Personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23394
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Phyllis
Thank you, Meredith, this was delicious.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23395
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Meredith
Hey, where is the steak sauce?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23396
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Kevin
I think we're out.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23397
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Meredith
I got some in my minivan somewhere.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23398
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Andy
Wait a second, how does the steak factor in again?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23399
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Kevin
I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23400
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Phyllis
I don't care what she's doing. I just hope she keeps doing it.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23401
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Stanley
Amen. Just keep the ribs coming.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23402
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Holly
Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that there seems to be some confusion about.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23403
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Oscar
That's a big ethical area?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23404
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Oscar
Listen, I would love to have an honest conversation with management about ethics. Why isn't the company doing better? Mmm... it could be the pad of Post-its I took home last week. Or it could be the twelve million dollars in deferred compensation in stock options they paid the CEO for a year of substandard performance. I'm sure we'll cover both in the seminar.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23405
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Creed
I've done some things I'm not proud of. Committed some atrocities in Vietnam, uh, two years ago. Princess Cruise Lines.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23406
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Phyllis
During our honeymoon safari in Africa, Bob and I were driving late at night, and he'd been drinking, and suddenly thump. We hit something with our jeep. It was probably a man. We didn't know what to do. We heard the police were corrupt and they might beat us, so we just kept driving as fast as we could. We bribed the airline, got on a plane that night, and fled home. Maybe it was just an ostrich. In a soccer uniform.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23407
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Holly
Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the work place?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23408
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Michael
Let's keep this rollin'... Ryan?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23409
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Jim
Oh, but you mean other than embezzling?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23410
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Ryan
Fraud, Jim, Fraud.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23411
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Jim
Fraud.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23412
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Ryan
Sure, last year you guys were riding me really hard for the website and I just peeled out my Z3 and I knocked the mirror off somebody's car. I never said a thing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23413
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Kevin
Wait, what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23414
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Kevin
You knocked the mirror off of my car.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23415
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Ryan
Yeah, isn't that messed up?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23416
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Kevin
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23417
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Ryan
That guy did a lot of things I'm not proud of.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23418
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Kevin
Wait, when you say 'that guy', you mean you?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23419
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Ryan
I mean the guy I used to be. I'm Ryan 2.0 and if it makes you feel any better, that guy did a lot of messed up stuff to me too.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23420
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Kevin
No, you mean that you did a lot of messed up stuff to you... too?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23421
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Ryan
Look, I feel you okay? That guy took no responsibility for his actions.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23422
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Kevin
But are, are you gonna pay for my mirror?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23423
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Ryan
If I have to answer for everything that guy did... I'm never gonna move on.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23424
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Kevin
It was like two hundred dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23425
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Ryan
We're never going to get what need from that guy.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23426
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Ryan
Hey, anybody see a pair of sunglasses?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23427
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Kevin
Umm... I think I saw some in the kitchen. Oh! I didn't do that. That was Kevin 1.0, but he hurt a lot of people Ryan, and I can't accept responsibility for what he did.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23428
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Meredith
What are we gonna do?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23429
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Stanley
About what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23430
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Meredith
Holly. She's on the warpath. She is gunning for all our jobs. Do you guys have any dirt on her?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23431
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Phyllis
Mmm... sometimes her stockings have a run in them.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23432
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Meredith
No. Something I can blackmail her with.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23433
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Phyllis
One time I said good morning to her, and she didn't say it back.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23434
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Meredith
Stanley, didn't she say a bunch of racist stuff to you?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23435
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Stanley
No, that was you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23436
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Meredith
You weren't even in the room! Thanks for nothing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23437
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Meredith
Hey, how did it go?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23438
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Michael
Oh, cr..., oh, God. Meredith, you know what? I just need a minute, okay?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23439
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Meredith
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23440
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Michael
What do you need?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23441
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Meredith
I'm getting fired, aren't I? I can't get fired. I got nothing else. Nothing. No skill set. Can't type, bad on the phone, not great with people.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23442
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Michael
I... really want to keep you.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23443
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Meredith
Where else am I gonna get another job that lets me come it at eleven and leave at four?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23444
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Michael
Wait, what?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23445
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Meredith
I wish Toby was still here.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23446
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Michael
Nnnngah!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23447