Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 26, in script order. First aired May 14, 2009.
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Erin
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up-- gets back.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30511
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Jim
Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30512
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Jim
Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30513
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Pam
I can do it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30514
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Dwight
What do you need from me?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30515
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Dwight
Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30516
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Michael
[mumbles in his sleep as Pam and Jim change the clocks in his office]
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30517
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Dwight
Like clockwork.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30518
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Jim
Three, two, one...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30519
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Michael
Uh oh. What's so funny?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30520
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Pam
You had to be there.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30521
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Michael
Oh yay! Geography joke. Oh! Wow! Okay. Alright, let's all go home. Come on. See you all tamale.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30522
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Michael
See you later!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30523
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Dwight
Bye Michael! Yeah!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30524
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Jim
All right, you ready for this?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30525
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Pam
Yeah, we walk around, everyone sees our faces and we leave, right?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30526
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30527
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Pam
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30528
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Jim
Wait, should I have left the car running?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30529
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Pam
Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30530
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Jim
Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30531
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Pam
Tell them what happened last year.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30532
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Jim
I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30533
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Pam
No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30534
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Jim
Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30535
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Pam
Yeah, you don't grab these for balance.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30536
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Jim
Well...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30537
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Dwight
I'm gonna say 30.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30538
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Rolph
Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30539
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Dwight
Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30540
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Rolph
Woah. Homemade?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30541
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Dwight
Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30542
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Dwight
Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30543
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Kevin
Michael, isn't that Holly?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30544
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Michael
We're just friends. Hey, hey, wait a second. Who let you in here, is what I want to know.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30545
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Holly
Oh no, I see they're letting just anybody in here.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30546
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Michael
Mmhmm. Yeah, that's right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30547
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Holly
All right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30548
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Michael
All right. Mmhmm. Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30549
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Holly
Hi. You remember AJ, my boyfriend?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30550
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Michael
A little bit. Uh, I meet a lot of people.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30551
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AJ
Hey Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30552
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Michael
Hey. Arrggh. So would you guys like some lemonade? Or one of you? Or both of you? Either or. The combinations are endless.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30553
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Holly
Lemonade sounds great.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30554
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Michael
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30555
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AJ
I'd love an iced tea, actually.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30556
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Michael
You can go to hell. I'm kidding. Um, sure, I will get you the best iced tea in the world.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30557
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Michael
I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: 'Holly, you and I are soup snakes.' The-and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30558
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Charles Miner
Jim. Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30559
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Jim
Hey, how are you?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30560
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Pam
Hey Charles.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30561
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Charles Miner
Nice day, huh?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30562
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30563
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Charles Miner
Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30564
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Jim
I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30565
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Pam
Do you want me to beat him up for you?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30566
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Jim
No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30567
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Dwight
Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30568
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Jim
Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30569
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Dwight
Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30570
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Andy
Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30571
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Dwight
Why? I don't understand.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30572
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Andy
If-
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30573
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Dwight
Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30574
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Andy
Uh...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30575
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Dwight
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30576
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Andy
That's...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30577
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Dwight
Sly dog.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30578
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Andy
... not what I meant.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30579
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Dwight
Come on, folks!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30580
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Michael
What is up with you two, Holly?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30581
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Holly
Um, not much.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30582
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AJ
We're designing a house.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30583
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Michael
Cool. For who?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30584
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AJ
For us.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30585
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Michael
Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30586
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Holly
I remember your chair pants idea.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30587
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AJ
I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30588
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Michael
All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30589
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Holly
Okay, yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30590
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AJ
You guys are really gonna do this?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30591
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Michael
You bet your fat ass we are.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30592
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Michael
Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30593
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Holly
Yep, the old comedy team is back together again.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30594
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Michael
That's right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30595
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Holly
Have ya hoyd the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30596
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Michael
Newspapers for sale!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30597
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Andy
Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30598
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Man
These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30599
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Andy
Okay, I was just looking out for you. You're doing great, by the way.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30600
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Erin
Thanks.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30601
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Kevin
I got it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30602
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Dwight
Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30603
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Andy
Are you blind?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30604
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Dwight
I could've gotten that, idiot!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30605
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Andy
Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30606
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Dwight
It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30607
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Phyllis
We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30608
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Dwight
[grunts in frustration]
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30609
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Dwight
Oh come- Ryan, come on, man! W-w-wait. Net. Net. Her hand's on the net.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Quote 30610