Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 2, in script order. First aired October 9, 2008.
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Pam
Well, I should go.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23183
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Jim
Alright. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23184
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Pam
No, don't. I'm mad at them.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23185
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Jim
Why, what happened?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23186
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Pam
Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23187
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Jim
Ah. That... they might be off the hook for because I... didn't tell them.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23188
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Pam
What? Why not?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23189
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Jim
I just didn't, you know, want a deal.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23190
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Pam
Come on, it won't be that bad.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23191
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Jim
OK. You know what? Here we go. Uh, everybody? I just want to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23192
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Pam
Hi everyone!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23193
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Oscar
I thought you were already engaged.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23194
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Jim
Nope.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23195
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Angela
That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23196
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Jim
Thank you Angela.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23197
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Kevin
I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23198
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Jim
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23199
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Andy
A little close to my engagement there Tuna, what's your game here?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23200
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Jim
To get married.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23201
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Dwight
She's not a virgin, you know.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23202
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Pam
Wow.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23203
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Michael
What's going on?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23204
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Pam
No, nothing. Nothing Michael! Just saying hi.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23205
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Creed
The tall guy got engaged.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23206
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Michael
To be married?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23207
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Jim
Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23208
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Pam
Sorry.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23209
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Holly
Pencils down! Just kidding, take your time.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23210
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Holly
Today is ethics day. After they finish their quiz I'm going to run my first ethics meeting here. It's gonna be insaaaaane. No, it's not. I have to read from the binder.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23211
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Dwight
I got it, I got it.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23212
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Michael & Holly
Let's get ethical! Ethical! I wanna get ethical! Let's get into Ethics yeah! Let me hear that Dunder Mifflin talk! Your body talk. Let me hear your body talk.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23213
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Michael
WOO! Alright!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23214
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Michael
Why are you helping her? You're not even dating.' She's my friend... and... ultimately my strategy is to merge this into a relationship... without her even knowing. Uh...
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23215
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Michael
Ok, let's give it for Miss... Holly Flaaaax!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23216
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Holly
Thanks Michael. Today we're going to have a business ethics seminar because recently, without mentioning any names, there has been some misconduct at corporate and we have a very strict ethics policy and that employee has been fired.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23217
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Kevin
Oh come on! He's right there. He was hired. Oh check it out, 'Hired Guy.'
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23218
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Jim
Nice.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23219
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Ryan
Ok, elephant in the room. Let's talk about it. Do I regret what I did? Of course I do. Even though it was an amazing ride, and I'll give you an example. Anyone see Survivor season six? Anyone know Joanna on that show? In New York City, I hooked up with a girl who looked exactly like that. Indistinguishable. So...
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23220
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Michael
Ok. Well done. Good speech Ryan, you're a good guy.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23221
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Holly
Let's start discussing those questionnaires that you filled in this morning. It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours. Now, some of you marked that you very strongly agree. But ideally you would have selected totally agree.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23222
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Phyllis
I thought very strongly agree sounded stronger than totally agree.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23223
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Holly
Corporate would like to emphasize that ideally you would all totally agree with that statement.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23224
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Michael
Well, I think we can all totally agree that Holly is totally fantastic.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23225
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Holly
Thank you. In fact, spending a half hour at the water cooler during work hours is a form of stealing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23226
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Kelly
What?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23227
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Holly
Yes, it's called time theft, and it's the same as taking money from the company. Can anyone think of examples of things that are over the line time wasters?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23228
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Stanley
This meeting.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23229
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Andy
Hey-oh!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23230
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23231
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Michael
Can't set 'em up like that.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23232
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Kelly
Why is ok for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I want to go outside and hang out once an hour, then I'll just take up smoking. I'll do it. I don't care.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23233
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Meredith
I'll smoke with you. I got a bag of cigars in my purse.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23234
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Holly
Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that there seems to be some confusion about.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23235
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Michael
Can we have a moment? Can I talk to you for a sec? Lot of good stuff. And you look... you look fantastic.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23236
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Dwight
Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23237
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23238
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Dwight
What should we be working on while you guys are talking?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23239
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Michael
Do some... do some work. People expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists. Surprise endings. You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23240
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Holly
Well, I just have to get through the binder.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23241
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Michael
Do you... just... you're kind of losing them.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23242
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Holly
I am?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23243
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Michael
Yeah, don't think about the stakes. It'll freak you out.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23244
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Holly
Ok. Michael makes a really good point so, uh, let's just open this up a little bit. Say my name is Lauren and here I am shopping in a supermarket and I steal a pencil. That's not right.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23245
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Michael
Lauren, enough with the pencils.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23246
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Holly
No, I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23247
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Oscar
That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23248
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Andy
I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? ... Boom!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23249
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Oscar
Exactly, Andy.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23250
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Andy
Yeah, I took intro to philosophy,
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23251
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Dwight
It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23252
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Andy
No that's... not how it works.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23253
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Michael
I would not... steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23254
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Holly
Ok, but we should get back to business. Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the workplace.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23255
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Michael
Anybody? This is a chance for you to say something without any repercussions. Stanley? Oscar, come on.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23256
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Oscar
Pass.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23257
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Michael
I will go first. When I discovered
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23258
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Holly
What was the dilemma?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23259
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Michael
To tell you or not. And I'm glad I did. I feel very very good. Cathartic. I promise you that you are not going to get into trouble. You can say anything you want with total and complete immunity.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23260
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Holly
Oh--- no no no.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23261
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Michael
Yeah,. Come on, anybody. Let it fly.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23262
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Oscar
Ok, once in a while I'll take a long lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23263
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Michael
A siesta!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23264
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Dwight
Time thief. Time thief! Fire him!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23265
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Jim
Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23266
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Dwight
Never!
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23267
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Michael
You are a thief of joy. Anybody else. Yeah?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23268
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Kelly
Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23269
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Michael
Who hasn't? Good. Good! What else?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23270
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Holly
No--- I, I'd like to hear more about that.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23271
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Michael
Mmm...
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23272
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Angela
I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23273
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Michael
Well, let's keep this party movin' on.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23274
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Meredith
I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Meyers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23275
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Michael
Bruuuuuuuuuce.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23276
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Meredith
Well for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23277
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Jim
Jackpot.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23278
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Michael
Ach! Wuh---
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23279
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Holly
Meredith, that is serious. I mean not only that a conflict of interests, there's also an exchange of goods.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23280
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Meredith
Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23281
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Michael
That's crazy. That's crazy talk! Meredith! The Merenator, sleepin' with suppliers! Hoo-ooh! Wow! What time we got? You know what? That's a good place to end it. Right there. This, I think, was a great ethics seminar. She has given us a lot of wonderful things to think about. Right... what is wrong. Who's to say? Really. In the end. I mean because it is... unknowable. But, let's give her a round of applause. Holly, everybody. Holly! Get back to work. Great job. I am truly impressed. That, uh, you really pulled that one out. Classic. Classic meeting. We should celebrate.
Season 5 · Episode 2 · Quote 23282