Kevin

At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29894

Michael

Someone is returning! He started his own company, and now he's back. Who could it be? I'll give you a hint. He is a man. A man you have missed with all your heart. A man who has ruined all other men for you. Who is it?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29895

Ryan

Who is it?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29896

Pam

Who is it?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29897

Michael

It's Michael Scott. Hold it up. Conference room, five minutes.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29898

Michael

Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome back me, and Pam and Ryan. And how about casual Friday again, huh? Reinstituting casual Friday? You all look great. What I want to do right now is try something a little different. I'm going to throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29899

Dwight

Wh--what are you doing?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29900

Michael

If there is something that you would like to say as a group, then by all means, you may say it to me right now.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29901

Angela

Okay.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29902

Michael

Yes.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29903

Angela

People are dressed inappropriately.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29904

Michael

Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward. And I want you to reflect. And I want you to say something different.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29905

Jim

Can you give us a hint?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29906

Michael

When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for big, crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29907

Michael

Oscar, what were you going to say?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29908

Oscar

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29909

Michael

All right.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29910

Erin

Do I still have a job here?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29911

Michael

Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29912

Dwight

Wait, what?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29913

Stanley

How is that going to work?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29914

Michael

It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29915

Phyllis

You mean the clients you stole from us.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29916

Dwight

Yeah , aren't we getting those clients back?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29917

Michael

No, you lost those clients.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29918

Andy

I call foul, sir.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29919

Michael

Okay.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29920

Dwight

You were bought out. So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29921

Michael

Okay, Dwight. Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29922

Meredith

Don't fall in love with me, kid.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29923

Pam

Boscov's at the Steamtown Mall?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29924

Phyllis

It sure looked good on the mannequin.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29925

Pam

Well, you have good taste.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29926

Phyllis

Well, thanks. I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients, though.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29927

Pam

What?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29928

Phyllis

Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for them?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29929

Pam

Oh, I, um...

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29930

Phyllis

Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29931

Angela

The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29932

Toby

Can't you just not look at his feet?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29933

Angela

Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. Do your job!

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29934

Toby

Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29935

Michael

There you are, my friend.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29936

Ryan

Oh, thanks, man.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29937

Michael

Pamela.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29938

Pam

Thank, Michael.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29939

Michael

Yep.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29940

Dwight

Fresh hot ink.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29941

Stanley

New File System'.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29942

Dwight

Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29943

Stanley

I am not changing the way I do my files.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29944

Dwight

No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29945

Dwight

When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29946

Oscar

I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29947

Toby

I could loan you a pair of socks.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29948

Oscar

No.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29949

Toby

No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29950

Oscar

I don't think so.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29951

Andy

Andrew Bernard.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29952

Dwight

Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29953

Andy

What are you still doing not at your desk?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29954

Dwight

Did you even read the memo?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29955

Andy

All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order--

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29956

Dwight

No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29957

Andy

Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29958

Dwight

Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29959

Dwight

We're in crisis mode here, do you understand? The two unqualified so-called salespeople are being favored because they all failed together. And frankly, I'm not convinced that Michael and Pam didn't have a thing going while they were gone.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29960

Jim

Can I address that?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29961

Dwight

No, you're too close.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29962

Jim

Okay.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29963

Dwight

Stanley, how do you feel about those two taking your clients?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29964

Stanley

It's not right. I don't like it.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29965

Dwight

He doesn't like it.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29966

Phyllis

You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. No offense, Jim. I think she's very pretty.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29967

Dwight

Her face is okay, but-- Jesus! What --what are you doing here?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29968

Meredith

I don't know. I saw a crowd. I thought there might be a dogfight or something--

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29969

Dwight

Get out! We need to do something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29970

Phyllis

Those sound too harsh.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29971

Dwight

No, I'm not saying we do those things. I'm saying something like those things.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29972

Jim

Of course. What is like a hostage?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29973

Dwight

Excellent question.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29974

Andy

We could write a strong-worded letter.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29975

Dwight

Words will never be enough.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29976

Jim

Strongly-painted picture.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29977

Dwight

No, pictures are too interpretive.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29978

Jim

Can I just say something? I know that tempers are high, but I think the best way to handle this might be to just talk to Michael directly.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29979

Dwight

Oh. Well, that--that's a great idea, Jim. Oh, I totally see your point. Okay, we'll talk to Michael directly. So uh, meeting is over, I guess. I'll see everyone upstairs.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29980

Jim

Great. See you upstairs.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29981

Dwight

C'mon. Guys. Psst, listen. Now is the time for action. I'm talking action--

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29982

Pam

That one's great.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29983

Michael

I know.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29984

Ryan

You look so classy in that picture.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29985

Michael

I do? Well--Where is that bowl?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29986

Jim

Hey, you have a second?

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29987

Michael

Michael Scott Paper Company only.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29988

Jim

Yeah, I think you're going to want to cool it with that 'cause it's starting to upset the other salesmen.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29989

Michael

Okay, well---

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29990

Ryan

Tough.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29991

Michael

I will--no, no. I'll talk to them when they all get back from the bathroom.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29992

Jim

This is awkward to talk about, but there may or may not be--but definitely is--a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now.

Season 5 · Episode 24 · Line 29993

"Casual Friday" Quotes