Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 26, in script order. First aired May 14, 2009.
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Woman
So what?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30611
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Dwight
Rule violation. Ball is ours. Give it to me. Our point. Okay. Hey, Pam, how ya doin? Hey, do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed? Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30612
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Pam
Back off, Dwight. Hyuh! What?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30613
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Pam
Maybe I played a little in junior high... and in high school... maybe a little in college... and went to volleyball camp most summers.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30614
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Pam
Hyuh! Well, look at that, we win!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30615
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Jim
Nice job, Beesly.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30616
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Dwight
Yes! We advance to the next round!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30617
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Phyllis
Oh, Lord in heaven.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30618
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Stanley
Had to be part of the group.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30619
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Michael
I brought some snacky snacks, in case we get hungry.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30620
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Holly
Ooh, yes please. Mmm. So what do you have planned for us today? Hmm?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30621
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Michael
What?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30622
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Holly
Do you have a script for the sketch, or...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30623
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Michael
Um, no, I just thought we'd wing it. That cool?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30624
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Holly
Crystal cool.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30625
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Dwight
Hit it Andy!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30626
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Andy
Bump! I bumped it!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30627
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Kevin
Set!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30628
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Dwight
Don't set it to yourself!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30629
-
Kevin
Yeah!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30630
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Phyllis
Ow, my ankle!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30631
-
Dwight
What happened?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30632
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Phyllis
I... twisted it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30633
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Dwight
You weren't even moving. Okay, sub!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30634
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Angela
I can play.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30635
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Rolph
Is there a... Meredith here?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30636
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Meredith
Yeah! Man in!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30637
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Angela
Rolph, did you not hear me?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30638
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Rolph
I don't hear cheaters, tramps, or women who break my friend's heart. Let's go!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30639
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Michael
We could do a movie... sort of thing.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30640
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Holly
We could do Back to the Future.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30641
-
Michael
Oh!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30642
-
Holly
We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time... fix their parents.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30643
-
Michael
Could we get a Delorean?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30644
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Holly
Jaws. They swim in the ocean and they terrorize the whole community.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30645
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Michael
Oh! Dun-der. Dun-der...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30646
-
Holly
Dun-der. Dun-der...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30647
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Michael
Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Blooo!!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30648
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Holly
Oh... We haven't found our great idea yet.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30649
-
Michael
No. No.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30650
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Holly
Oh.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30651
-
Michael
We're circling it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30652
-
Holly
Hmm...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30653
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David
Nicely done. We're still going to crush you though!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30654
-
Charles Miner
Yes we are!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30655
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Rolph
You suckers are goin down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30656
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Dwight
Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30657
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Rolph
It's true!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30658
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Toby
Ah, this reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30659
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Kendall
Oh yeah, with Bernie and Efrem. That was hilarious.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30660
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Toby
Really, really funny.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30661
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Kendall
Really funny.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30662
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Dwight
Listen guys, one more point and we play corporate.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30663
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Oscar
Settle down gentlemen.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30664
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Pam
Good game!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30665
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David
Welcome to the 43rd Annual Company Picnic, everybody. Thanks for being here. Now, a couple of employees have volunteered to entertain us with a song.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30666
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Michael
Uh, it's a sketch now.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30667
-
David
Okay, introducing Scranton's Michael Scott performing with Nashua's Holly Flax! I have not seen this.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30668
-
Michael
And now, presenting...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30669
-
Both
SlumDunder Mifflinaire!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30670
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Michael
[imitates Who Wants To Be a Millionaire theme music as both sit in folding chairs]
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30671
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Holly
Are you ready to play SlumDunder Mifflinaire?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30672
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Michael
Yes, I am.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30673
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Holly
For one hundred dollars, where did Dunder meet Mifflin? A.) On easy street, B.) a tour of Dartmouth College, C.) they never met, D.) brushing their teeth?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30674
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Michael
Ohh, I'm thinking... I'm going to say... B, tour of Dartmouth College.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30675
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Holly
That is correct! How did you know that?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30676
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Michael
Ahhhh!! Ohhh!! Ahhh!! I was there! Ahhh!! I was a tour guide at Dartmouth College!! Noooo!!!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30677
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Holly
Nice campus. Think you'll get in?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30678
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Michael
Yeah, I'm definitely getting in. I'm a shoo-in.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30679
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Holly
I'm Robert Dunder.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30680
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Michael
I'm Robert Mifflin. Ah, okay.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30681
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Holly
Robert Mifflin had a great life. But unfortunately, had undiagnosed depression, which over nine million Americans suffer from and is very treatable. For two hundred and fifty dollars, how did he kill himself? A.) A rope, B.) a knife, C.) a gun, D.) brushing his teeth!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30682
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Michael
Two hundred and fifty dollars is more money than I've ever seen in my life. I will say, C, a gun. He shot himself in the head.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30683
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Holly
That is correct!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30684
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Michael
Yes!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30685
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Stanley
I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30686
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Holly
The economic downturn has been difficult recently, forcing the closures of both Camden and Yonkers, to be followed soon by what other branch? For five-hundred thousand dollars, is it A.) Scranton, B.) Buffalo, C.) Utica, or D.) toothbrush!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30687
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Michael
I will say B, Buffalo! Final answer!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30688
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Holly
That is correct!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30689
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Man from Buffalo
What is he talking about?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30690
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Holly
How did you know that?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30691
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Michael
David Wallace told me!!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30692
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Woman from Buffalo
David, is this true?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30693
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David
Uh, okay everyone, we're at a picnic today...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30694
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Man from Buffalo
Are we losing our jobs or not, David?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30695
-
Holly
They didn't know?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30696
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Michael
I guess not.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30697
-
David
I'm sorry, this certainly wasn't the time or the place to announce this sort of thing, but there have been talks about closing the Buffalo branch.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30698
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Woman from Buffalo
And?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30699
-
David
We're- we're closing the Buffalo branch.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30700
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Man from Buffalo
You've got to be kidding me! You've got to be kidding me! We're the best branch in the company! I can't believe it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30701
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David
How could you possibly think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30702
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Michael
Well... I didn't know they didn't know.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30703
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David
What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little bit for his comedy sketch, and he thought, 'oh, this would be really funny.'
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30704
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30705
-
David
Damn it, Michael, I told you that in confidence. Now I have to go over and deal with these employees and their families. A little boy just walked up to me and said, 'is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?'
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30706
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Michael
Well, he's just thinking about his own gifts.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30707
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Meredith
Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30708
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Dwight
Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30709
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Pam
How do you figure?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30710