Every line from The Office season 5, episode 26, in script order. First aired May 14, 2009.
-
Erin
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up-- gets back.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30511
-
Jim
Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30512
-
Jim
Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30513
-
Pam
I can do it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30514
-
Dwight
What do you need from me?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30515
-
Dwight
Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30516
-
Michael
[mumbles in his sleep as Pam and Jim change the clocks in his office]
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30517
-
Dwight
Like clockwork.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30518
-
Jim
Three, two, one...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30519
-
Michael
Uh oh. What's so funny?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30520
-
Pam
You had to be there.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30521
-
Michael
Oh yay! Geography joke. Oh! Wow! Okay. Alright, let's all go home. Come on. See you all tamale.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30522
-
Michael
See you later!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30523
-
Dwight
Bye Michael! Yeah!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30524
-
Jim
All right, you ready for this?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30525
-
Pam
Yeah, we walk around, everyone sees our faces and we leave, right?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30526
-
Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30527
-
Pam
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30528
-
Jim
Wait, should I have left the car running?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30529
-
Pam
Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30530
-
Jim
Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30531
-
Pam
Tell them what happened last year.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30532
-
Jim
I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30533
-
Pam
No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30534
-
Jim
Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30535
-
Pam
Yeah, you don't grab these for balance.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30536
-
Jim
Well...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30537
-
Dwight
I'm gonna say 30.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30538
-
Rolph
Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30539
-
Dwight
Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30540
-
Rolph
Woah. Homemade?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30541
-
Dwight
Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30542
-
Dwight
Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30543
-
Kevin
Michael, isn't that Holly?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30544
-
Michael
We're just friends. Hey, hey, wait a second. Who let you in here, is what I want to know.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30545
-
Holly
Oh no, I see they're letting just anybody in here.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30546
-
Michael
Mmhmm. Yeah, that's right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30547
-
Holly
All right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30548
-
Michael
All right. Mmhmm. Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30549
-
Holly
Hi. You remember AJ, my boyfriend?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30550
-
Michael
A little bit. Uh, I meet a lot of people.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30551
-
AJ
Hey Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30552
-
Michael
Hey. Arrggh. So would you guys like some lemonade? Or one of you? Or both of you? Either or. The combinations are endless.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30553
-
Holly
Lemonade sounds great.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30554
-
Michael
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30555
-
AJ
I'd love an iced tea, actually.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30556
-
Michael
You can go to hell. I'm kidding. Um, sure, I will get you the best iced tea in the world.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30557
-
Michael
I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: 'Holly, you and I are soup snakes.' The-and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30558
-
Charles Miner
Jim. Pam.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30559
-
Jim
Hey, how are you?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30560
-
Pam
Hey Charles.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30561
-
Charles Miner
Nice day, huh?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30562
-
Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30563
-
Charles Miner
Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30564
-
Jim
I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30565
-
Pam
Do you want me to beat him up for you?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30566
-
Jim
No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30567
-
Dwight
Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30568
-
Jim
Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30569
-
Dwight
Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30570
-
Andy
Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30571
-
Dwight
Why? I don't understand.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30572
-
Andy
If-
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30573
-
Dwight
Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30574
-
Andy
Uh...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30575
-
Dwight
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30576
-
Andy
That's...
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30577
-
Dwight
Sly dog.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30578
-
Andy
... not what I meant.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30579
-
Dwight
Come on, folks!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30580
-
Michael
What is up with you two, Holly?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30581
-
Holly
Um, not much.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30582
-
AJ
We're designing a house.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30583
-
Michael
Cool. For who?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30584
-
AJ
For us.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30585
-
Michael
Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30586
-
Holly
I remember your chair pants idea.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30587
-
AJ
I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30588
-
Michael
All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30589
-
Holly
Okay, yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30590
-
AJ
You guys are really gonna do this?
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30591
-
Michael
You bet your fat ass we are.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30592
-
Michael
Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30593
-
Holly
Yep, the old comedy team is back together again.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30594
-
Michael
That's right.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30595
-
Holly
Have ya hoyd the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30596
-
Michael
Newspapers for sale!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30597
-
Andy
Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30598
-
Man
These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30599
-
Andy
Okay, I was just looking out for you. You're doing great, by the way.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30600
-
Erin
Thanks.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30601
-
Kevin
I got it.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30602
-
Dwight
Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30603
-
Andy
Are you blind?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30604
-
Dwight
I could've gotten that, idiot!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30605
-
Andy
Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30606
-
Dwight
It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30607
-
Phyllis
We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30608
-
Dwight
[grunts in frustration]
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30609
-
Dwight
Oh come- Ryan, come on, man! W-w-wait. Net. Net. Her hand's on the net.
Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30610